Streetlight

Hello smilykid, Jordin here with a review for you. I hope it helps you out some.

Well throughout this entire poem there is absolutely no punctuation.

Light across the street
Light that flickers at my feet
Yellow you were before
Now, not so much of a bore

Hey Smileykid!

I'm just going to dive straight into this review, I hope you don't mind ^_^

So, I like the title and the concept of this poem, I just wish there were more content for me to explore it with! While this is indeed short and brief, it's nice in a way, because light is something that is very simple, so to express it in few, crisp words is probably a wise decision.

However, it is often said that poetry is very much the best words said in the best order - so while the structure and form of the piece sort of fits that idea, I think there could have been better word choices implemented, something to provide a more unique perspective, or something to better engage our senses. It's almost guaranteed, a poem about light, that it's going to be mostly sight imagery. It would've been interesting if you would have evoked sound, taste, smell, or feel of light.

Also remember to keep it precise, because with a short poem like this, every word out of place speaks echoes in discord. So for example, the repetition of light in that second line, you could probably due without and just begin that line as: that flickers at my feet. Now, your first half rhymes -- and the second half does not -- was this intentional?

I hope this review helps. Let me know if you wish to chat this up, or if you have any questions or concerns.

~ as always, Audy

is this poem is complete? this question revolves in my think tank while scanning ur poem. starting is nice but at the bottom the feel of a poem lost. i was expecting a bit length! as i like long poetries but length doesn't matters! here why i told u to increase ur length a bit more coz it is not climbing up while reading! so increase length so that i 'll get the real taste of it.

hope u work more on this stuff!

yeehah!

I saw the title and thought that this would be simple. That was 2 hours ago. your writing is keeping me thinking about the intended or the unintended. The word choice in that last stanza is fantastic! Write more!

Hello! I liked your poem overall. Good idea.
I think I'll review it one verse at a time:

'Light across the street
Light that flickers at my feet
Yellow you were before
Now, not so much of a bore'

So your poem, I think, needs a bit more punctuation. I think you should have a dash at the end of your first line, so it reads 'light across the street - light that flickers at my feet', And then after the second line maybe a colon or semicolon or comma. A semicolon after the third line and a period after the fourth.
Besides that, I like the first two sentences and using both words 'light' and 'street' in a sentence without saying 'streetlight'. I also like the word 'flickers' but I think 'feet' leads the reader to believe the light is coming from below, unless you say ' light reflected at my feet', like its reflected off the sidewalk or something.
I am a bit confused by the line about 'yellow you were before', but that might just be me. However, when you say 'Now, not so much of a bore' it's like referring to yellow as a bore so what are you trying to say? Yellow is boring? And what has changed, that makes it more interesting? I suppose all poems should be cryptic a bit but I was never good at poetry so I like things to be spelled out for me.

'In darkness I saw you
A luminescent brain
Thoughts expressed in lumens'

Punctuation again should be placed in the form of a comma after the first and second lines, and a period after the third, so both verses are sentences.
I like your opening line to this verse, and the next two lines as well honestly. I just prefer you didn't say 'luminescent' and then 'lumens' in to analogous sentences, because it sounds repetitive. Change one of them to a different word, can't think of one right now though sorry.

So anyways, great poem. And always, keep writing