Published December 12, 2011
Count the beads of a rosary necklace,
my sweet,
and save a few blessings for me.
I pray in tangled thoughts
and twisted beliefs.
I once thought I could make heaven
a liveable, breathable, tangible thing,
but my god and your god
are both fickle and crucified thoughts
—macabre lost
in the churning wind and the leaves
that kick up dirt in the eyes
of those who skim faithfully
ancient Hebrew text and lies.
When I am lost
chasing innumerable faiths
and parchment colored moons
who should guide my withered spirit
to proper light
—should I choose a proper faith
to steal away to my creative mind
and religious muse?
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I like your style of writing and the symbolism you used, and I can see where you're coming from with the three glaring flaws.
At the line "my sweet, and save..." perhaps saying "say" instead of "save" would be better, but I can see where it would fit in, so it would be okay either way, I suppose, it's up to you. Anyway, it's a great piece of work you've got here, and I like how you hold on to the idea of religion throughout the entire poem, so keep up the good work!!
I really enjoyed this!
Just a few suggestions, Keep Writing-Tori
P.S. I love your profile picture, I'm a total Ian Somerhalder junkie.