I invited my friends to my new apartment to have dinner and decided to watch a movie after we ate. The scenes in the movie were very thrilling and my best friend suddenly screamed. We heard a knock on the wall from my neighbor's room telling us that were too loud and it's already 1 in the morning. I tried to check on them by the next day to ask for an apology, but it seemed that no one's home.
A week passed and my friends decided to have a sleepover on my apartment for our next month's exam. Before we went to sleep, one of my friend accidentally knocked over the vase on the table. We then heard a bang on the wall again from someone next door.
After the exam, they decided to stay in my place again to celebrate. They brought drinks and CDs for our movie marathon. We started partying around 8 pm after dinner, every little noise we made, we always hear a knock on the wall. We also played card games and my other friends started singing just to annoy my neighbor. We stayed up late and ignored all the knocking and banging sounds from the wall next door. I wanted to have some fresh air so I went up to the window to open it. When I was about to open it, I was startled to see a lot of hand prints through my glass window.
We started to feel scared that someone next door might have been watching us through the window. By the next morning, I talked to our landlady about what happened and asked about the person living next to my apartment. I started having goosebumps when she told me that no one is living next door. After that, I called one of my friends to help me pack my things and move out of my apartment.
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Is this a real story? ‘Cause you sent this in the blog too. But it’s really spooky, it was very strange....... I felt goosebumps too when I finished reading this.... I think you shouldn’t have made more noise if the neighbours didn’t like.
Boo! Creeps here with a spooky review
So as usual i will not be reviewing this on your spelling and punctuation. Im not very good with those things myself so ill leave it to the professionals
So where do i began. Your story reminds me of a balloon with little helium there's something there but it's not enough. Now don't get me wrong your story is not bad you have a good concept. It seems a little simple and to the point almost like you were rushing it.
I've always believed that the key to a good horror story is being able to scare your readers and I didn't feel scared.
Your story lacks detail that's very important when writing a story you want the reader to be able to visualize what's happening. For example try describing what your characters look like such as eye color or hair color. Describe the setting makes us feel like we are there. What did the neighbor look like? How did he die. Stuff like this is extremely important and can really change your story.
I think if you sit down and put a little more time into it you will have a absolute masterpiece. I hope that my review was helpful and as always keep writing and improving.
Stay spooky~Creeps
Hello man! It's a nice story you have there, but there are some things i think could be improved.
As Lezuli said, there are times throughout the story where you'll sudendly switch between the past and present tense without any specific reason, and that causes some coherence issues, so please watch out for that.
I also think that some of your descriptions, such as: "I wanted to have some fresh air so I went up to the window to open it. When I was about to open it, I was startled to see a lot of hand prints through my glass window." sound a bit stiff and the repetition of the word "window" could be avoided, and i also think that you tell too much instead of showing us, thing that i think could be improved.
But since i can't account for typos, since i am not a native speaker so i think it would be better to consult one for that, that's all the criticism i have.
Overall, i think you have a pretty good story, but i believe you could write it better.
I hope this review helped!
Hello, I'm just going to write a quick review for you!
I'm going to say some nitpicky things and other such things, but I'm not trying to be mean so please don't feel bad if this comes across wrong!
Anyway, without further ado, my thoughts.
1: I liked the concept, the idea of someone hating noise next door though no one was home is nicely done. To make the story a bit more interesting, I would simply suggest adding a bit more descriptions. It'll make it flow a bit better.
2: You sometimes switch from past tense to present tense when writing. Like here- "but it seemed that no one's home." It should be more along the lines of 'but it seemed that no one was home'. There were a few others, but I'll let you look for them!
And that's all I got for you! I hope this helped in some way!
Hello, I'm just going to write a quick review for you!
I'm going to say some nitpicky things and other such things, but I'm not trying to be mean so please don't feel bad if this comes across wrong!
Anyway, without further ado, my thoughts.
1: I liked the concept, the idea of someone hating noise next door though no one was home is nicely done. To make the story a bit more interesting, I would simply suggest adding a bit more descriptions. It'll make it flow a bit better.
2: You sometimes switch from past tense to present tense when writing. Like here- "but it seemed that no one's home." It should be more along the lines of 'but it seemed that no one was home'. There were a few others, but I'll let you look for them!
And that's all I got for you! I hope this helped in some way!
Hello Sly,
Welcome to YWS....
I really enjoyed your story!....it was amazing....that the fact someone was knocking from the next room....although no one lives there .
Well I am fond of reading these type of creepy stories.
I also write these kind of stories.
Ummm.... Though I likes the story,I was unhappy about the fact that you had too much of grammatical errors.Like :
1. "The scenes in the movie were very thrilled "
.....This line should be ...."The scenes in the movie were very thrilling...."
2.Line 4."to check on them by the next day to ask for an apology, but it seems that no one's home.'
....It should be..."to check on them by the next day to ask for an apology, but it seemed ...."
3."one of my friend accidentally knock over the vase on the table"
....It will be....."one of my friend accidentally knocked over the vase ...."
There were many more ....but I wont mention them. Find it out your self and then try to correct them.
Well,its a nice start !
I loved your story and I will be eagerly waiting for the next one !
If you have any questions or need any kind of help ....then feel free to ask me!
From Sulagna.