Material things weather and age,
Untouchable love, a turning page.
A book unwritten,
Left for two single hearts to script their own.
To be continued,
A priceless possession.
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
It is very short however very sophisticated, it sends out a clear emotion to the reader and this is the pivotal part of the poem which i believe you should focus on.
I think this poem has 'Priceless' potential.
It is very short however very sophisticated, it sends out a clear emotion to the reader and this is the pivotal part of the poem which i believe you should focus on.
I think this poem has 'Priceless' potential.
It is very short however very sophisticated, it sends out a clear emotion to the reader and this is the pivotal part of the poem which i believe you should focus on.
I think this poem has 'Priceless' potential.
hmmm....I like it. Very simplistic and stylized, yet it gives clear emotion and beauty in its words.
I must say that I don't care for the last two lines, I find them rather weak compared to the excellence preceeding it. I felt that the last line about the hearts in script being strong enough to stand ontheir own, and the priceless line just sort of ends the story with a poof.
That said, even though it'd make the piece very short that way, I don't find much to improbe here. Really a great read.
I like it, it's short but not simple, like most short poems. It has a hidden meaning that is easy to see, but is beautiful and unique. Though, I'd switch a few words, like "weathered" to "withered". But really, all in all, it's a good poem.
Hey there, Smy. This is a cute little poem you've got here. It made me go "Awww". It's sweet and short. But not simple. It tells a story without drawing it out into a huge, long novel. I really like how you've done this--it makes you think. Or not think, depending on your perception of the poem. Either way, this is good.
Thank you for the beautiful poetry. ^^ Keep it up and never stop writing!
I'm afraid I don't have much to say except that this line; "Left for two single hearts to script their own." could be reworded somehow as it doesn't quite flow with the rest of the poem. Then again, I've never been one for perfect flow. XD One thing I do think you could work on is expanding this. Maybe adding another stanza could work? I really feel as though this is only half the story.
Overall, I really do adore this. *clicks like* It really is a priceless possession.
~Scar.
Hello Smy! I'll review this for you if that's okay.
First off, the first line:
Did you mean 'wither'? I noticed that and thought to myself, "weather?"
Anyways. Onto the rest of the review.
Overall, I'll say that I actually did enjoy this. Usually, I hate short poems like this because they don't depict quite enough imagery or emotion for my taste - they're too skeleton-like. However, this was was... well, it was decent. I thought, though, that there were some things that sounded a bit cliche to me. 'Untouchable love' was one thing. As was the idea of life being a story, but you seemed to add a bit of a twist there that helped.
Either way, I would at least consider rewording it slightly. Of course, it's your poem and ultimately your choice to decide what to do with it, that's my opinion.
Also, and once again, you definitely don't have to do this - at all - but, I thought that you could expand on this a little bit. There are a few different ways it could go, and I wanted to read a bit more. (Then again, that's good. It meant you left me at least wanting to read a bit more.)
Anyways.
Overall, this was definitely a good piece and I enjoyed it.
Keep writing,
~~Cass.
I love it!But it truly seems a little awkward...When you start of with the writing it confuses me a little but i do love the concept of the poem and love the feeling that comes from it.
If you don't keep writing I will come after youu!!!
=) =D