Cauldrens galore, licked by flames
Spices danced in the scent of the air
Through dirty prosecution and claims
Repelling its force with will so fair
A dancing maiden, stag, and horn
Circle bound by seasons bond
Through rich woods so humanly worn
Beasts to friends, becoming fond
While day was led by the sun
Night was cradled by the moon
Through them both life was one
Sacred eagle, bear, and loon
Nobody could deter their great rites
Or destroy their very matter of earth
Through all of conflicts and of fights
Came forth a new seed of new birth
The Witch knew the secrets to life
She knew the fabric of forces unseen
Healing ills, conflict, and strife
Cleansing natures flesh so green
Now their time is halted cold
Leaving warm hearts cooled to ice
Knowledge sealed within the old
Struck lost in time by church's vice
Yet their will lives on, clinging true
Building in beautiful nature's power
Green, Yellow, Red, and Blue
Every moment's the witching hour
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey, thank you for your critique. I am afraid you may not understand the idea of my poetry. That's okay, because I cannot understand most of Edgar Allen Poe's poems, but I still think they are adrenaline-rushing and beautiful.
When I say "Every moment's the witching hour" I simply cut back on "Every moment is the witching hour". Many poets do this, I just adopted it for this particular poem.
And isn't it appearant it is in the past?
"...will so fair" Will is another word for power, and fair is an adjective placing a scale to the magnitude of this power. Fair=Good/Strong/Beautiful.
My poem is very symbollic, and for instance "Circle bound by seasons bond" is not literal. (I shouldn't really have to translate this btw) It means Circle, which is the old world describing cycle in the old days. Bound as in connected absolutely, and seasons bond is the relationship spring has with summer; fall with winter. I am sure you understand it now.
Sol
Hey Sol, welcome to YWS! We haven't met, folks round here call me Stella (or any variation thereupon)...
I may burst randomly into a slipjig while writing this review, I'm listening to version after version of Rocky Road to Dublin (Dropkick Murphys are awesome, but need to learn how to pronounce Tuam...)
So then...
I. NITPICKS
Dude, to... well, be all fancy and technical, 'licked by flames' is passive present, and your next line is active perfect. (I studied Latin for three years, hence know those random words.) In other words, one is present and one is past. I think change "danced" to plain "dance."
So fair what now?
I'm not understanding it...
Here your rhythm suddenly changes and each line becomes longer. Intentional?
nature's.
Right so...
II. CONFUZZLED BE I
You have some very beautiful imagery here, but it doesn't all fit together. Try reading your poem like a piece of prose - you need to have the same components in sentences, verbs, subject, object, and be careful with what goes in each clause. While your imagery is, as I say, fantastic, you've sort of paid more attention to it and less to the basics of sentence formation. Just fix your clauses etc. and you'll be fine
III. PUNCTUATION
It might not hurt to just do what is usually done in poems (well, traditionally), a comma at the end of each line and a full stop at the end of each stanza -no harm done.
IV. OVERALL
A very interesting topic to do a poem on, and some wonderful images within it. Nice job...
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella (In the merry month of June from my home I started walking left the girls of Tuam nearly broken hearted... whack fololy ra!)
I really like this. It was niiiice.LOL.
This is inspired by the Salem Witch Trials a little isn't it?..sounds like it anyway.
The only real fault that I noticed is at times you were a little too literal like the 'flesh so green' part and at the end the 'moment's' with the apostrophe S is just awkward. It would sound less awkward if it were just 'moment is'.
That's all. Star for you, because I enjoyed reading this!
OH and...I am not a Grammar Wizard btw. Cuz, I is a writer...and I feel that puts the editor out of a job.
lol