Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
TW: mentions of blood, death, weapons
August 20XX, America
Blood. Is there a place without it now? I have no idea. It has been like this for a while. The country I once knew for being calm despite having a tense situation in the government became a battleground full of bloodthirsty soldiers and whatever disease spread because of them. Animals, Humans, hell even plants turned into something that could only be described as something from a horror movie. You could say it caused a zombie apocalypse but that wasn't exactly it. It started on this forsaken battlefield I used to live in but as I fled it seemed to fleet with me. And now that I'm here I can't even remember what exactly happened..I couldn't tell if I was infected anymore and I couldn't even tell if I was still me.
"My name is Ivan. I'm alive and I'm 2X," I mutter to myself as I walk through a ghost village. The name of it was scratched off everywhere it used to be as if it fled with the residents. It was empty and quiet... I couldn't remember the last time I saw a human after Danielle was infected. I tried to save her. I really did but..what could've been done? I wanted to survive just as much as anyone else. Danielle..if you can't keep living I will for you.
I looked around, searching for a grocery store, or maybe even prey that could be eaten. 'My name is Ivan. I'm alive and I'm 2X" I muttered to myself as if I would forget..and as if it mattered if I did. After all, I was probably one of the only few people still alive and I'm going to die before I meet anyone else. I've lost all hope by now - no matter how many villages I walked through. No matter how many camps I saw. They were all empty. Perhaps if I found a city I'd find someone but.. where was the city? I have no idea where I even am. I walked into the first house I could see was open and took whatever food that wasn't expired yet out of it shoving it inside my bag. I was tired..I needed rest. I knew I did but I was too scared to lose step as if the grim reaper was breathing down my neck. I walked through the house finding a bed..
I ended up resting sighing softly as I laid on the bed. For a second I wished I could just melt into the mattress and death suddenly didn't seem all bad... I was so tired. So lonely..I closed my eyes curling into the bed. It felt nice and comforting, making me feel like I could finally block out the outside world. So I did and lost myself to the sound of my breathing.
5 days later, Year 20XX, America
I ended up settling down in the house. It was warm, nice, comforting and had food as well as gas to warm stuff up, but I knew I will have to leave eventually. I dreaded that day everyday. I knew that eventually I will run out of food or it will find me. I knew I had to get on the move but I wanted to stay for a little longer. I sighed, sitting down on the porch sipping my black tea. The quietness that I once dreaded felt warm and comforting.
I wondered if I was going insane, but maybe I just really wanted to rest. I stared at the sky that was nice and blue. It finally wasn't raining, hell there were barely any clouds. I smiled to myself and sipped on my tea while eating the packaged cookies I found.
Finally I didn't feel insane. I didn't have to repeat my name, my age, or the fact that I'm still alive. But my smile didn't last long.. I knew it. I knew that I will have to leave soon, to look for whatever food I can find. I finished my food before finally heading inside again, sitting down on the couch with a book the previous owner left in the shelf. I laughed at the stupid joke that a character made in the story before tensing.
Voices.
Were those really voices or was I finally going mad?
I set down the book slowly heading out of the house only to be kicked down onto the ground with guns pointed at me as I let out a grunt. I looked up to see what seemed to be 3 military men. I really was going insane wasn't I?
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139,214 Literary Works • 672,511 Reviews
Hiya, Rokita here for a good old review! Now let's get this started
I like that he struggles to remember someone close to him and have regrets about not doing something to save or struggles to live on without her. Whether if Danielle is a friend, sister, or possibly girlfriend is completely up in the air. Maybe we could learn more as the story progress.What I like?
How the story starts is good and doesn't miss a beat, you didn't drag on how the zombie apocalypse began only give a brief description. I like your describe the desolation throughout the story, just the emptiness of it all. Ivan repeating his name, age, and the fact that he's alive trying to keep himself sane is a nice touch. Along with questioning if he's going insane. Ending the chapter off with him questioning is sanity after seeing three military men was perfect.
But it isn't all doom and gloom. You sprinkle in some warm spots like when Ivan camps at a house, even though he's He's cherishing these moments, even knowing that he's got to keep moving but at the same time doesn't want to.
Room for Improvement?
Perhaps you could remove to just "5 days later" since the story is still in America and the year didn't change. If you were going for ellipses (happens again earlier in when he talks about Danielle), you might have to add another period in this one Another one is it looks like you accidently used an apostrophe instead of a quotation mark and at the end should end with either a period or comma.
Those are just minor grips I had throughout chapter one, nothing too serious.
Wrap up!
Overall for chapter one, its good
Hope you have a good morning, good evening, and good afternoon! This is RokitaVivi signing out
Thanks for the review! I'm happy you liked it especially the start since it's my favourite part :3 to be real I wrote the chapter like fifty times because I didn't like it so I'm shocked I didn't make more mistakes due to fatigue lmao
Hi Smetana!
Okay! So I admit to have a soft spot for zombie stuff, hahaha. What can I say? After getting a degree in biochemical engineering, it's a guilty pleasure of mine. So I was quite excited to find this!
Anyway, one thing that I would love to see is you expanding your lore and kind of weaving it in the story more. So, instead of telling us everything upfront in the first couple of paragraphs, I would love to kind of experience it... like, having your character sneak into a grocery store, grabbing a Fruit Loops box, and then look sadly at the dairy section, since the milk has been long spoiled and your character desperately wants milk with the cereal. But then he swipes a box of American cheese because that stuff never goes bad. Some things like that, haha. That way, you can kind of show what America looks like now with some pretty American things without explicitly saying America is now destroyed. After all, your character doesn't really know why America is destroyed or what happened. So, if he doesn't know, then it might be good to focus on what he does know... i.e., how to survive.
Other things... I would love to see more through Ivan's eyes the home that he picked and why he picked it. What makes it special to him? It is comfortable and has a nice bed and it seems safe. But is there anything in particular that might advance his character so that we see him more as an individual? For example, if one of my more nervous characters went to an empty house... and saw a handmade quilt... he would instantly be more at ease because that reminds him of his childhood home. So I would have him examine the quilt and admire it, etc., so that we got a little snapshot of the time before, if that makes sense. Or maybe there's something in a picture or something else that makes him feel safe? Something like that would deepen your character!
As for your character's insanity... why does he feel insane? I kind of wish you went into this. Right now, he just seems like he's surviving. So he seems stressed to me, but I don't understand why he feels particularly insane. Is there something else that warrants this feeling?
...and one little little nitpick. He says he is Ivan and 2X? I might be terrible for thinking this, but 2X is a bigger size of clothing, normally, and just the idea of him repeating that he is 2X is just hilarious to me. XD
Okay! That's all! I hope this helps! As always, if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Hello and thank you for reviewing! I'm definitely going to take your advice to heart. When I said 2X I meant that he's somewhere in his twenties but we don't know how old he is exactly just like how I wrote it with years (I think i did at least?) I will definitely work on the lore but to be honest I just sort of went into this first work of mine without lore a character and just the need to write lmao
Fair, lol. Sometimes pantsing a book for the first draft is too fun to resist.
This is actually a good story. It’s a cliche with the zombie apocalypse and trying to find other humans but it’s done in a good way. The plot twist with the other humans was predictable but there attacking him? Im really interested and would want to read the next chapter