Soft soothing voices and acoustic guitars,
Lamenting the moon above, although we're higher,
Laughing and joking with no unhappy thoughts,
Beer bottles in hands, reflecting the fire.
Waves crash softly a way down the beach,
No fear of the tides having checked the tables that day,
Earlier we rode the waves, then left them reluctantly,
Watched the sunset from the cliffs and decided to stay.
Flames flicker happily, dancing through the night,
Refueled now and then by our pile of drifted wood,
We'll stay until the sun creeps back up in the East,
Then pile in cars and leave, later than we should.
Reminisce about the past and plan for the future,
Talk about important things, random things, whatever,
Misunderstand each others happy, drunken ramblings,
The subject's unimportant, we could talk forever.
There's a whole lot of love here, that's for sure,
The cliched chords and old songs highlight that fact,
And though we've been through a lot, all of us,
Our friendships still remain intact.
There will come a time when we will be separated,
We'd better make the most of it, in case that day's soon,
So hug everyone tight, share the cheeky spliff selflessly,
All sing our verses as we continue to serenade the moon.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Ok so, note to self: "Lotta love in this room" style thing ruins it a little, try to sort it out.
As PsyLynx said, the beginning was really good; I enjoyed how you painted a picture that brought me to the moment; I could almost see the scenes you described, but I would say about the 4th stanza, you changed the feel of the poem and it kind of threw me off. You go from
to
Also, I didn't like your line: 'talk about important things, random things, whatever' I understand what you mean, but I don't like the 'whatever' at the end... probably because your language is so beautiful at the beginning and then changes so drastically into that line.
Besides those things, I really enjoyed your imagery in the beginning and your last stanza. Also, I love your words such as 'reminisce' and 'cliched chords'
Nice poem, please keep writing
I really liked the beginning, when it was talking about all that had happened, but when it turned into the narrator talking about there being a lot of love, and they'd leave too late and all of that, it just fell apart, because at some point you replaced beautiful imagery with just saying that it was good, but the imagery tells so much more....
Ya, its really sweet. I agree with Hekate Girl about how the title really catches your eye...
Wow, that was greay. The title imedititly caught my eye when I saw it (Like every title should) and the poem was fantastic. This sounded a little like prose though. Maybe Narritive Poetry insted? But it was still good.