How long has it been?
Since I've seen your face?
Since I've touched your skin?
Since I've felt your embrace?
Too long.
Yet, life goes on.
How long has it been?
Since your last distress?
Since your last grin?
Since your last breath?
Too long.
Still, life goes on.
But I struggle, restrained.
Watching existence pass me by.
Drowning in the pain.
This torture leaving me high and dry.
And somehow.
Life goes on.
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139,505 Literary Works • 672,592 Reviews
Hay baybay I'm here for review day! <3
I love the repeating style a lot. It's really adaptable as far as writing goes and can be used to show great emotion.
I've never been one to ask a lot of questions in poems. I like to fit in one or two to show a great pausing point per say in my poems. This is a faster paced poem and I see that a pausing point would have messed up the flow.
I like how it was constructed when you repeat your lines.
Since I've seen your face?
Since I've touched your skin?
Since I've felt your embrace?
All the same length and word usage.
Since your last distress?
Since your last grin?
Since your last breath?
Again here you did very well Snickers for your 1st poem.
The last stanzas' free-verse flowed very well. I know that more than likely there is no mechanical mistakes as you take time to review all that jazz unlike me.
Good job babe!
What up fellow Lantern warrior! Ima review now!
did I mention that I liked your poem? Well I did!
Alright your rhyming worked good here. I'm not a huge fan of rhyming but it worked here. On punctuation you used a comma in the line "Yet, life continues to go on." I think a period would have worked better there. Also I think the word "continues" is just blocking your flow and adding nothing to the poem
On content, I think you could have shown more emotion. I think this poem is about losing someone close to you. You should really be more expressive in the words you chose. You word choice could have been limited by your rhyming scheme.
So that's my nit pick, sorry if it sounded harsh. Just trying to help
No, no. It wasn't harsh. Besides I like criticism. And I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for your review!
Loved it! You're a brilliant writer! Keep it up!
Thank you!
hey!
your poetry is awesome. the philosophical content which you plot here was good. you wrote this peice with lot of emotions. this is your first poetry work i will comment good. your each para is telling something to the reader. i loved your ending as well, what a fine finish!
the title "life goes on.." is giving beautiful feeling when ever it comes in between the paras.
over all! you aced your first work! keep writing.
one more thing use some good font for your work.
Thank you!
I like your rhyming pattern, it was effective for the most part but I didn't feel as emotion in this poem as I think I could have considering the subject. I'm a huge fan of repetition so I like the break you kept using with
"Too long.
Still life continues to go on."
Even though this part I feel like might be just a little wordy. You might be able to drop either the "still" or change it to "Life goes on."
I agree with albanafsagia about you depending a little too much on the rhyming to also carry the content of the poem, but that goes along with my saying that I felt it could have gone much deeper as a whole. Watch your syllable count a little bit, just because it felt awkward when one line was a bunch longer and didn't flow quite as easily, but that's just a suggestion not so much a critique. It could use a little revising, maybe you should sit down and really let yourself just think about the poem and only the poem and see what comes to you with a little time. It's not a bad start though.
For a first poem this is wonderful
Thank you!
Hey, this is good. It is nice and simple but has a good meaning behind it.
You could have more figurative language and all that stuff, but it is still very good.
I don't have time to do a full review, but it is good and a great first effort.
Well done and keep writting, I look forward to reading more of your work!
Nargles xxx
This is beautiful (though depressing), it's so full of emotion, I l o v e it!
You seem to make it kind of rhyme in there which I love about poems, I love making them rhyme, it's more fun
How long has it been?
Since your last distress?
Since your last grin?
Since your last breath?
Too long.
Still, life continues to go on.
That would have to be my favourite part, I love how you used the word distress instead of something simple like pain or ache, it brings so much more into it.
Anywho I think that is all. No complaints from Charley, it was very well done!
Keep up the good work!! xx
Thank you!
Hey, this is good. It is nice and simple but has a good meaning behind it.
You could have more figurative language and all that stuff, but it is still very good.
I don't have time to do a full review, but it is good and a great first effort.
Well done and keep writting, I look forward to reading more of your work!
Nargles xxx
Thank you!