I gaze up at the moon,
Its hollow light,
Gleaming and whispering.
Laying a beautifully silver
silk sheet among the land.
Another feeling of life
Surges through me.
Enriches my veins,
Enriches my soul,
But only for a succinct moment.
Why can’t I feel like this anymore?
I gaze once again
At the moon above me
Its soft, silken rays
Dancing upon my face
My head sinks
The feeling of life
Enlightens me
An internal smile birthed
But obliterates quickly
Leaving me abandoned once again
Am I condemned to this cycle?
Am I deserving of this torment?
A scent carves into the air.
It is bitter yet sweet
High pitched, labored breathing
Fear trembling through her breaths
Why is she in terror?
My vision warps, blackens
Contortions of confusion,
Violently deform my mind,
Enrage my instincts,
Extinguish my morality.
What is happening to me?
My conscious fading away.
Like the screams of a falling person,
Plummeting to their death.
I am lost
Extermination infiltrates my conscience
A mindless need to feed
Swaying my judgment for life
I am sorry… my last thought
Before I took her life
Through the dead
Rotted, decayed jaws
Of my life abandoned face.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The Messenger Knight here to review for you!
So, finally got to this. I see you got some good reviews though, so happy about that. Now, onto my own.
so I re-read part one and went right into this part. I think it really helped to remember what was going on. Also I really liked this. you did something fantastic; you wrote the same scene twice in this poem, and yet used totally different, but still very vibrantly descriptive words. The way you describe the moon and sky is amazing! I really liked the whole poem although the ending was sad and tragic. This was a very excellent piece.
BTW, I went back and saw the changes you made in part one .They really do make it look very nice, and good job adding the punctuation in this part. It looks nice.
Thank you for the review
Very welcome.
Hi Sleeplessend, again Dream with review on your poem.
I like the idea that you convey in the poem. It seems that it is different from the first part which is full of a sense of 'life' compared with the second part where you would live to regret and end in vain?
The imagery also good like you did before. There are lot of personification which are really fits the theme of the poem to portray life.
I really like way you write the poem but the suddenly changes of mood makes it a little disappoint me. Because I like with the beginning of this poem before it suddenly changed to 'deaths' that creepy. I certainly expect to read a poem that live 'Immortal' in this part, but did not think it ended with sad. But I have to accept it as well.
Overall, nice poem to read. I totally like the diction you use. Keep it up
Kudos,cheers.
It's quite alright. This was actually a poem written about a zombie in spirit of Halloween hehe
. Hence in the part 1 the ending line is "even though it isn't mine" i was trying to open a window saying that it really isn't his life anymore. In part 2 i tried to say he was a zombie with the last lines. Perhaps now that you know the poem was about a zombie you may enjoy the actual message a bit better? But thank you for the review 
Really amazing poem! I like the bits of monologue and your word choice is excellent. You capture the narrator's feelings in a realistic way. The audience feels the emotion flowing throughout the poem. I can relate to this poem and I'm sure other people can as well. It is a powerful piece! Continue writing poetry because you're very good at it.