And I shall walk a thousand miles
The night be dark, the road not mine
For I have one bright spot in mind
And that is you, my love, my shine
It's burning hot, the Sun helps naught
But I need no bread, I need no shade
I look up to the soothing calm
The kiss of love, the touch of her arms
And I shall walk a thousand miles..
It's raining hard, the lightning roars
the thorns just make my spirits soar
The blood won’t make the journey long
The pain shall sweep away with her song
And yet she is far, a thousand miles!
But I move along, with limping files
The nature cried, So hard I tried
What makes you but go on and on?
If you had me asked, and I would have told
You can’t stop a man, who is out for his gold
And keep I walking a thousand miles,
for her earthly love, her heavenly smiles..
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141,661 Literary Works • 675,379 Reviews
Hi! First off, I really liked it. It was great. But there are a few things that I don't entirely understand.
"For I have one bright spot in mind"
I don't get how that works into the opening verse.
"Its raining hard, the lightening roars
the thorns just make my spirits soar"
Please please please, if nothing else, change it to "it's". "It's" mean "it is" and "its" is posseive. You said the rain belongs to someone, not it is raining hard.
"Lightning" not "lightening". But, you might want to consider changing lightning to thunder to make it fit better. Thunder just has a better sound to it.
Also, is there something that you particularly like about thorns? Because I've stepped on thorns, and they didn't make my spirits soar, but they did make my feet sore. Are you trying to say something about the pain and difficulty of the road?
Also, I don't know what you mean by "limping files".
What I recommend doing is rearranging the order of that verse.
"Its raining hard, the lightening roars
the thorns just make my spirits soar
The blood won’t make the journey long
The pain shall sweep away with her song
And yet she is far, a thousand miles!
But I move along, with limping files"
Instead, try: " It's raining hard, the lightning roars, the thorns just make my spirits soar, I know the pain will sweep away with her song, and the blood won't make the journey long, and yet she is far, a thousand miles, but I move along, with limping files."
It helps make what you're saying clearer to the reader. It's a beautiful verse and deserves to be understood.
"The nature cried, So hard I tried
What makes you but go on and on?
If you had me asked, and I would have told
You can’t stop a man, who is out for his gold
And keep I walking a thousand miles,
for her earthly love, her heavenly smiles.."
I love that verse. It's so gorgeous I just wanted to cry!
Keep up the good work!
Rose
Rose, thank you for the kind words. I shall make the necessary changes with the spelling. As for the thorns, it just implies that the road is tough, and yet the man is not perturbed. Again, thanks a lot. It really helps
Well, here I am, ready to review...
It was great, the bit of details and usage of metaphors really set it off. Although, the punctuation needs a little bit of work - which I'm actually not criticizing you much about that because I do the same with my poetry at times, but I do it on purpose. If yours wasn't meant to be on purpose, then I really do have to advise you to read over your piece before submitting it to make sure errors aren't corrupting it (sorry! D: I didn't want to be mean).
Other than that, there's not much to say other than it was a really beautiful poem. I'm sure the person you have written it for will be/is pleased with it.
Anyhoo, great job, and I hope to read more from you soon!
- Jenna
Thank you Jenna
Hi,
Well first off I thought you did a truly excellent poem that carries through to the reader effortlessly and I really enjoyed it.
It was, as I thought a poem full of emotion and a strong sense of well being that I really liked.
Thank you so much for posting and good job!
I am happy I could transfer my emotions through to you:) Thank you for the kind words
Hey! Pixie here to review!
- and that's always good. My favorite stanza must've been this one ~
I really liked this poem. Is by far one of my favorites. Oh! And welcome to YWS.
This was a very interesting poem but there's something about the title that kind of threw me off. Can you please keep all the words' first letter capital? That would really help me. It gets stuck in my mind whenever that happens...
Detail. You did this perfectly and it somehow drew me in, you know? Detail, detail, detail! You put strange words in there - great job by the way
A.m.a.z.i.n.g. So much emotion and detail!
Overall I would give this poem an 9/10/
~Katie
Katie(or PixieStix
), Thank you so much for the kind words 
You made my day 
I am so glad you enjoyed my poem. You would be the first one I would ask to get any new work reviewed 
Again, thanks a lot