I was the cause,the hopeless one
I know it's my fault
Why couldn't I hide it inside that locked vault
Kept her safe from my parents knowing
Kept it from all happening
A month and two days later
I'm here typing these letters
Only hoping she could know the words
I've been dying to say
"I love you"
Could I have said it earlier?
Now when I see her
Those words will disappear
All to the words
"I've missed you"
Then only later
Will I say
"I love you so much"
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,042 Literary Works • 676,436 Reviews
Lol I know who this is about and that adds a whole another level of depth for me. The first stanza is sooo good, it flows so well. I found for writing poems the lines should have right about the same level of syllables as the line before it. You've made that and it's so emotional.
The last stanza is so relatable. Knowing you never said something to someone and all the things you want to say.
Love it keep doing good work :>
This was written for you.I really wish I had managed to say that to you before chess.com got blocked for me
It sounds like a lament on regret. I really liked it ☀ It's very raw and honest so I hope that you're doing okay, young poet.
I'll review it stanza by stanze—
Stanza 1
The introduction immediately pulls a reader into the expressive self-blame of the poet. It sets the mood instantly. As it goes forward one can see the grief in the voice, ache in the words. It mixes regret and self-blame together into lines of poetry one can connect to. You can put the commas and full stops wherever necessary so it informs the reader where to pause. But it affords that on its own, honestly. Still just a suggestion.
My favorite line here is—
Stanza 2
It shares that aching piece of inner feelings that sits down to write for their lover. I feel that. It wishes for the words to reach her, it wishes it did before it's too late. It expresses the slipping away of time through one's finger before they could have properly couraged themself to speak their heart. It's heartbreaking to think about because it's real.
My favorite line here—
That's very relatable to many people.
Stanza 3
It's the most vulnerable stanza in my opinion. It lies so close to the writer's feelings. A genuine writing of the ache due to the inability to confess to the other person about things the poet is holding.
My favorite line here—
It's really beautiful.
It's like a rush of inner feelings that are kept hidden and we get to witness them through their own writings. I love personal poems.
I hope you're fine. If it's still okay, confess to her because it is better late than never. You won't get to see her forever. It's just a matter of time, you'll ran out of time. So you should tell her, maybe show her your poems too. We don't get to live forever so it is okay to confess the eternal love for the other person before everything slips off like sand to where we can never reach back.
I mean, if it's about confession, you should confess to her without over thinking before it's too late.
Nice work, have a great day and I'm sending some courage to tell her¡ I hope you do. Thank you for sharing your work. Boi-boi ☁
I'm trying to find a way to tell her.She has seen some of my poems and was the first person to read my story
Yeaa? That's great. Tell her when you're ready! Let me know too, if you don't mind.
okay
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
it was my favorite line.Am moon!!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
firstly i liked this poem so much. I think this poem is about someone who regrets what happened between him and the girl he loves. He blames himself for what happened and wishes he had found a way to keep everything a secret. Even after a month and two days, he still has so much left to say to her. I especially noticed how he imagines seeing her again, wanting to say “I love you” but knowing that he might only be able to say “I've missed you” at first. To me, this shows how sometimes our feelings are so strong that, when we finally get the chance to express them, the words we planned to say disappear.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I have no suggestions.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I liked the whole poem.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall all it has bittersweet vibe. Actually my eyes get glossy while reading this, i understand how it feel to be separated from the person you love so much. Keep writing! Thank you for sharing dear.
Yeah,we both know.Also why no suggestions? I'm confused on the way you reviewed it.You're gonna have to teach me that style sometime
Which style are you talking about?which style are you talking about?
The one you used for this one
Namaste i am shaktisinha
and this is my review on your poem
I feel like this poem carries a sense of self-blame, as if the your is holding yourself responsible for everything that happened. However, what I find interesting is how honestly you have expressed your regret and the emotions you couldn't express at the right time.
I particularly like the second stanza, where you mention the duration specifically “A month and two days later.” That small detail makes the passage of time feel more personal and gives us a glimpse of how deeply the absence has affected you.
I also appreciate how you acknowledge your delayed expression of emotions. It feels genuine because, as human beings, we sometimes hesitate to express our feelings, either because we fear losing the people we love or because we unknowingly take their presence for granted.
The part where you hope that she might one day come to know the words you've been longing to say also stood out to me. I think there's something very human about holding on to that hope while understanding that we cannot control how another person feels or what they choose.
We can express our love, but we must also leave room for the other person's freedom and choices. And perhaps, that's one of the things love teaches us — to be honest about what we feel without trying to dictate what happens next.
One thing I'd gently point out is the strong sense of self-blame in this opening lines. While regret is understandable, and I hope you don't end up holding yourself responsible for everything. Sometimes, we understand the value of certain moments only after they've passed, and we cannot always go back and do things differently.
anyways........ I found the poem emotional and quite interesting , especially in the way it captured the weight of words left unsaid. I hope you give yourself the same understanding that you seem to have for the person you love. Whatever happens from here, I hope you find the courage to express what you feel, the strength to accept what you cannot change, and the peace to know that .......one moment......one mistake...... or one unspoken confession does not define your entire story. There's still so much life ahead of you, and I genuinely hope it brings you better moments and reasons to smile.
And that's my review, along with a little suggestion from my side. Keep writing, keep feeling, and remember life has more plot twists than any poem, so don't let one sad stanza convince you the whole book is tragic! There's still plenty of pages left, and who knows, the next chapter might even make you laugh at how dramatic this one felt. So chin up, poet! We need more poems, not a permanent sad-boy era.
all the best keep going ......
The regret in it is my fault seeing how I got too careless and my parents then took contact from us
I HAVE NEVER HAD A SAD-BOY ERA
Good to see that you’re not in your sad boy era . And honestly, in my opinion, you weren’t being careless; you were just being human, that’s it. I’m sure you’ll be alright soon. And by the way, one good thing that came out of all this is that you came up with poems that actually have depth and a story behind them. I genuinely appreciate it when young people turn their experiences and emotions into something creative instead of simply brushing them aside. It takes a certain kind of honesty to put your thoughts into words and let others see a part of you through your writing. So keep writing man, and hopefully, your next poems will come from a happier place . All the best....... poet!
I only write poems for my muse