Published October 29, 2010
I was inspired by words of Dr.Cox from "Scrubs".This is a monologue of one character from my story which I don't want to translate because it is too long.
You knew that the world is made of bastards. So why are you surprised? After all, every fucking day you pass these bastards. They differ only in their eyes. In someone's eyes you can see unreadable sadness. There is boredom, aggression, or just a complete confusion in other's. But even seeing an eye full of suffering does not change the fact that its possessor is a selfish bastard. In this world you can not survive by being someone else. You have to bite and protect your territory until so that no-one else will occupy it. You must be a selfish bastard, otherwise you will not survive. Who cares about your snotty senses? Who asks "how are you" not out of politeness, but out of interest? Maybe there are such people, but they do not linger long in our world.
This is justice. A man who does nothing wrong in life, will live in poverty and misery, and die an agonizing death. But the scum who feed on the pain of others, will be so happy that if someone wanted to break this happiness into tiny pieces, he could feed the whole world.
Although luck is too unreliable. Does it exist at all? Man never feels fully satisfied. We always need more. We want to get everything in one life: to live several lives, to be okay, to love and to suffer at the same time, to laugh and to cry.
When everything is fine, you want to suffer. You do not have enough adrenaline... Not enough nerve in your life. Why can you not forget about this fucking nerve, about all of these feelings, to shut people's mouths, and say, "I am happy. Eat it!"?
Nobody can be happy because people are conceited bastards, whose only concern is to lick their own wounds.
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I can't even imagine, how does my style of writing in English look like.
Thank you very much <3
I'll try and answer all your questions.
Hmm. Without the first 'pass' it sounds fine, but if you wanted you could say 'you go past' or 'you walk past'.
You can use eyes in that way; it's a good metaphor for that kind of thing ... but if you wanted it to be completely clear then maybe the word 'expression' would suffice. But I think 'eyes' works just fine in this.
The distinction between these words is very subtle and quite difficult to explain as they are often used as synonyms... I will do my best. (spoilered because I wrote ALOT)
Spoiler
incomprehension = Similar to above; they are almost perfect synonyms, although this is closer to meaning 'to not understand at all, to have absolutely no idea' (extra note - a look of incomprehension = a blank stare. Does that help at all in explaining the meaning?)
confusion = uncertainty, insecurity of thought, disorder, disorientation, chaos. can have a similar meaning to the previous two, but has a slightly wider scope of meaning. This word stands on it's own much easier than the other two (hence why I suggested it). This word is an emotion whilst the others are not.
It is possible to have internal confusion, but does not make much sense to state a misunderstanding or incomprehension within oneself. So, if you are talking about emotions in people's eyes, 'confusion' is best.
(Hopefully you are not too confused by all of that; I realise that this kind of thing is difficult to understand, especially with my rambly explanations!!)
It makes sense, but it's not a real word. It's okay to make up words in writing but it sounds quite odd.
Here I only omitted the word because I thought it was unnecessary, not because it doesn't make sense. Either would work if you wished to keep it.
That is what I thought
Your punctuation was absolutely fine, there was nothing for me to pick at
Thank you very much. This is what I've expected.
I wanted to say something like: beside you or past you go... I may write just pass?
And here I wanted to say not eye as an organ but eye as a look. Is it wrong?
This is correct in Russian. That's why I want you to show me all my errors. There are too many differences in Russian and English grammar.
Incomprehension fits?
OK
Oh, yes.
Does "small-small" look OK in the terms of English grammar?
I should write "at the same time", yeah?
I'm glad to read this.
Yes.
I feel not very comfortable using the full forms. But I write this way because all teachers of English, whom I was taught, said that in literary English I shouldn't use contractions.
hooray : D
And what about punctuation? We haven't learn it at school and I don't know it at all...
I'm sorry to be so ruthless, but I know that you've asked for help with your English so I went full grammar-nazi mode ... Hope that it helps! If you have any questions about my alterations then just ask; I was a bit wary of changing your writing style so some bits were kept as they were.
Despite all of that correcting, I do think that you've done quite a good job - there is powerful emotion in this! Did you originally write it in Russian and translate it?
Also, is it menat to be so formal? I noticed that you didn't use any contractions (ie. 'can't', 'won't') at all, which is quite uncommon in speech (as it's a monologue). But then I thought, maybe you aren't very comfortable using them? If you do more monologues maybe you should use contractions as it makes speech sound more natural
If you want me to proof-read anything in the future, I'd be happy to help! Just drop me a PM anytime.
(I LOVE DR. COX. And this definately does have alot of his cynicism in it!!)
~dashka