The sun came up as I slowly trudged through the soft ground. I thought to myself," When is this day ever going to end?" I've never really enjoyed life. Most people call me emo or mysterious,but that's not the reason why. The reason I don't enjoy life is that everything around me is always the same. If only once in my life something interesting happens, i would be happy. However, i do admit I like life a little. Well, it's not my fault! It's this weird girl who keeps coming up to me when I already told her to go away, but she doesn't! Oh now I see her and she is coming this way.
"Hey Leo! How are you? If you're wondering, I'm doing just fine!!" She was jumping up and down which made me feel nervous. I said in a irritating tone, " Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?!"
The girl smiled. " Silly Leo! That's because you tell me to go away!"
" That doesn't tell me anything, Baka!"
Suddenly, she punched me in the shoulder which gave me a thought that you would not want to know. She yelled angrily," You idiot! I told you my name is Yuki! Do not let me say it again or else!"
I rubbed my arm to let the pain go away, glaring at her. "Sheesh! You're so annoying! Why can't you just go away? Don't tell me because I told you to." Yuki looked up and her face turned all red. "What the hell are you turning red for?!"
"I-I can't tell you! It's a secret and you'll never know it." She started to play with her white hair that reminded me of snow somehow. And her silver eyes was like the moon and...!
WHAT THE HELL?! Why am i thinking of her like THAT?! I hope I'm not blushing! Please tell me I'm not blushing! As I was panicking in my mind, something touched my hand. It was so warm so i started to relax, but when I looked down I saw her holding my hand. I jumped. "W-What are you doing?! Why are you holding my hand?" Once again I started panicking. I looked at Yuki who seems to be smiling alot.
"Don't worry! It's nothing personal."
I felt my face turn red. " Nothing personal? Nothing personal?! Really! Is that what you-." Before i could finish Yuki's lip softly touched my cheek. Somehow I started to relax and stare at her big silver eyes that seems to be filled with emotions. Suddenly, my mind went blank. I started to lean closer to her while holding her hand. I didn't know what I was doing, but I enjoyed it. I put my lips on to her sweet lip causing my soul to open up more to the life I've never really notice. Yuki's eyes was closed and she seemed to enjoy it.
I wandered how our relationship will go in the future.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this is an interesting piece here. On the whole I think it doesn't quite manage to pull off what it is trying to pull off but it is still intriguing enough that you do find yourself wanting to know more here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, a little bit of an odd start I will say. It does manage to get your attention somewhat but the protagonist doesn't come of sounding particularly likeable here soo..its a bit hard to say whether this is a good start or not, it ends up being a bit neutral because of this.
Hmm, well from this it really hard to come to a conclusion about whether this person is right in the way they think or if they are just generally not being nice...at any rate, getting some dialogue going here is a good way to present this to us readers, so that is a pretty good sign here.
Well, I mean this person comes off as a little forward but not really any sort of grounds to truly call annoying. At this point I'm just starting to dislike our POV character more and more there for they way they are treating this person...well we'll see where this ends up taking us.
Okay....well that was a sudden change of heart there. This sort of relationship is the kind I do like, the whole enemies to love sort of style, but this just doesn't really have any of that. If you want this kind of moment to happen and for it really actually come off as meaning something there has to be a bit more of a hint happening right from the first part of the story and not have it dumped on us here towards the middle.
Well that just moved very fast there towards the end, I feel like with the rush you simply don't get a chance to feel any of these emotions at all and it just ends up not quite working out because of that.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a decent part, but I think for the emotional notes here to really hit home you'd have to work on making things a bit slower or at least not have the start and then the end sounds so much like polar opposite. If this seemed inevitable from the start, then it would work out much better I think.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry