Young Writers Society

This poem is very good! Most girls think they're not worthy of a guy's affection, which is what your poem seems to be about. I like the first stanza the most, I myself have hated someone for everything they are and when I next talked to him I forgot everything bad. I forgot he made me cry, he cheated, he stole, all of his faults disapeared from my mind when he smiled. I can relate to this poem, thank you for writing it.

Hello

I really loved your thought process while writing this, because it sounds really natural and realistic. However, I think that you can make this a lot more poetic by showing instead of telling. This sort of reminds me of a Frank Sinatra tune called "They Can't Take That Away From Me" where the lyrics are something along the lines of "The way you hold your knife/The way you sip your tea/The way you changed my life..." and I think that you could say a lot more than just "You're handsome". You could mention how much you love the dimple on the right side of his mouth when he smiles, or the stupid sounding laugh that he has. Be creative in a way that makes your readers ask "Why didn't I think of that?".

One last thing: I would definitely recommend stanza breaks in this poem, and reconsider some of your uses of the comma. You don't need punctuation at the end of every line. This is an all-too-common mistake. A comma signifies a pause. If there is no need for a pause in the reading, there is no need for a comma. Otherwise a very nice piece, keep it up!
-Alex

Hi, Smile!

I'm sure that a lot of us can relate to this and recall similar experiences from our own lives. But how to make the reader go from "yeah, I know that feeling" to "*wow*, I know that feeling"? How to go from something relatively basic to a poem that really makes its readers *feel*?

You have some good points in this. At the moment, it feels a bit too much like a regular thought process, you know, something that you write down as your head thinks it. It's probably because at the moment the only thing that makes it look like a poem is that the thoughts are divided into their own separate lines instead of a solid text like this review, for example.

You could make this appear like a poem even more if you divided this into stanzas and made sure that it reads well and smoothly - the best way to do that is to read it out loud! Then you'll see which lines sound good as they are and which ones should be made longer or shorter to make the rhythm flow.

I think that would make wonders alone. Happy writing!


Demeter
x

I love this. It reaches to me in a very personal way. I love how you made it seem like the girl is not good enough for the guy, but when he focuses on her, it is like the world around them stops and she suddenly is good enough. Maybe not good together, but not good for anybody else (quoting my favorite song right there). Anyways, nice job!