A Poem About Hatred

bent wrote:Ah, but isn't hatred more like a sword? One that you impale yourself upon and swing violently at phantasms of foes? Either way, the end result is self harm, and running the risk of looking quite silly. But if hatred is indeed a weed, then it can be watered and nurtured just like any seed within you. And if that is the case, then perhaps you could just shine more light on the flourishing garden of imagination, understanding, and compassion and leave the weeds to wither.

Ah, but isn't hatred more like a sword? One that you impale yourself upon and swing violently at phantasms of foes? Either way, the end result is self harm, and running the risk of looking quite silly. But if hatred is indeed a weed, then it can be watered and nurtured just like any seed within you. And if that is the case, then perhaps you could just shine more light on the flourishing garden of imagination, understanding, and compassion and leave the weeds to wither.

writer_chick_13 wrote:The consept of hatred being a weed is good, I like it. I think you need to be a bit more descriptive with that though. Not so much about how people feel it, but more what it does to people. The way it attacks and grows, and the way it never really goes away, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. It would add more of a poetic sense to the poem, because right now it almost seems like a bunch of random lines.

MERRY WRITING!!!
~Bella~

The consept of hatred being a weed is good, I like it. I think you need to be a bit more descriptive with that though. Not so much about how people feel it, but more what it does to people. The way it attacks and grows, and the way it never really goes away, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. It would add more of a poetic sense to the poem, because right now it almost seems like a bunch of random lines.

MERRY WRITING!!!
~Bella~

Cade wrote:This doesn't go anywhere after saying "Hatred is a weed." It's a simple simile, and you didn't really do much with it. It's not very much fun for a reader when the poet says, "This is like this," and just leaving it there.

Generally, poems that do such things are boring and unsophisticated. If you want to compare hatred or another abstract idea to an object, like a weed, do not put them in the same sentence with the word "like" or even "is" between them. Rather, present them both separately, and let your reader make the connection. People read poetry because they want to think, not because they want to be lectured to.

On the subject of the spacing, I felt it was unnecessary. Unless it's really going to add something to your poem, cut it out or risk annoying your reader.

Good luck!
-Colleen

This doesn't go anywhere after saying "Hatred is a weed." It's a simple simile, and you didn't really do much with it. It's not very much fun for a reader when the poet says, "This is like this," and just leaving it there.

Generally, poems that do such things are boring and unsophisticated. If you want to compare hatred or another abstract idea to an object, like a weed, do not put them in the same sentence with the word "like" or even "is" between them. Rather, present them both separately, and let your reader make the connection. People read poetry because they want to think, not because they want to be lectured to.

On the subject of the spacing, I felt it was unnecessary. Unless it's really going to add something to your poem, cut it out or risk annoying your reader.

Good luck!
-Colleen

...I haven't changed it yet? :O

Its more confusing to read now....how did you get it like that?

author13 wrote:Wow...is it supposed to look like that? Makes it a tad bit confusing to read. Interesting poem though.

Wow...is it supposed to look like that? Makes it a tad bit confusing to read. Interesting poem though.