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Young Writers Society


Violence Mature Content

Spemnon Asylum

by Sleeplessend


Welcome to Spemnon Asylum. Here at this facility we fully anticipate full emotional and psychological recovery for you as our patient. Over the years our sta… crucifere kept her head down during the entire orientation video, even when she dressed into her newly starched and pressed white clothing that was administered to all new patients. Under her fine draped red hair, she was shadowing her sinister grin behind her blood red veil. To crucifere everything had to be embedded with humor no matter how deranged or fucked up the situation was. She was psychologically capable of this and to her, her conscious was clear whenever she did what needed to be done. To any normal person they would have either been drowned with insanity or swallowed by the earth masqueraded with parasites. To the doctors and nurses she appeared as a white wall with blood streaks. She cared nothing for the video or the help it promised to give, she cared for absolutely nothing at this point of her life that is why she let out tiny series of chuckles every time a doctor or nurse said the word “Care”. Halfway through the introductions of the medical staff one of the doctors finally got fed up with her insolent chuckling. He was tall, broad shouldered and decently muscular for a man his age his name tag read “Dr. Madigan, head psychologist and physician” he stepped up to her with his chest slightly puffed out trying to display dominance and asked her “why do you keep laughing young lady? We are here for you.” She laughed a bit louder and she raised her head up slowly, her hair began to part like a surgeon making a slow, precise incision into flesh, exposing the pernicious smile she had hidden. The doctor along with all the medical staff gasped with horror and fear was carved into all of their eyes. “Oh no, you have all have no idea of the meaning yet” she menacingly chortled The medical staff gestured their eyes toward security to come and take her away. “Don’t bring them in here, I can walk myself” she said, crucifere then skipped toward Dr. Madigan. He tensed his head up and tried to appear un-intimidated by the pint sized bundle of terror. “Where is my room?” she asked politely. “Room 11 is where you will be accommodated during your recovery” he said clogged “For your sake I hope there is no one else in there, a young girl needs her privacy you know” she giggled. “Is that a threat young lady” the doctor asked Crucifere slightly bent her knees with her feet pointing inwards like a child trying to explain their way out of doing chores. “No its not, it is just that without my solidarity my condition tends to act up, and isn’t the reason I’m here is to prevent that?” she said “I suppose so, we have read your file and we accommodate all patients accordingly” “Thank you!” she flashed him her malicious grin once again, and worry splashed upon his face. “Hmm, I think you are hiding something, oh I know! I can make a game out of finding out what it is!” she smiled and chuckled once more. The doctor knew he had made his first mistake with his new patient. Before he could so much as think about what he had just done, crucifere had already gingerly bounced out of the room to her new home. As the doctor took a few crippled steps to the door of the orientation room the rest of the nursing, psyche and security staffs were already pulling out the body of the old man in room 11, he drunkenly made his way to the murder scene and saw crucifere sitting on her bed with her fingers curled around her mouth uncontrollably snickering while swinging her legs happily like a child eating ice cream on a dock. “You know I think I am gonna like it here” she laughed. The medical staff was trying relentlessly to resuscitate the lifeless human on the floor, his head was completely turned 180 degrees from his body, most of the nurses were so confused as to how this was possible staring back and forth from crucifere to the old man and the youngest nurse, brand new to the staff ran out of the room screaming “I’m done!” but most of all they were horrified still as statues not knowing how or what to do. Amidst all the chaos going on, the only words the petrified doctor managed to choke out was “Oh dear god” Crucifere snapped her head up so fast it looked like a car drove past her at 100 miles per hour. Her pearly white face and sinister green eyes seemed to have sliced right through the doctor. “God, huh? Perhaps you should be the one in here because the things that I have seen and done in my past and the things I will commit in my future” cruciferes eyes started to craze and appear like they were sinking into her sockets and she psychotically smiled slowly, as she did her face began to crack from the corners of her lips to her dimpled cheeks traveling like fissures in glass “you will surely lose all faith in your precious god”.


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57 Reviews


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Tue Oct 15, 2013 1:46 pm
Kevikur wrote a review...



Hey! It's awesome to see that you're active on this site again. Let me tell you, I really enjoyed reading this. I'm a huge fan psychological stories or movies. I like the way it can sometimes break your physic and leave you feeling a bit dizzy. Your character, Crucifere, left me reeling with her last line. That was a fantastic way to end the chapter!

I believe you already know the problem with the formatting in this. It's happened to people before on here and I'm not too sure how to fix it, other than before publishing (during the preview) try and make the correct indents when someone is talking and where a new paragraph begins. Or write the story somewhere else and copy and paste it. Once the story is correctly indented, it will be a lot easier to read and enjoy. (:

You have wonderful similes and imagery in here. One of my favorite lines was "She laughed a bit louder and she raised her head up slowly, her hair began to part like a surgeon making a slow, precise incision into flesh, exposing the pernisious smile she had hidden." That sentence was extremely well done.

Your dialogue grammar is correct in some parts and incorrect in others. Take this sentence for example: "I suppose so, we read your file and accommodate all patients accordingly". There needs to be a period before the quotation marks. Also, when someone is talking and you conclude the sentence with she said or he said, there needs to be a comma. For example, the last sentence in your story. It's effective in giving me goosebumps but not correctly punctuated. I can't copy and paste because the whole story is one block of text, but it should be "...I will commit in my future...," she said (ect...), "You will surely loose all faith..."

Other than a few typos here and there, which are easily fixable, your story is on a great start! You have a ton of talet. Be sure to let me know when the next chapter is posted!

-Kev




Sleeplessend says...


Thank you very much for the review. I will definately remember all the pointers for punctuation I do know that is something I need to work on and as for the formatting you're right I don't know why it does that. You should read "friend" in my portfolio if you get the chance. You might like it.



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382 Reviews


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Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:43 am
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Dreamy wrote a review...



Hey there, Dreamy here to review (Isn't really a review :P )
"Spemnon Asylum" was like a rescue to me. Thank god psychotic novel writers are really isn't dead :P Well to go on with your review, I totally liked it. You did a good job in narrating. "Crucifer" I don't know was that a name or just a term that you used to call your main character? Because you have capitalized the first letter of the word in some places and didn't do it in some places. And I didn't find any specific mistakes. I'm looking forward for the other chapters. Keep up your good work.

Keep writing!!!
Cheers!!! :)




Sleeplessend says...


Thank you for the kind words to my piece :) yes Crucifere is one of the main characters to the story along side cross and yes I love the shock value and complexity of psychological beings :) read "friend " in my portfolio you make enjoy that one.




When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him.
— Euripides