I woke up.
Who am I? It was likely that I woke up in the same body as the one wherein I opened my eyes each morning of the last quarter of a century. It’s the substance that carries me, as I decorate it on the basis of internal delusion and external expectation. I walk around in it but it is not me.
Who am I? I listened to the murmering train of thoughts coming unrestrained and without request. It happened somewhere in the oval top of my body. As I listened to it I wondered who the listener was.
Who am I? I am part of what was created by a dying sun, warm enough to make us exist only during her death. I am part of a planet that is situated in a universe that came to life more than thirteen and a half billion years ago containing over one hundred billion galaxies, each enclosing hundreds of billions of stars. I am as a human being far from the center of attention. I do only have a perception of a fraction of my existing universe because of the limitations of my five senses. I am part of something that pulverizes my ability to comprehend with complexity. I am the minuscule presence that was offered a fraction of time to live in this story.
I went back to sleep.
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey Slash,
you know I can relate to each and every thing you wrote. I love star gazing and end up most of the nights at rooftop , watching the stars, thinking of the universe and asking me this same question. You have no idea how happy it made me to see your writing.
I will deliberately avoid being critical about the language, the choice of words or anything else. you know there are few things are are expressed in waves but the understanding goes deep down, at the bottom of the sea. Well this is how i can describe what you wrote.
Keep on writing . Short, crisp, deep and equally loved.
nice to know you (through this, of course)
XoXo..
Bipasha
Thanks! And very glad you could relate to it. If you would have any suggestions concerning the formulation (choice of words etc.), you could do me a big favor sharing them with me. English is not my first language so any help is welcome
. Anyway, nice to meet you too.
I like these kinds of philosophical writing things. I do quite a bit myself, so I believe I have a good bit of knowledge on how to review one.
The repetition nails it, i generally have a repeating question or a repeating phrase (much like the "Who am I?" placed at the beginning of each paragraph) to get the reader thinking as well, and then either follow it up with an answer or another question elaborating on the first. This does that pretty well, in my opinion.
However, there is a bit of an issue that I believe you had here. Though I'm not quite sure if this is something you legitimately thought, waking up and thinking then returning to bed, the fact that the ending pretty much disregards all the thinking that had been done is a bit disappointed. It's almost like when someone does so much work to, say, lift a heavy object above their head, but then puts it back down. It doesn't accomplish anything nor does it really acknowledge someone had done that.
Overall, though, it's a pretty great work. Keep it up!
Thank you for your interesting insights.
This is a very cool take on waking up. The fact that when most people wake up they are still half asleep, this really puts a lot of those feelings in one piece of writing. I really enjoyed the descriptive words that were used and was very impressed. It was done so well it was as if I was the person in the story. This kind of writing is some that I am very fond of. Well done
Thank you for the kind words.
No problem would it be possible for you to read my essay on the kite runner and edit it and leave what I could work on?
Of course