"Just Us"

Well this song might portray a harsh truth but not necessarily correctly.
A lot of raps are full of swear words but here it's not used wittily.
I think you could have used a little more soft way to express the ideas.

I really didn't understand the necessity of the line:
"then you can come out from under ma bed and suck ma balls before i fall
on top of ya, and i'mma bang that Chain from the side'o ma bed, onto that head of yours"
And a few more meaningless violent lines.

You need to work a bit on the rap. They might sound catchy but doesn't go along.
And there are some grammatical errors like, "coz" instead of " 'cause " and the whole song doesn't have proper capitalization of letters and at the beginning of the lines.

But other than that this is a quite good song but needs re-constructing.

Keep writing!
~ Gigi

Lyrically, I think you are aiming for something that is brutally honest and shocking. For me, I think it is not working effectively, sorry if it sounds harsh, but you could have turned these into something more clever.

Not bad. I like the chorus but those "rap" parts are kinda weird. This could be very catchy song in the future, but you gotta work on those "rap" parts. They're like explosion to the whole concept of your song.

"these ghosts, ghouls, as you say, the bad souls, damn shadows
they ain't your past, folks! ain't your future hoes
they are, your present, so shut up and wake up, you've had the break,start screamin, for fuck's sake, stop dreamin'
like a bunch of a fags, asses covered in rags, eatin' outta' worm-bags, hookin' up up with ol' hags"

That was just like BOOM! I did not expect something like that. I don't say it's bad, but It somehow doesn't fit. Anyway, it's your song and I'm not here to interfere with your songwriting, I'm here to give suggestions. As far as I know, lyrics without music are like sandwich without bread. I also hate reviews on lyrics because of that. But the lyrics are 80% of most popular songs these days, so that's why some of them are very important to shape. By putting all that aside, the attitude of "singer/performer" is pretty strong, at least that's how it sounds to me.

"coz it aint 10 past 10 pm... when you are standin', screaming', sayin' it's 10 past ten pm
and it ain't no night when... when you say its night then"

You gotta take care to shoot your inspiration on the right place, this repetition is kinda unnecessary. Again, those are just my suggestions. Fly with your eyes through this song one more time and give it a shape. I hope I'll read or hear from you more.

~Bard

Could be better.
First things first, re-structure.
Make sure that the bar length is more or less the same for consistent flow.
I am not asking you to count every syllable, just the 'size' of the bar.
At a few places, it feels that you are rhyming just for the sake of it, get the core right first, once you have it nailed down then fill the damn thing up with multies.
Avoid unnecessary fillers, avoid them in the blocking out stage at all costs. Use them where your bar length isn't quite there.
Hope this helps.

Okay, the rhythm of the lyrics were a little difficult to pick up on. I tried to get a 'mental beat' goin', and I just couldn't swing it with this. It was off a little, you know? One sentence example to use to explain the rest of my review with: "these ghosts, ghouls, as you say, the bad souls." I was expecting "these ghosts, these ghouls," a little repetition, and you just threw the beat off with that missing "these". And throughout the entire song it seemed like you switched between educated writer and street rapper. Back to the sentence, you had "these ghosts, ghouls, as you say, the bad souls," that sounds very educated to say, "as you say, the bad souls." I'm sorry, dude, but it just crashed the beat. If you're going to keep the "as you say", try and take it down a notch, to something like "ya' know," or "y'say". Just something that fits better. Or even "all those bad souls" would fit really well.

All right, I thought I could do it all with that one segment, but I can't. With your chorus, when you switch back and forth between 'word' and 'world', it just throws off the message. Are we against the world, or are we against the word? What word are we denying? You know what I'm saying? It just doesn't seem to fit other than to try to make it rhyme. You gotta find your beat, man.

Hope this helps.