Deleted

Hey! Sorry i'm late for the party! As you know, I have been recently been accused of spam so I am here to actually try to write a review that will be respectable in the eyes of the Moderators! Love them, by the way. No hate towards my moderator brothers and sisters! I thought I would start with one of your works because you have always been a friend to me on here! Anyway, on to the actual review! One of the reasons that I liked this poem so much is because I could relate to it quite a bit. This is a quality that people tend to like in poetry, so good job at that! Hmmm, lets see how I could explain why I can relate to it (thinks like a moderator). Got it! I feel like the person that we're talking about in the poem is a outcasted bookworm like myself. Remember; people tend to become attached to characters that have traits like their own. This character in particular seems like she may be a poor orphan without a ton of friends. This made me feel for her/him, made me want to hug them and tell them that Jesus is looking out for them. Now, I was told to use constructive criticism, but to me, I feel like that's kinda just pointing out all the negatives instead of looking at the whole piece. This is perfect to me, but I have to try to find something wrong with it so that I don't get deleted. Maybe I could point out that it didn't have any exclamation? It didn't have any exclamation! Well, at least until the last stanza. If you are going to use punctuation, use it for the whole poem, my dear friend! I guess that's all that I have to say here. Keep writing! I hope to hear more from you! Have an amazing day/night! JESUS LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!

Until The End
-Ari

Ps: If you are a moderator and reading this, please know that I am not just mentioning you for point count. This is my first review since the warning that you gave me and I just wanted to give you a message as well as review my friend's work. If you didn't catch it, here is the message; everyone has their own styles of writing. Just because it doesn't match yours, that doesn't mean that it's all spam. I mean no disrespect by this. I honor you all as authority figures on YWS and don't want to upset any of you. Jesus loves you and have a good day/night!

Oh, looks like I'm a tiny bit late. Oh well, you know who I am. Let's get right down to it.




She browses daily at the used bookstore in town
Looking for any treasures that might be found
Her passion is the written word
When she was young that was how she learned

^ This was a good starter for the poem. It introduces the character as a bookworm, which is relatable for me. The rhyming seems to go from first line to second line, then third line to fourth line. That's fine.
-
She had no formal education of her own
But a kindly gentleman had lots of books for loan
Patiently she had taught herself to read
From this knowledge came a strangeness of greed

^ Wouldn't change anything!
-
Then on she wished to have books of her own
So each day she perused the stores in town
Her clothes were old and somewhat thread bare
Although it was evident she did not care

^ Again, wouldn't change anything, word wise. Although the last line would be good with a comma after evident.
-
She has a bag for her books and a little pocket change
And treasures each day the good Lord will arrange
At day's end she returns to her one room flat
Just her, the books and Fluffy her cat
She's happy though, books are her wealth
This is the life she's chosen for herself

^ I would suggest putting a comma after Fluffy, but I wouldn't change anything besides that.

Overall, this is one of the better poems I've read from you. I like the meaning behind it and it was handled very well. The character is relateable, which is something every piece of writing should need, no matter its length.

~gxldencrxwns

Hello! Sumer here to pop in and give you a little review.

Alright, I will start off by saying I love everything this poem stands for and the second I read the description I thought 'This will be great!'. Now, I will say I only found three issues that I think need to be addressed.

One being repetition, yes the rhyming of the poem is what brings it life and gives it flow but the issue is you have used 'own' and 'town' too often or too closely. And always, keep in mind this is only my opinion. Maybe use a synonym that seems to rhyme w/ it or if you'd like, move the lines around and mix it up a little.

Another would be your patterns, I notice the whole poem has an AA-BB pattern until the very end. Maybe this was intended, but I will say it did stand out to me and trip me up w/ the flow of things. You could also add two more lines to create a whole new AA-BB pattern but that would be if you wanted to. I am only saying here the AA-BB-CC pattern leaves me w/ slight confusion.

The last thing I would like to comment on would be your punctuation and capitalization. Now the capitalization is a simple mistake and I'd say your device automatically did that for you but it is also important to always keep in mind, you need to make those little corrections before publishing. (Though we are only human.)

Next, in the start of your poem I noticed you could have turned the whole stanza into two sentences instead of one. This is continued through the rest of the poem.
My example:

'She browses daily at the used bookstore in town
looking for any treasures that might be found.
Her passion is the written word,
when she was young that was how she learned.'

As always I hope you continue to write these messages that never fail to impress me and I hope my review did nothing more or less than to help you.

-Sumer

Hey this is Spartan 118 here giving you an amazing review so bare with me and just let me review.
So I like that this poem is about a girl who wants to read and never stop reading. I love the concept of the basic poem style it's something that has been so long for me to read, thank you. I like that there's no punctuation at all its kinda funny to see and there's no spelling mistakes so yay and honestly if there's a grammar Nazi reading this I'm gonna laugh.
Well thank you for letting me review and have a wonderful time hope you enjoyed and are happy.
This is Spartan 118 signing out, later.

I think the poem tells a very interesting story, I like it, and the adjectives and metaphors are very good. Next time, maybe have less syllables between each rhyme, as it flows nicer the quicker the rhymes come. I would also say watch grammar, and I'm not sure if you meant to do it that way, but it was kind of odd with the amount of lines each section, with 6 at the end. But I enjoyed it! Keep at it, and have a great day!

Argh, meant to edit this review by clicking back on the page, but it created a whole new review unbeknowenst to me. See above, and sorry!