One of these days I'll peel off my skin
Then none of you will recognise me
I'll be a strech of blank canvas
On which to paint my own tree
Then I can re-spin my past
Like a spider that's a victim
Rebuilding his broken home
Old troubles not afflicting
I'll kiss the scarlet leaves
As they fall from brown trees
And feel waves frothing
Around my red and scared knees
I'll walk upon montains
And burrow far in the the ground
And i'll rock back and forth
In darkness without sound
I'll eat poisonous berries
That are all of my choice
And I'll dance and run
Screaming at the top of my voice
And after my wild moment
I'll create a whole new skin
Climb inside and be content
Lock the door, let no one in
And then when I'm ready
I'll start life all over again
I'll be the blank slate
You'll be all I can gain
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Actually yeah, I agree with you on the gain and again thing..... Any suggestions?
I didn't like this stanza..i felt it was a bit too forced. I liked the idea of it, but i dont know..i think it should be worded better.
I didnt like how this was ended, just because of the rhyme of "gain" and "again". But this is just my opinion, if you like it then stick with it!
Anyway, i thought it was pretty good. Just a few bits and bobs that swung me..
Keep it up!
It rhymes to me... I guess it doesn't rhyme to everyone because people say things differently.
The last stanza does rhyme, doesn't it? I think this rhymed and flowed well, and an interesting idea. Good job.
Your second and last stanzas DON'T RHYME, like the rest of your poem. Pretty good, though.
nice! this was refreshing to read, it had the sense of just starting over new.it didnt seem forced aat all. i like the title, too, its very casual.
I like it, just a couple teeny-tiny spelling points: "montains" should be "mountains", and "red and scared knees" is that supposed to be scarred?
Otherwise, great job!
Interesting!!! At first, I didn't like it, but it had a good, free, spirit about it....good job!