Published October 4, 2005
I could sit here and listen
To songs that remind me of you
Depressing and slow
Or energetic. Whatever
Just loud and washing over me
I could sit with pen in my hand
Write me an ocean on how
You make me feel so bad
Or slither through my journal
And whine like a child
I could fall like a tower
And cry untill wrung dry
My lips quivering your name
All your cruelties swimming
In my pathetic tears
I could write your name
A thousand times in red ink
And rip it and burn it
Untill all evidence is gone and
You've left me forever
I could lean back on my bed
Reminising, in solitude,
Of the days when we smiled
And I could fall back in
Tough love with you
I could stretch my arm out
Focus my pain
Slice through my skin
Sigh with relief
And bleed
I could slump to the ground
Dead and wretched
Wasted, like compost
Dirty like soil
Ashes to ashes
But I don't
Instead I lie here numb
Your hand in my hair
My ear on your heart
My eye in your soul
Your love in my grasp
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141,252 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
awww, thats so sad!!
*sniffles*
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i like it though!! its sweet, yet powerful, and has great imagery like xanthan gum pointed out. it flows really nicely, too. the only thing i think it could do without is the stuff about cutting yourself; it just seems kind of angsty and cliche and doesnt really go with the rest of the poem. the refreshing thing about this poem was that it [i]wasnt angsty and cliche.
nice job
*feels praised* -- Well that'll jynx it and soon I'll get negativity but oh well...
Sounds like my poetry's improving! Woo!
The poem had great imagery. I loved this stanza espicially:
I didn't really get the ending, but that's probably my fault. Good job. You have...a certain talent with the composition of a poem.
I enjoyed certain parts of that poem a LOT.
"Or slither through my journal
And whine like a child" was good imagery. I feel like the last stanza isn't final enough, though. Maybe if it were:
"My eye in your soul,
and your love in my grasp."
But I do like the last stanza in that it's so physical - it shows an intense part of love, I think.
that was an awesome poem I loved it! you are very talented.