The sun filters through the trees above me, scattering the light as it dances on the forest
floor. Dead leaves crunch underfoot, providing a soft floor for those who seek shelter under the
forests great hood. The cold and brisk wind rushes through the foliage, leaving a path of
distraught branches as they bend and snap.
Squirrels dash under foot as they play some game unknown to me. I listen in silence as
the birds sing their melodies, making the forest ring with their bittersweet music. I am
completely alone besides the animals; I breathe in the alluring scent of the coming winter as it
swirls around me. But the whole of the forest fights back, filling their world with bright colors as
they frantically try to push away the white chill of winter. I smile as I walk into a patch of warm
sun, absorbing the last bit of warmth before the cold.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey hey!! I'm so glad to read something about nature! It made me happy (oh, and the double spacing made my eyes happy).
I love that this is a very simple, sweet piece. The ideas are very happy and kind of warming.
My biggest suggestion would be to do a little bit more showing than telling. Example: instead of "I am completely alone besides the animals", something along the lines of "Not another human soul could be seen or heard amidst the serene hum of the forest". Obviously we won't have exactly the same writing style (that's what's great about being unique writers!), but I think a bit more showing per say would make this piece even stronger.
Keep writing!
First, I would just like to say I can totally relate to this piece- letting nature surround you like that is very peaceful. I love the way you use personification to make the scene come alive "But the whole of the forest fights back, filling their world with bright colors as they frantically try to push away the white chill of winter." You are also very descriptive "...making the forest ring with their bittersweet music..." or "The cold and brisk wind rushes through the foliage, leaving a path of distraught branches as they bend and snap." Nice job!
Thank you so much! That made my day
hey
“No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
I really loved your work just keep writing.
Thanks for taking the time to read my work <3
Hi!
First off I would like to say that I enjoyed your short story. I also enjoy taking a walk through the woods every now an then, letting nature surround me. I like how you used personification throughout the story when referring to the sunlight and trees. "...scattering the light as it dances on the forest floor." and " But the whole of the forest fights back, filling their world with bright colors as they frantically try to push away the white chill of winter." You are also quite good at creating a scene and placing the reader directly in it. The descriptive words you used throughout the story make one feel as though they are walking along side you through the woods. I can picture it perfectly. Well done!
Keep writing, you're good at it!
-LW
Thank you!!!!!