Darkness wanes, yielding to the day's embrace. Light's tender touch, an intricate lace, yet remnants of yesteryears linger near. In the corners of the heart, they appear.
A request murmers through the night's grace."Stay lets share, a moment face to face". Familiar faces draw me in, a tapestry's spun connections woven, under the same sun.
But a, celestial beacon, beckons me afar. Guiding ,me beyond, a distant star. Fumes of bygone days start to recede, as the star's brilliance becomes my creed.
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Canary word: Present
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Hello there and welcome to YWS. This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment on your poetry. This sounds very nice, and the way it's writing is different. But I do like the writing style. It's like a story too.
So, I see a few errors here. You misspelled yielding and remnants. You should put a period at the end of this line. The flow would sound better. It feels like I'm reading a poem in the old times. This part is good for an intro of your poem.
Like I said, you should put a period [.] at the end of each line/paragraph so the flow of your poem would sound better. In the second line, you forgot to put a space between grace and stay. Mermurs is spelled murmurs.
Over all, this was great. Enjoy writing and this site. It's great to write and develop your writing in this site, especially if you surround yourself with great people. Great work! Have a nice day/night!
Hello! There are a few small grammatical errors here that could be corrected, unless done for stylistic reasons, in which case feel free to ignore me.
"Familiar faces", with no apostrophe. "A tapestry spun connections woven:, is an amazing piece of visual writing but I feel there should perhaps be a comma after spun, otherwise it doesn't quite make sense to me but it does sound amazing altogether in the sense of "à tapestry's spun connections woven" which could also have been your aim. Then you just have a comma rather than an M further word me in the 3rd standard, easy fix. Where you say "like a distant star" you could leave out "like a", and just "guiding me beyond, à distant star". Also the final star's should have an apostrophe to show it's possession.
That being said I love the sense of fumes in regards to past mémoires, as smell is our strongest sense tied to memory, and the word fume is so évolutive of something overpowering, even à bit negative. Taken as a whole I love how you start the poem with the down, yet still allude to the stars afterwards. It feels so magical and peaceful, yet evocative. Like waking slowly from à dream and then jumping out of bed with vigor. I love the imager you use and thank you for this work.
Thank you very much for the feedback, my first language is not english, and appreciate the feedback very much. Might have posted it a little to fast. I can read that you understood the poem very well, always great to hear good feedback, i changed what you pointed out, and yes my aim was "a tapestry's spun connections woven", again thank you
You are amazing! I admire your ability to write poetry in a second language. Keep up the great work.