Published March 2, 2005
Blank page, open up,
Swallow me whole.
Drain the blood,
From my lifeless body,
Use me as ink.
Form into words,
And sentences,
That make,
At least,
Some sense.
And give it a rhythm,
Like the beat,
Of a drum.
And put my name on it.
And below put
“Rest her soul
Murdered by clichés,
Eaten by false-hope,
Her tomb is sealed,
With Writer’s Block”
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This is a funny and unusual spin on the more usual "Writers block" poem. While I disagree with the structure of the poem in terms of line breaks, I, probably with everyone else who read this, think that
“Rest her soul
Murdered by clichés,
Eaten by false-hope,
Her tomb is sealed,
With Writer’s Block”
Is brilliant.
Good work!
the beginning isn't as strong or interesting as possible but i too really like the ending. murdered by cliches was one of my favorite lines.
I know commas are one of the most confuzzling punctuation marks, but this is basically it: Commas are used to signify a pause. If you wouldn't pause when reading it out loud, then don't put a comma. There are way too many commas and periods in here, and sometimes I think they're used incorrectly. I'll redo the puncutation in the first four lines for you, then I'll let you rejudge where commas belong.
Blank page, open up
And swallow me whole.
Drain the blood
From my lifeless body.
I added the and in the second line because I feel it helps the flow a lot.
Basically, if you're unsure where to put commas, read it out loud and put them where you sense a pause. Unsure about periods? Check if the lines form a complete sentence.
Here's another section that needs some work.
Here's my rewrite:
Give it a rhythm
Like the beat
Of a drum.
Put my name on it,
And below put
Okay just so you don't think I hate this poem, I like the last few lines as well. And your punctuation's good there.
Not too bad, but you need to work on punctuation.
hahhahahhahah!
I thought the last line was really, really funny. The poem itself was so-so, but I think you did a really good job with it for what it was.
Overall, short, sweet, no critique.