Someday the Earth will fall and crack
And stumble right upon its back
With none of its two legs to stand
With no place soft for it to land
Its breath will be short, and its heart will beat slow
All the kingdoms will reap what they sew
No Hell nor Heaven, No God nor Demon
Will interfere with this mess humans made, now screamin'
For the Earth is our Mother and our Father as well
Ignorance of this has made their own hell
All things are on purpose, no choices are made
As all burn the fruit, the forests, and the glade
One makes one faith, for plenty to follow
Leaving our spiritual instinct all empty and hollow
Laws and regulations, rules to obey
Many which are broken, many forever stay
All the petty moments that humans obsess and share
Are as small as dust, and as light as air
In the universe as we know it, no other life but ours
Our black-hearted earth turns forever in it's cower
Not all hope is lost, not all lives must be spent
No need to rebel, no need to “repent”
Just to learn as nature does, with speed and precision
Ignorance is a choice, and true wisdom is your decision
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Great message and very effective delivery.
It was great because you presented an issue that is ofetn talked about and written about but presented it in a very original and vivid way. The words and symbolisms you used just fell into each other and fitted so well.
But,
This two lines seemed rather off to me. It's still part of the brilliant concept you have going in the poem but the rhythm went off here so it steals the momentum from the reader.
Anyway, nonetheless, this was great.
Very angry, this one. More like a Tool song than anything, haha.
Not that I'm making fun of it at all. It was very good at delivering that edge of anger that sometimes is either way too obvious and forced, or not employed well enough. THis was the perfect blend for it.
The only thing I'd ask for is that you un-bold the font. It's kind of difficult to read something like that, for some reason.
Keep it up.
Ello Good Sir or Ma'am, not quite sure which you are but I do like your name.
I'm not quite 100% on what you were trying to do here but wherever it goes it's rather wonderful. I'd like to point out though that the first thing that came to my mind here is the, I don't know what you'd call it, contradiction of you're entire piece? Your piece is about a problem yet you call all problems irrelevant. But! Moving on~
I liked this a lot. Generally when you think of rules and lack of spiritual instinct you would attach to it some ridiculous flavor of childish rebellion but here you point it out in our nature. It almost seems to me like you wrote this part here backwards, our spiritual instinct is the cause of the need for these rules? Or the rules indeed force us to be spiritually empty and hollow? Have we no morals at all of our own? But I suppose the bigger question is if we do have morals of our own then would we still not care about the planet?
This imagery seriously like blew my mind. I thought, how can the earth land, our minds only grasp the concept of landing on earth? That was WELL said, and seriously it was so complicated but you made it so simple and it just really put a "We have no idea at all what will happen" spin to this entire thing. So I start to think what drives someone to care so much? Is it fear? This really threw the emotion out there for me.
Here is my only beef with the entire piece. These lines here really display the humanity of whomever is speaking this out. Humans attach themselves to these relationships and force reasons onto why things do and do not need to be. Here I am understanding that you are pointing out that we lack any kind of emotional, and realistically, physical connection with the earth. You're telling us that we have detached ourselves and that ultimately is the reasoning behind it becoming "Their own hell" And really though how could you blame any person for not naturally grasping the concept of a surface in reality that we stand on being part of the support of our entire life? How can you blame people for not thinking about something that has never done them any wrong in such a way?
Granted, it is somewhat sad but I find it unrealistic that thoughts like these would cross someones mind without some kind of inspiration! I think ignorance is the wrong word. But I think you might have guessed that yourself. But the conflict here is that if you put any other word there then you risk sound like a person led by blind faith, a religious fanatic, a fanboy of our Mother and Father. The beauty here is that your throwing blame where it should not at all be thrown, but at the same time it's no one elses fault.
I don't know what it is today, perhaps I just don't seem to like the word ignorant right now. I do like this though. It seems ignorant to me that you would not include people into a part of nature. And the way you went with this whole thing (Or the way I read it anyway) I understood people to have to come to terms with what we were doing to nature, ESPECIALLY, ourselves. The word nature seems rather exclusive here and bothers me just a tad bit but I do love the word wisdom. Knowing, understanding, experiencing, and knowing what to do with it is really the trait of a great person.
But really though I do not know if I missed it or if it was not at all mentioned but I do believe you should point out how we view each other in nature. Or was this entire thing told from the perspective of a human being? Because that would be cute. And that person would be rather ignorant and contradicting of himself.
It sounds like the person would not want that kind of existence at all.
Realistically I feel like he's saying things are fine just the way they are and just pointing out everything about it.
I really liked this though. Keep them coming, you write very well and your thought process seems to be pretty astonishing, much appreciated good sir. We hope to see your works soon.