Published September 27, 2007
This is a random poem I wrote.
Hallo
I say to myself.
You look so nice,
better than an elf
I walk down the street
with nothing to fear.
So many to greet
and so many that stare
I come to your door,
waiting for more,
But just to see
that you have just flee.
You are here no more
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,470 Literary Works • 674,492 Reviews
Well.. This was good if it was supposed to be silly and funny. Was it?
I mean, you looked like an elf? That made me laugh but I didn;t understand it to be honest. How do you look nice, but look like an elf at the same time? Still, good on the comedy scale.
I liked the structure and the flow worked pretty well, although in some places it was a little iffy. If you know what I mean.
Okay thanxs for comments.
I agree with Rigel, you certainly wanted to write a silly poem. Silly poems are really great, (just look at Shel Silverstein), But they still need to make some sense. If silly poems are what you want to write, I'd suggest reading some Shel Silverstein, and the book "The New Kid on the Block"...I can't remember who wrote that, but it really stands out in my mind.
However, if this wasn't meant to be a silly poem...then I have no comment.
Merry Writing
Bella
From your introduction, I could tell that you wanted to write a silly little poem, and by all means, you have succeeded.
This doesn't really... make sense. The last stanza didn't, at least, at the line, "waiting for more"--what is he waiting for?
It seemed like a poem that you rested on rhyming, which is never good. Your poems content, and clarity, should always come before the rhyming.
If you really want to get into poetry, I'd suggest reading some books about writing poetry, that's the best way to get into it! I have The Idiots Guide to Writing Poetry and it's amazing for beginners, really. Also, read poetry. That is the best way to learn the techniques.