The Turners

by Snoops

Published December 30, 2016

E - Everyone

In The Turners

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A middle aged couple sat at the table in the kitchen, in morning robes.

“Are you ready?” Annie asks, her black hair tied in a bun.

“I'm never ready. These are the worst days of the year. My nightmares have nightmares about this day.” Ben said, holding his cup of tea. Annie preferred coffee.

“We have to. It's our duty to get this done.” she sighed.

“Okay...On three?” Ben says, taking a deep breathe.

“On one.”

And so the Turners counted down their last three seconds of peace before chaos started.

“Three...” Ben said.

“Two...” Annie nodded.

“One.” They said together.

“Wake up kids! Come on! You're first day of school and you don't want to be late.” Annie yelled. Ben hadn't been brave enough, he needed more tea.

“I hate the first day of school.” Ben muttered.

Funny enough, the exact same was said up stairs by the one and only seventeen year old Evan Turner. Evan, the school hottie, was in a band, loved pizza and hated school. The cliché was real. The clear blue eyes, the fake leather jacket and the long blonde hair didn't help the stereotype.

“I hate the first day of school.” he muttered.

“Me too. So does Frank.” Tom said, the fourteen year old, was laying in the bed across the room, his cat on his lap.

“Tell Frank he doesn't go to school.” Evan muttered.

Frank was Tom's cat. And Tom was not crazy. Tom, just like his mum, had spiky black hair, and just like his brother, the signature blue eyes, has a gift like everyone in the family.

“He says the house feels weird when it's empty.”

“I'll miss him too.” Evan said, stroking Franks' black fur. “Now up before Mum runs up stairs. You too William!”.

“No I think I'm okay...I'm feeling a little sick today.”, William, the sixteen year old, said coughing dramatically. William had blond wavy hair and brown eyes, his smirk making girls fall off their chair, but right now, his hair was a mess, his eyes were closed and he was hiding under the covers.

“Oh really? You think Mum will fall for that?”

Evan helped Tom pick clothes for the day, because once a year, Tom did try his best. Only once a year. Not that he would ever wear a leather jacket like his brother, but at least something clean and unripped was necessary for the first day of school.

Tomorrow would be back to normal.

“Evan! Evan!” Maya called, she stormed in the room, her red lips tight in a smirk. Her blond hair and brown eyes dazzling. If someone was ready for the first day of the last term of school, it was Maya. Unlike her twin, William, who hadn't left bed yet.

“What?”, Evan asked, turning around.

“I'm hungry.” she said. “Please, let's just go quickly, I just want one croissant. Please.”

“I'll be tired all day.” Evan complained.

“You can go alone. Come on, Mum's cooking and its the diet stuff so please...”

“Fine. Only if you wake Emma and Juliet. It's your turn.”

“Deal.” she smiled, running out. Her blond hair was tied up, showing everyone her big brown eyes, or like Dad likes to call them, two big poops. Sorry. Dad joke.

As Maya walked past Teddy's room, she heard the bed breaking from all the bouncing. She would deal with that later. Or she would leave it for someone else to worry about. Probably the second.

“Good Morning Early Birds.”, she said as she came inside the twins room.

“Get out!” they half scream, half yawn.

“Hold on, it's 7 am, you guys can't be grumpy yet.”, she said, knowing fully well they could.

“Watch us.” Emma muttered, her blond hair being the only thing you could see.

Maya walked over to the window, opening the curtain and turning on the radio. One way to wake up this family was music, as loud as possible. From every room, different types balred out the radios—ballet, classic, rock, jazz, and so much more.

“Don't open the window...this room hasn't seen sunlight in months. I don't think its ready. I don't think I'm ready.” Juliet groans. Juliet, just like her Twin Emma, was fourteen. They were both blond, blue eyed, thin and tall, and have big chubby adorable cheeks.

“You have five minutes. Now hurry up.” Maya orders before slamming the door behind her.

“Juliet, you go shower first.” Emma says, hoping for two more seconds in bed.

“My beds too warm for that...” She complains.

“So is mine.” You could hear Emma mutter, before the room went quiet for two minutes.

“I cannot be late.”, you could hear Juliet say.

“Then go take a shower.”, Emma points out.

“Fine, but I'm not going to be save any toast for you!” Juliet said before walking out the door and running across the hallway, hoping, begging, that Teddy wasn't already inside.

“Anyone in here?”, she says, knocking.

“I'm nearly done.” Teddy says. Why Teddy? Why did it always have to be him! He was four and a half ans still took longer in the bathroom than all of us!

“Teddy, please no water fight with Paul today. I need to get ready. Are you going on the toilet?”

“Polar Bear Paul is asleep in my bed” -that's code for he lost the stuffed bear again- “But I'm sort of stuck.”

“Again?”

“Mum says I should just ask for help when it happens.”

“I'm coming in.” Juliet opens the bathroom door to find Teddy floating up against the ceiling. Teddy had a mop of brown hair, his small tired brown eyes looking down.

“How am I supposed to reach that?” she asks.

“Grab a chair?”

Quickly she closed the toilet seat, jumps up and grabs Teddy by the ankle, pulling him down.

“We really need to start training that.”

“I will. It's just hard...” Teddy says, looking down at the floor.

“Hey, trust me, I know. Everyone does. Emma had fireballs coming out of her ears when she was your age. Don't worry.”, she said, ruffing up his hair. “Now shooo.” she says, scooting him out.

Teddy was pushed out the door, and hoped to death he wouldn't start rising soon. Then he saw Abigail. Abigail had black hair and blue eyes, she was fifteen and small for her age.

“Top of the morning to ya!” he shouted, with the worst British accent.

“Hey Teds...Ready for a day with Dad again?” Abigail asked, journal in hand.

“Yes! He said I can play the drums.”

“As long as you play it when we're gone, I do not mind”, she smiled.

“Can I have a piggy back ride!” Ted shouted, already running over behind her.

“Well, that's great because look who just got out of his room. It's Evan!” Abigail said, pointing towards the end of the hall.

“Good Morning.” Evan said suspicious, “What did you just say I would do for him?” he says, backing off a little.

“I said you would shave your head for him.”, Abigail said, her face dead serious.

“No! No! No way!” Evan screamed, protectively setting his arms over his head and precious hair.

“Calm down, barbie Ken, it's just a piggy back ride.”

“Piggy back ride! Piggy back ride! Piggy back ride!” Teddy started chanting.

“Oh, oh okay then. Come here!”

Teddy ran all the way over to Evan, half jumping up and down. His feet floating from the floor slowly. Evan didn't even had to lower his back for Teddy to be on top of him.

“You can go now!” Teddy yelled.

“Hold on, Abigail here you go.” he said, handing her a brown bag.

“What's this?”

“Croissants.” he smirked.

“From you know where?” she asked. He nodded.

“Yup. Don't tell Mum.” he smiled, “And give one to Maya. I promised her.”

“I would never tell Mum” Abigail smiled.

“What would you never tell Mum?”, Mum asked, as she stood near the stairs, fully dressed, ready for work.

“How gorgeous she is! Your ego might inflate and we wouldn't want that now would we.” Evan said, smiling.

“Oh really? That's what you were discussing?”

“What else could it be?”, he grinned.

“Probably wouldn't be the Croissants behind Abigail's back that everyone can smell all over the house! No! No! That would be ridiculous! Right?” she smiled.

“Right!”, Teddy, Abigail and Evan said at the same time.

“Go downstairs right now! You little rascals! Now, who isn't awake?”

“I haven't seen William.” Abigail pointed out.

“Oh, I swear, if that little monster isn't awake..” she muttered, walking towards his room.

“Well I would say that went perfect!” Evan said, huge smile plastered on his face.

“She totally knows!” Abigail pointed out.

“Yes, but what do I still have in my hands?”

“The croissants?” Abigail asked as Evan showed them to her.

“Exactly! That's success if you ask me!”, Evan said, walking down the stairs.

“Whatever you say!”, she smiled.

They walked down the stairs together to see Maya and Dad. Maya practicing her violin and Dad helping her.

“Good morning.” Dad said.

“Good morning, Dad.” they chanted back, Teddy jumping on his lap.

“Where is the rest? We need Emma if we want toast. The toaster is broken again.” he said, cuddling Teddy.

“I'll go get her!”, Teddy screamed, jumping off Dad's lap and up the stairs.

“I do have some fresh strawberries from outback. Abigail, you planted them yesterday. Any takers?”

“Yes please!”, Evan said, sitting down. Abigail sat next to him and Tom soon joined her, showing her a new book he just finished.

“It's about the philosophy of Humans and they're actions. I think you would quite enjoy it.”, Tom said.

“Thanks”, she smiled, her mouth full of a croissant. “Have you seen that movie that Jim...” she rambled off.

“Dad, can I have the car today? I want to hang out with Noah. I'll bring the twins to their band practice, Emma to football training and babysit Teddy after”

“Deal, but take care of diner too please, I'm taking your mother out for a picnic tonight.” he said.

“No problem”, Evan smiled, as Dad gave him the keys.

With sleepy heads and mum behind them, Emma, Juliet,William and Teddy walked downstairs. They looked exhausted and hungry.

“Morning sleepy heads! Ready for another day at school?”

“Yep”, they muttered, sitting down.

“Don't just sit there? Let's make some breakfast? Who wants pancakes?” Dad asked.

“I do! I do! I do!” Teddy chanted, the rest all grinning.

“Fourteen normal pancakes and two vegan one's for Tom coming up!” he shouted.

“Emma, honey, will you make some toast? The toaster broke yesterday.”

“No problem”, Emma stood up, grabbed some bread and started heating it up with her hands.

“Did you wash them before toasting?”, Maya asked, grinning.

“Don't! Don't you dare, Maya!”, Emma shouted, but before she could save herself, Maya had extended her arm, smiled and suddenly, the tap broke loose and started wetting Emma.

“That's for covering my room with sticky notes! Your revenge shall come Juliet! I know you did it too!”, Maya laughed.

“Girls! Enough! Now!” Mum said.

“Girls? Maya is the one who splashed me!” Emma screamed.

“Mum, don't worry, I've got it”, William said, standing up and grabbing both girls by their waste, holding them effortlessly up.

“You're such a show off, Will”, Maya said, trying to loosen the grip.

“Am not!”

“Let us go or I will burn you!” Emma threatened. Her face dead serious.

“Okay okay...I'll let you go!”, he said, dropping both of them. “What a scary kid, geez” he muttered.

“Guys, it's 10 minutes till school! Let's go!” Evan said, standing up and playing with the keys in his hands.

“Last one there is a rotten egg”, Emma laughed and started running.

Juliet started running first, behind her, seconds later a “dammit” was heard and Maya was sprinting, which got Tom and William to laugh and join.

“Bye Mum and Dad!” Evan waved, kissing his mother on the cheek, then teleporting across the lawn and into the car.

“I win!” Evan said as the rest joined inside.

“You cheated!”, Emma pointed out.

“I didn't cheat. I was just smart. Now let's go!”, Evan said, turning the engine on. 

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
skylnn00writes
Comment
skylnn00writes commented Comment · Feb 25, 2017

First of all, this story is really good. Second, all your commas should be inside the quotation marks when it applies. Also, you do not need commas after any of the quotation marks. It's grammatically incorrect so just be careful of that.

I love the idea of this story. It's pretty crazy how there are a lot of sets of twins in the family, and the beginning with the parents ready to wake their children up was really funny. I imagine hat will be me in the future :D

All together this story is really good and I don't have a lot to say about it. I hope this review helps you and I really love reading this story so keep writing!

skylnn00writes wrote a review Review · Feb 25, 2017

First of all, this story is really good. Second, all your commas should be inside the quotation marks when it applies. Also, you do not need commas after any of the quotation marks. It's grammatically incorrect so just be careful of that.

I love the idea of this story. It's pretty crazy how there are a lot of sets of twins in the family, and the beginning with the parents ready to wake their children up was really funny. I imagine hat will be me in the future :D

All together this story is really good and I don't have a lot to say about it. I hope this review helps you and I really love reading this story so keep writing!

Snoops replied · Feb 25, 2017

Thank you! :)

queenofscience wrote a review Review · Jan 1, 2017

Hi. It's QofS here.

Your story concept is really cool. When I saw the words 'super family' I wanted to take a look. Writing about superhero's is always fun! So, great concept!

I feel that your first chapter could be inproved a bit. In your first chapter you show them all getting ready for school, and that's it. Unless your first chapter is going to DRIVE your plot/characters in some way, than keep it. If not, you can inprove it and make it more exciting. Maby start off with a action or tense scene and then cut to a different scene and explain how it all started. I think that this would be fairly easy to do sense they are a family of superheros. When I first read this, I though that I would be witnessing them useing their powers or fighting crime or other super heroy things. I wasn't expecting to read a full chapter about their morning rutine. Think....Is this adding to my charaters/plot in some way. Remember, HOOK your reader. Make your reader feel for and love your characters. Make your readering emotinal about your story. Draw your readers in. Think of your first few pharagraphs as bait. I don't think that the reader would be wanting to read a whole chapter about a charters moring. Add some spice to it! :)

In your story you said somthing about your chacters looking cliche. I wonder what your reasoning is behind this? Is it important to the story?If so, keep it, show your readers way. If not, revise. At times, the writing that you do when you revise is better then the original. You may be more satified with it, too.

Are you saying that they look clichi because you don't know any other discripitons? If so, you can look on the internet for ideas on body/hair/cloths etc. Bear in mind your chacters and what do you think they look like, what their personalites are ect. And, one more tip--I encourge writers to write 'original' ideas. Not everything has to be, or is original. What matters with an idea is what you do with it. Ok, so your writing about superheros....change it up in some way. Surprise and shock your readers ect. Make your readers want to read your book because of a brand new idea or concept. I think that, in general, readers want to read about somthing that is 'fresh'. Like I said, SUPERHEROS ARE AWESOME!WHAT MAKES THEM UNIQUE OR STAND OUT? :) Explore this! I think, if you write somthing with a fairly new idea or concept (even if it's just a few ideas in your story) that you will be more satisfied with it if you decide to publish. I think readers will gravitate/gobble up a concept or idea that is fairly new. It's not the same old.

So far, your doing well. Remember, this is all a stage in a craft, and their is always room for inprovment. Yes, even I have been down the road that you are on. It took me years to be where I am now. I'm glad that you wrote this. Even if you don't like it in the future, at least you wrote something and you are inproving and learning. Whatever you do with it, it has great potental. I can tell that your trying. Your ideas can go to beatiful places. Like I said, I really enjoyed the concept.

Remember," A lot of good writeing has to do with what is left out." Think....is this important to my story.

Remember, what I am saying is ment to help, not to hurt, bash, or tear you down. I am meaning the best for you and your work. If you need any help you can message me. :)

User avatar
maisewriting
Review
maisewriting wrote a review Review · Dec 31, 2016

Ooh! I love this concept, it sounds really cool! I love the idea of a super family :)
There were a few little grammar mistkaes but they're simple and easy to fix. For example, at some points, it went from past tense to present tense. Also, instead of
“Good Morning.” Evan said.
it should be
“Good morning,” Evan said.
But that's just a small thing. Also, there were lots of characters introduced at once, I got really confused. Maybe try staggering the introductions a bit more? And also I wasn't sure whose POV you were using, which sort of added to the confusion.
But on another note I love how you've captured the chaos of the family! I'd love to read more!
Hope this helps you :)

User avatar
Adler77
Review
Adler77 wrote a review Review · Dec 31, 2016

I love your story so far. A superpowered family going to school! I can't wait to see their antics at school! I take it that Annie is the mother of the family?I'm confused because at the start, you wrote:

"Annie asks, her black hair tied in a bun." But when introducing Tom, you write: "Tom, just like his mum, had spiky black hair"

You also wrote: "From every room, different types balred out the radios" what is balred?

Did you mean “Good Morning Early Birds.” or "Good morning early birds."

When you wrote: just like her Twin Emma ,did you mean just like her twin, Emma

When you wrote: “It's about the philosophy of Humans and they're actions" , did you mean their actions?


I have some questions concerning capitalization.



For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein