Looking over cliff and ridge
Beyond the ebony forests mild
Where there lay no trail or bridge
No mans land, ferral and wild
The sea, it be, claimed my eye
So troubled and so wreckless she
Making brave hearts shrivel and die
Claiming each soul, the heftiest fee
While fishers try to tame her flesh
Stop it from a violent current
Catching her fruits by rope and mesh
Dodging each bloodthirsty torrent
Reaped by reapers, toil by toil
Everyday drowning in such pain
Making penny by sea and soil
Passing through both sun and rain
Always rushing, gushing, blowing
In a desperate move to show
That, she the sea, the all-knowing
Save the ones from wicked flow
But their efforts-flawed in every way
Being such many heroes of the sea
Stealers of the beach and bay
Ignoring such a harmonious plea
They will not stop their move to tame
As every new season will begin
Reaping sea wonders is just their game
Even knowing the sea always wins
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there Sol! June here!
Yay! Another poem by you!
This was a nice, refreshing read. I absolutely love poems like this about nature.
Like Alyssa said, your stanza length was consistent, and that made the poem flow very easily. The only thing I would add to assist that flow is punctuation. It's not completely necessary, but, it helps the audience out, dear.
Because this is a four-line-stanza poem, you can easily follow the basic punctuation pattern of comma, semicolon, comma period. It's this:
Also! In the last line here, you misspelled ferral. The proper spelling is feral with one R.
In the first line (Like Aly said) I'm not sure if "it be" is necessary. You're making us pause to focus on this and that sort of disrupts the flow (only sort of
Proper spelling of wreckless is reckless, without the W, dear.
First line here, dear! "Fishers" sounds rather improper. I believe it should be fishermen? A fisher is actually an animal
Third line here, dear. Stealers is also grammatically incorrect, but since it's poetry, it could work
*
Moving on -- I really enjoyed this poem (really, I love poems about nature with such strong feeling in them) It's beautiful.
I really do like how you contrasted between the sea and those who steal from it. It's done in such a subtle way-- we barely notice it, but it's there.
There isn't much to say about this, dear. Very well written, thoroughly enjoyable. Definitely gold star worthy, dear. Keep it up!
June
Hello there!
I enjoyed reading this poem. You did a nice job. Stanza length was consistant, and the rhyming didn't feel forced overall. I just have some small nit picky things to throw at you.(I don't know how to quote the fancy way so please bear with me).
"The sea, it be, claimed my eye"-I don't feel the 'it be' is necessary. It throws off the flow of the line, and the stanza's flow is fine without it. There were a few lines that I think could have benefitted from punctuation, but that would be inconsistant with the rest of the poem, so it is entirely up to you. Great work.