Published July 21, 2011
But, what is the definition of a home?
A place to return to at the end of a long day,
a place built where a person may lay their head down to sleep?
Or, is a home something more?
Is a home simply a construction of materials?
Or, can a home be anywhere, in any form, even the shape of a lover's embrace?
Are there boundaries to what a home should be?
Is a home something one can have without the warmth brought to them by happiness and love?
Or, is the absence of those things mark a place only as a house?
Do these feelings make up what a home truly is, not merely a built upon space of land? For, if this is the truth than I have surely found my home in her arms.
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138,289 Literary Works • 672,098 Reviews
Hey there, Smiley!
So, I won’t dig into this with nitpicks too deeply because I want to concentrate on something else. I do have a few little things though:
Starting with “but” can come off as a bit weak. Opening lines should really grab you up and reel you in. “But” isn’t the most effective tool for that.
This is actually a really long fragment. There’s no predicate (main verb) so this is really just a bunch of actionless nouns.
Two things here. First, for the shape and structure of your piece, I would recommend dropping the second sentence down to its own line. Second, I would remove “For” from the beginning of that second sentence. Like “but” up above, it’s not a very strong word choice.
Okay, now that those little things are done with, I will cover the big thing that does sort of bother me about this. You’re probably wondering what that is now that you’ve read through my nitpicks! Well, you ask a lot of questions throughout this. It runs in circles with all of these questions and it leaves the reader hanging because you don’t give a sense of whole completeness to the piece. To an extent, you do with that last line but it’s not quite fulfilling. By using the home idea a bit more, I think you’d have a really great poem.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with a link to a quote by Christopher Moore that your poem reminded me most of.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a PM or leave a message on my wall.
~lilymoore
I liked it. It was very interesting, and it made me want to answer the question as to : what exactly is a home? It's a question that I can't quite answer. It's a difficult answer with an even more difficult answer, but either way...I really liked your poem. Keep up the good work.
Clear, to the point and probably what most people seem to be looking for in my work, effective. Your poem seems to have more questions than answers though but I guess that is a different way of pulling the reader in and making him think. Well, it was certainly not boring. Keep up the good job dude, her arms will be waiting for you