Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
As I walked down the abandoned, over grown street, I could hear the roars and screeching of the once so called animals but now blood thirsty and flesh eating monsters that roam the street. I kept my distance from the minor animals like mice, rabbits and cats that I see every now and then, feeding on the body’s of the infected humans. Ever since my family had died and same as everyone else I have felt hollow… like there was no point in me even being here, I mean sure I see some humans wondering around here every once in a while but they are usually infected and dying, so I try not to get to close to them. As I walked down the pathway of the street I spied myself in the reflection of the glass in one of the empty shops. I wore my tight skinny jeans with my old turquoise tank top. In one of my long black flat boots I kept my dagger, in case I had any problems with the Infected. I smoothed down my long golden brown hair that was tied up in a high ponytail.
Well this one was a little lacking here at first glance. For starters, there's plenty of stuff happening here that you've gotta be breaking this piece down into at the very least two if not three paragraphs, preferably with some of those slightly finer details fleshed out a little more so that it forms more of an opening than the little bit that we have here.
On top of that particular problem we also have a bit of an issue in terms of how things are revealed to us here. The start is decent, and there's things happening that catch our attention but the way this flow continues to then have a full on random description of the protagonist kind of ends up breaking this piece a bit for me and ultimately its not as good as it could possibly have been here so I think perhaps a second look at that wouldn't be a bad idea.
Overall, there seems to be the barebones of something fairly decent here, its just not been presented all that well and in the end we've got a fairly dubious chapter one that doesn't really quite work.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4247
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