Good ending Kayla (:Smexaykk01 wrote:#FF0000 ">PLEASE READ THE PROLOGUE! OR YOU WILL NOT GET THE FIRST CHAPTER!!! Why don't you put in a link to the prologue? Some people are pretty lazy and wbf going to find it haha.
I placed my chin on my palm of my hand and my elbow on the old wooden school desk, I was trying to block out Ms. Drawbridge go on and on about how poetry is supposed to make you feel. I really don’t get this because right now we are supposed to be studying math… weird isn’t it? Can you explain without too much detail as to why the teacher is discussing poetry during maths?I looked around the class, seeing Jimmy Naughton smile at me then letting his drool flow over his bottom lip. Ew, he embarrassingly wiped the spit off his chin and the school desk. I gave him a small smile and went back to setting my eyes on the clock. It was 2:00 pm just five more minutes and school is over for the summer, I smiled at the thought. I wonder what mum is doing, since she doesn’t need a job because of dad’s new job she probably is baking or on the phone. Our new house is nice, it’s not fancy but it’s not crap either.
“Halia, Can you please answer the question?” the ringing voice of the teacher came into the picture.
“Um, sorry Miss but can you please repeat?the question?” I asked. Crap I should stop day dreaming during class, I could get a letter back to mum and dad.
“I said, what is thirty six divided by sixis?”
“Um, six?” I answered her,Make this a full stop then begin a new sentence for a new action/thought. why the hell would she ask me that? I’m sixteen, not eleven.
“Good job!” she clapped twice, “You get a gold star to your name!”
There must be something awfully wrong with this chicks brain, or maybe she works backwards… what if I was in first grade she would teach us geometry or something hard at least. I looked at my best friend Sophie Callaway at the other end of the room. She was really pretty, light brown curly hair and the bluestOnce you get to college, they will teach you suffixes/prefixes in English. You need a prefix here, I think o.O So 'most blue' instead of 'bluest'. eyes you will ever see, it sort of reminded me of Seth… I would never forget his eyes. I gave a little signal cough and she glanced my way, I directed my action to the teacher and I twirled my index finger around my head. She giggled so loud that the teacher turned around and spied the class. Sophie clapped her hand to her mouth and slid down on her seat so that she was less noticeable.
The bell rang; everyone jumped off their seat and gave a little cheer.
“Right everyone, see you all next year I hope and keep out of trouble” Miss Drawbridge called while the peppy teens were exiting the room. Once I got to the hall I couldn’t see Sophie so I just went to my locker emptied out all of my stuff into my bag and left for the girl’s bathroom Sophie will probably be there already fixing up her hair for the seniors. I pushed the swing door open to head into the bathrooms but when I got in there Sophie wasn’t. I looked around and as I was about to leave, Cassidy came in.
“Hey Halia, looking for Sophie?” she asked. She walked over to the mirror and started to twirl a piece of her hair on her finger in front of the mirror. She wore torn jeans, a blue tank-top and some black flats. Her hair was let down to show off her new blonde highlights in her brown hair. She looked over at me with her dark eyes.
“Yeah, you know where she is?” I asked now leaning against a wall.
“Yup, she’s waiting for you in the front of the building” She said simply.
“Okay, thanks Cassidy. Have a nice summer” I pushed my way out of the bathroom and back into the hall…which was now empty. I jogged to the front door and just while I was there I saw my reflection in the glass window. My very light brown/blonde har was tied up in a bun and my side fringe was let down. I had the same deep green eyes as my mum, and well, I guess I get my dimples from dad. I pulled open the door and that when I saw Sophie there with Oliver by her side. Oliver was one of my best friends; he had scruffy dark brown hair and green/blue eyes. He was way taller than me and his musselsmuscles, mussels are food haha XD were like rocks.
“Look who finally comes out!” he called while a walked towards them.
“Excuse me, but I was looking for Sophie” I called back, I had just reached them.
“Admit it, you just can’t say good-bye” Sophie touched her hand to her heart in a spiteful gesture. I gave her a playful push and looked toward the school.
Later St. Lilly high school! There was a vibration coming from my back pocket, I flicked open my phone and I was being called my mum.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Halia! You will never guess who’s here!” she screamed in excitement.
“Uhh, the mail man?” I asked
“No silly, come home now! It’s a big surprise!” she giggled.
“Okay mum, don’t have a heart attack. I’ll be there soon,”
I slapped the phone shut and said.
“Mums gotta end of the year surprise,” I pointed back to my house “I’ll call you guys later,”
“Okay, have a nice time” Soph giggled, I waved to Olli and her and started walking home.
I had been walking for five minutes, the little stones on the sidewalk were starting to make my feet hurt but only because I was wearing very flat black boots over my skinny jeans. But I could see my house from here. My little cute house was red and the porch was white, it was two stories and my bedroom was up stairs. By now I had reached the driveway, there were two car parked there, my mum’s… and someone else’s. I kept on walking till saw the porch, or who was on the porch. Mum and…
“Seth?”
Wooh! Okay, so that was a cool first chapter. You've got some major editing to do, though. Like spelling, and punctuation. There's heaps of commas that you are missing. Add a comma in after a sentence like this:
"Hi," She said. (Instead of "Hi" she said.) Even if you're going to put in an action after that. Hmm yes...pretty much it's just editing you need to work on. But great work anyways, bye!
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