Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
"Ready or not, here I come!" A young girl, about eight years of age, called out into the twilight bathed woods. She had the appearance of a normal nine year old girl except for two odd features. Her natural, wavy, wine red hair, and a set of fiery orange irises. These traits were also shared by her twelve year old sister. It had the tendency to be unsettling to some people, so her mother tended to keep them out of the vast public eye as best as she could, also doing her best not to over shelter them of course.
She and her sister would often come out into these woods to play whenever they got home from school in the spring, summer, and fall. Though they could easily be privileged by their mother's success in life, she tried to teach them the basics of appreciation and a simple lifestyle by living a humble life. The few people that knew her were often astounded by her success as a single mother of two, often asking her how she managed to pull off such a comfortable lifestyle in times of a recession, to which she simply told a white lie and moved on with her day. Telling anyone the truth would have been dangerous, not only for her, but for her associates and their families as well. In the past she had walked a crooked path, something absolutely despicable, even for most depraved of degenerates. It wasn't something she liked to remember, but it all seemed behind her now, which was nice. She was set up for life, a comfortable, and stable life.
The woman sat silently in her bedroom, gazing out through the window, her dark brown eyes watching her children play on the edge of the woods as she fiddled with the curls on the ends of her dark red hair. A small smile crossed her face as she reflected on where her life was currently. A decent house, two beautiful daughters, and not a care in sight. It was a nice life. Something she wouldn't trade for the world. She looked up at the sky, it was starting to get dark. Just about time to bring the kids in for the evening so she could start dinner. It was never fun having to spoil their evening by telling them it was time to come inside, but it had to be done. She slipped a pair of faded tennis shoes on and made her way down the staircase leading to the main floor of the house, stopping every once in a while a catch her breath. She had sustained a nasty cut in her left side during her last week of employment, and the healing process was beginning to get the better of her. Every time she went up or down a flight of stairs she felt like the wound was ripping back open. Her previous work in general had taken a nasty toll on her physical condition. She had suffered everything from ripped flesh to broken bones, but it didn't stop her. Often times she would wake up being sore across her whole body, but seeing her two daughters enjoying life was well more than enough to make the aches and pains worth it.
She stepped out through the open door and on to the front porch. Gazing off into the beautiful sunset. There she saw her younger child searching about for her sister. They often found favor in simple games like hide & seek or tag on the rare occasion that they had other children to play with.
"Vivien! Maria! Time to come inside!" She called into the open air in her distinguished french accent.
Just then the older of the siblings dropped from a tree that she had been hiding in. Recently she had been teaching the girl how to climb and the very basic aspects of free running, nothing dangerous though. It had been part of her skill set from her previous occupation, and just sort of stuck with her. She figured she might as well put it to some sort of use by passing it down to her oldest daughter. After all, with the shape her body was in, she wouldn't be using it anymore. The two children flocked to her. Maria, the younger of the two looked up at her with a certain look of sadness.
"Do we really have to go in now? Why can't we stay just a little longer" The other girl asked.
"Viven..." Their mother replied.
"Oui, momma..." She said reluctantly
"Now go get cleaned up. I'll be fixing supper here soon." Her mother said.
Vivien sighed and made her way back into the house with Maria. Just as their movements faded from earshot, their mother's cellphone started to ring. She removed her phone from her pocket and glanced down at the caller ID. "Withheld" it read. She thought it over for a few seconds before reluctantly answering the call.
"Nevena Lévêque, state your business." She answered.
Only silence remained on the other side of the line. An eerie feeling crept over her as she slowly put her phone down and ended the call. Something just didn't feel right about this day, since the time she woke up she had almost felt as though she was being watched, but not directly. However, it wasn't her she worried about, it was more so her children the feared for. Heaven forbid that anything would happen to them, she would fight until her last breath to ensure it too. Though she prayed it would never have to come to that.
At that thought, Nevena slipped her cell phone back into her pocket and made her way into the kitchen. She dug through the old wooden pantry, looking around for anything she could make a functional meal out of. It had been a fair while since she had been to the store and their food supply was starting to look a little less diverse then usual. After about five minutes she gave a sigh of frustration and pulled out a couple of seeming random ingredients.
"Potato soup it is then." She whispered quietly to herself.
Cooking had always given her a sense of nostalgia. She remembered the days when she was just a young girl, standing at her mother's feet, watching and learning. Though it wasn't just her mother, it was a skill possessed by her whole family, passed down throughout the generations. However her mother was the one who had taught her everything she knows about the craft. Those were fine days, far better than the days she had spent with her work. Her life for the last three years had been nothing but violence and prejudice, heartache and regret. If only she could know how much blood she had spilled. It made her sick to even remember it. The dismemberment and carnage, the cries of pain, all by her hand. And for what? A healthy paycheck? It wasn't until the last year or so that she was able to put it behind her. Part of it was from her new found faith in the Christian religion. It gave her comfort and a purpose to believe in. A feeling of hope, a chance at redemption and a cure for the curse of her passed.
Nevena cleared her head of the nostalgic thoughts, so as not to be distracted, and pressed onward with the meal she was currently preparing. She always had the strangest of ways to add little touches of a special something that would complete the dish. Anyone that had ever had the privilege to have her cooking was certainly in for a treat. While it wasn't gourmet expertise, it was hearty home cooking, and that in itself is well worth it.
Upstairs her children waited patiently. There often wasn't much to do on the main floor, they usually just stayed cooped up in their room whenever they weren't outside, which wasn't very often. Maria doodled of loose paper, she was starting to develop a passion for art. It wasn't until just recently that she discovered she liked it so much. The majority of her time was spent drawing random things that she would dream up, or cartoon characters she had a fondness for. Vivien on the other hand was less artistic. She didn't care much for any of the fine arts, she was athletic by nature and always had to be moving. So naturally, sitting still drove her mad. Fortunately, Maria broke the stillness by finally making conversation.
"Vinn, why did momma have us come in so early tonight?" The young girl asked.
"I don't really know... She's been acting weird lately. Like, almost nervous. Especially around us. She won't even let us go out in public anymore." Vivien replied
"Why does she do that anyway? Did we do something bad?" Maria asked
"Well Marr, we're a little different from other kids. We look a little funny. She just doesn't want us to scare other people."
"But it's just our eyes... I like my eyes... Why do we have to hide them?" Her sister asked with a certain innocence.
"We're the only people with orange eyes. That's weird. And it might kinda freak some people out. You don't have to be ashamed of it. It's just a social thing. That's all."
Nevena overheard that part of the conversation from downstairs. She shook her head in mild disappointment, mainly at herself.
"If only I could tell you the truth..." She whispered to herself. "You kids deserve to know, but it's not the right time..."
She quickly cleared her thoughts once more. At last the meal was ready. It wasn't her best work, but it would get the job done and get it done well. A batch of potato soup and some left over sourdough bread from last nights meal. She looked out through the kitchen window to see that the sun had already set. In disbelief that she had lost track of time the way she did, she was sure to waste no more and call the kids down.
"Douces enfants de mes amis! Le dîner est prêt!" She called upstairs
"Oui, Maman!" Viven replied.
Maria was the first to rush down the stairs. Excitement in her eyes like always. There wasn't a thing in the world that could made that girl sad for anymore than five minutes. Vivien often wondered how she could be so happy all the time, it was just plain unfathomable. Nevena understood though. Maria never had any reason to be sad or disappointed. She had her momma and her big sister, and that's all that mattered to her. She didn't care what she looked like or what she had. As long as her family was there, she was happy. It was a concept that Vivien had failed to grasp yet. Everything had to be concrete and physical. Emotion was something that didn't come very easily to her. Why these two differed so much though, was beyond their mother. The family took their places at the already prepped dinner table.
"Everything looks great, momma!" Maria said.
"It really does. How you pull this off every night is beyond me." Vivien replied.
"Just practice I guess. Just like your climbing, Vivien" Nevena replied.
Maria had already started to chow down on her dinner. She was usually the first one to finish, though one would never expect it. Vivien poked around, taking her time. Her mother gave her a look of confusion and worry.
"Viv, what's wrong?" She asked
"You aren't right, mom. That's what's wrong. What's going on?" She asked.
Nevena hung her head. It was the confrontation she had been dreading for so long. The stress and emotional strain over the truth of the matter was starting to cut too deep and the blood was beginning to surface. She couldn't keep withholding the truth from her own flesh and blood, but how would they react to it? It was a dangerous thing to risk. They weren't old enough to understand what they really are. What they would become in the coming years. It was time to begin shedding some light on the situation. She cleared her throat and sighed. This was going to be hard.
"Well Vivien... There's been a lot on my mind lately. And a lot of that involves you two. You see, there are a special kind of people in this world called-" she was interrupted by a the ringing of the doorbell. Confused, she stood up and made her way over to the door, checking through the peephole first. In an instant, all color in her face faded. She sprinted back over to the dinner table and kneeled down next to the children.
"Vivien, Maria. I need you to listen. You need to go into the basement, and take shelter in the crawl space, right now. There's no time to explain. Go!" She exclaimed.
The two nodded and started to dart off. Maria was already halfway down the steps. Vivien was rather far behind though.
"Oh, Vivien. Take care of your sister. I'll try to be back as soon as I can."
"Mom, what the hell is going on!" Vivien snapped.
"Right now, you need to hide. I'll explain everything later. I promise." She said.
"Yes... M-momma..." She trembled.
Vivien made her way downstairs with her sister. Nevena opened a false panel in the kitchen she had installed for this very moment. In it there was a Kevlar vest, her old handgun, and her old combat knife. She equipped her loadout, putting the vest on under her hooded sweatshirt. The handgun on a holster behind the jacket, and her knife behind her back. She looked up took a deep breath. Just then the knocking at the door returned
"You've got this Nevena. You've taken these guys before. Alright. Let's go you assholes." She said
She made her way over to the door, cracking it open slightly, there stood a soldier in a familiar loadout. Archangel's Throne unit, a unit she used to call home, men she used to call brothers. The orange tinted, bullet resistant glass on his mask glaring at her. These soldiers were tanks. Near impossible to kill to anyone who had never encountered them. There were no easily identifiable weak spots. Their head gear was designed to redistribute force, advanced Kevlar weave was on them head to toe, not even a headshot could stop them, but she knew a few tricks, especially after wearing that gear for fifteen years.
"They aren't here. I suggest you leave."
The soldier brought up his rifle, Nevena quickly subdued him and pulled him behind the door, slamming him into the wall. She drew her knife and put it in a soft spot in the armor, between the filter on the mask and the glass that covered the eyes.
"How many are with you! Fucking answer me!" She yelled.
"Eleven!" He panicked.
Nevena nodded and put her handgun to his head.
"Shit!" She snapped. A look of worry crossed her face. Though she was trained for these situations, she was beginning to doubt herself. The odds were stacked against her. There was no denying that. These soldiers were the world's finest. This one just happened to make a stupid mistake. Without any further hesitation she pulled the trigger. The bullet went clean through the tinted glass of the hazmat mask. Though they were bullet resistant, a point blank shot would still break through. A spray of blood left the back of his head, painting the wall behind him. Nevena marveled at the soft glow of the blood in the low light of the room. A sinister smile slowly crept across her face. The sight of blood brought memories of her past back to life. The enjoyment she used to take from the slaughter of those damned by her overseer. Her old self was coming forth, and was not something to be taken lightly. She picked up the operative's rifle, checked the ammunition and stepped through the door, onto the front porch, dragging the lifeless body behind her. There wasn't a single soldier in sight. Only the moonlit tree line was visible.
"Show yourselves you fucking cowards!" She yelled.
Just then a gunshot rang out from the tree line. The bullet hit her center mass. She stood and staggered for a moment before toppling over face first. The group of soldiers slowly emerged from the darkness of the woods, walking in perfect formation. Two teams of four, one of three.
"Angel actual, this Throne Two Alpha. Target marked 'November' is neutralized. Throne Two Alpha four is KIA. Requesting permission to execute HVT extraction. How copy? Over." A fireteam leader said quietly.
"Throne Two this is Angel actual. Solid copy on all. You are clear to begin approach to the target building for HVT extraction. How copy? Over." A voice replied through his coms.
"Solid copy on all, Angel Actual. We're moving in to secure the objective as planned. Over."
The soldiers moved up in formation towards the house. The air was silent and still as they made their approach. Archangel's Throne operatives could be ranked among the world's best tier one military forces, had anyone known they existed. They were absolute ghosts. Protocol was to be in an out in no more than fifteen minutes when commencing Seraph extraction. The majority of these soldiers were ex military person looking to continue their careers for a larger paycheck. They came from all units from across the world. Everything from the American Navy S.E.A.L. Teams to units such as Russia's Spetsnaz Alfa, and Germany's KSK
One team moved up to the front door, another to the back, and the last made their way up the roof, finding a window to breach through. Every squad in Throne housed a former member of GIGN, men that were experts at breach and clear procedures. The operators stacked up on the doors while the second soldiers per squad moved up to the front of the door and planted breaching charges
"Light it up." Alpha's fireteam leader said.
The charges on the doors exploded, tearing them to shreds. The teams moved in to the house, checking every corner. There was nothing that could be left to chance. Throne soldiers were invaluable. A single death was an expensive loss. However there was one practice that Throne operators didn't apply.
Nevena slowly rose from her position on the front porch. The Kevlar had kept the bullet that hit her from going clean through her chest. Though the force had ripped the gash in her side open again. She couldn't let the pain stop her though. Now was the time to act. To protect her children. She had to act fast though. Taking all eleven at the same time would be a death wish. They would have to be dealt with one team at a time.
She charged into the living room, handgun drawn in one hand, knife in the other. A fire of hatred burned in her eyes and she approached alpha teams squad leader.
"Open wide, baiseur!" She screamed as she drove her knife deep into the front of his neck. The other two quickly turned around to see their squad leader hit the floor. With unrivaled accuracy she emptied the magazine of her handgun into armored face mask of the next operative. The armor shattered, exposing his face, to which she placed the final shot in the chamber. The third was in shock. He froze like a deer in the headlights. She didn't blame him. Seeing one of the best soldiers in the world get killed like that is horrific. The soldier put his rifle down and got down on his knees.
"Nevena... Please don't do this... We're only doing what we were told..."
She recognized that voice, an old friend of hers. He was in her fireteam while she was in Throne. Seeing him in this state, as an enemy, was heart wrenching. Without another word she slipped a fresh magazine into her sidearm and put it to his head.
"Don't do it..." He whispered.
Just as she pulled the trigger he swept the gun to the side and drew his knife. The blade was driven up into her under arm. A scream of absolute agony leapt from her lungs. An expression of hatred developed in her face as she kicked him away. She removed the knife and threw it to the ground. Her right arm was useless now. The operative drew his sidearm and delivered two rounds to her right kneecap. She collapsed instantaneously, tears welling up in her eyes. A small puddle of blood started to form underneath her as she tried desperately to pick herself back up, only to be met with another bullet to the leg.
"Throne Two Alpha, what's your sitrep? We heard shots fired." She overheard through his comms.
"The situation is under control. November had survived the initial shot. She came back and wiped the rest of my fireteam. She's currently incapacitated. You are to resume search as planned. Over." He replied.
Nevena simply laid there, face down in her own blood and tears. An unimaginable pain brewed in her, not only physically, but emotionally. It was over. She had failed. Her entire life with her children flashed before her eyes. All of the time she had put into making sure they would be safe. And for what? It had all seemed meaningless.
"Adam..." She whispered as she struggled to her knees. "Don't take them... You can still do the right thing..."
He place the sidearm to her forehead and took a deep breath. A tear ran down the side of her face as she winced in the agonizing pain that was covering her body. This was it.
"Please..." She begged once more. "Don't take my children away..."
He gave a slight nod and moved the handgun to her chest, just above the top line of the Kevlar vest. He pulled the trigger of the 9mm sidearm. She let forth one last breath of life before collapsing onto the floor. Her eyes still slowly moved around the room. Looking around for something to fight with as if she still had a chance. She was trying so hard to hang on to life. The operative kneeled down next to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry Nevena..." He said as he put one last round through her back. The color in her lifeless face started to fade. This was the end of the line.
"All Throne Two personnel, this is Enric. Standby for sitrep with Angel Actual. Over." He said through his comms. "Angel Actual, this is Throne Two. We have sustained heavy casualties. Throne Two Alpha One, Two, and Four are KIA. Interrogative. How are we to proceed? Over."
"Throne Two, this is Angel Actual. You are to stay on task. If any further casualties are sustained scrub the mission and RTB for debrief. Over." Command replied.
Adam simply acknowledged and continued. He slowly made his way through the rest of the house. Checking every corner and crevice he could. Rummaging through personal belongings in hopes of finding anything that could point him in the right direction. He happened across a dusty photograph sitting on the dining room counter, piquing his interest he picked it up and dusted it off. The scene showed Nevena and her two children in a dock type area. The waterfront behind them, and care free smiles on their faces. It was the expression of true happiness. Something that just couldn't be faked. Looking upon such a truly happy family made him question his existence. The fact that he had just taken that away was gnawing at him. He quickly cleared his head and set the photo back down, making his way through the dark, quiet house.
The time had come now to check the basement. It was often one of the last areas checked by the front breaching teams, as there was rarely anything there. He slowly made his way down the shifty wooden steps. A loud creaking noise rang out with every step. Everything was perfectly normal. He didn't expect to find anything down there, but suddenly, a noise came into ear shot. It almost sounded like a whimpering sort of sound. The sound a child makes when they're afraid. He followed the noise right to the crawl space. There, Vivien and Maria were frozen solid like deer in headlights. They simply gave him a wide eyed stare. No words, no noise. Josh raised his finger to his face mask, making a "shush" gesture and walked back up the steps.
"Angel Actual, this is Throne Two Alpha. We were unable to locate the HVT. The mission is Scrubbed. Requesting evac."
"Roger that Throne Two. The Overseer isn't going to be happy about this."
Adam switched his comms to the rest of the squad and notified them of the call, ordering them back to the front of the house to regroup. They all made their way to the front porch, taking a seat along the front step. One soldier removed his helmet and mask, the other followed suit. He looked over at Adam and nudged him in the shoulder.
"Why the long face Enric?" He asked.
"We lost three of our guys today... That's not alright. We haven't lost a single man in four years, now three die within fifteen minutes. And since I'm the last one in alpha standing, I'm liable..." He said quietly.
"Hey, you put that bitch down hard. That was some pretty sweet." The other soldier replied.
"There's nothing 'sweet' about killing a mother of two innocent children."
"She killed three of us."
"She was also trying to defend herself and her kids. You got a fucked up mind, Smith."
"I would have to agree with Adam on this one. It feels pretty messed up that we had to kill her."
The fireteam was pretty split on this. Though, they usually were. When it came to someone dying for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, there was no grey area, it was either seen as alright, or morally questionable. This was a prime example of one of these moments.
"I still remember working with her... Blood thirsty mother fucker, man. You couldn't pull her off until there was a limb missing for something hanging out that shouldn't have been, but she was a good soldier. One of the finest Throne operatives Archangel had ever employed. But one day, she just decided to put that life behind her. She went AWOL during a raid on small school here in Maryland. I guess she left to stabilize her family. It's a damn shame that it didn't work out for her..."
"Adam. you killed the damn woman and you say it was a shame? Isn't there something a little wrong with that logic?" Another soldier asked.
"I killed her because I had had to, not because I wanted to." Adam replied.
A few minutes later a transport helicopter touched down about five hundred meters away. They all put their gear back on and boarded the vehicle. It was a bit of a long flight back to Archangel. About four hours to be precise. It would give them all plenty of time to unwind after such a nasty encounter. This was probably the most difficult mission they had attempted in their lives. Resistance usually wasn't an issue, but resistance from one of their own was another story. The helicopter took off and drifted off into the moonlit horizon. It was almost peaceful up in the sky, but the blood that had stained the ground only an hour ago was far too much to easily be forgotten.
Vivien and Maria sat there silently in the crawlspace of the basement. The younger sibling gently tapped the other on the shoulder.
"I think everyone is gone... Should we go check?" Maria asked
"Mom told us not to leave until she came back, but... I'm a little worried." Vivien replied
The two kids carefully climbed out of the crawl space and onto the cold basement floor. There was a sort of stillness in the air. One that created a feeling of unease. Vivien looked over to her left to see a reflective liquid dripping through the floor board, creating a puddle underneath it. However, it was too dark to see what it was. She moved over to it and put her hand under it to catch a drop of two. There she saw that it was blood. The color in her face faded as a sickness rose in her stomach.
She moved on to the stairs, waving Maria over to follow. They slowly ascended the staircase. A million different worries raced around their heads. All the possibilities of atrocities that could have happened. Upon reaching the top of the stair case they were met with a floor painted blood trails and specked bullet casings. Maria looked over to her right to see the bodies of one of the fallen Throne operatives through a doorway. She quickly threw herself onto her older sister, clinging to her arm.
"Marr, what's wrong?" Vivien asked. Looking over in that direction. "Oh my god... This is not happening..."
Vivien took another step towards the doorway of the living room. The sickening stench of stale blood and smoldering gun powder filled her nostrils. With each step the smell grew more and more prevalent. Though it was dark out they could still see fine as the moonlight was bright enough to fill the room with natural white light. They slowly turned the corner to see two other soldiers dead against the wall. But there in the middle, was the lifeless body of their mother, her cold, dead eyes looking in their direction. The children stopped dead in their tracks. Vivien collapsed, dropping to her knees.
"M-momma..." Maria stuttered to say. She ran over to the body.
"She... She's gone... Marr, what are we gonna do now?"
She received no response. Her sister simply sat next to her mother in silence. The death had sunken in, but she wasn't ready to accept it. It would be hard to tell if she ever would. Maria wasn't one to let things go. She wouldn't let them get to her, instead, she would repress them. She was never willing to cope with them. This, however, might do damage beyond repair. Vivien wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed. It was time to accept the facts and move on. They couldn't spend their whole lives grieving. But maybe they could spend their whole lives in their mothers honor, and that's what mattered. Who were they kidding? None of it mattered anymore.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello, Queenofscience here!
Wow, this was a really good piece. I really like all of the action and suspense. I am wondering why the soldiers were there in the first place? What are the children exactly?
It was an very emotion piece and it was sad when the mother died. I now wonder what is going to happen to the two children.
Your very good at describing and when you write it's clear and understandable. Good job!
Keep up the good work! I want to see more!
Thanks for the feedback! I have a few more chapters that will be ready for posting here very soon. Hopefully all goes well and I can get those out.
Looking forward to it!
Hello there! Holographic Ladybug here for a review!
The emotions in this story are really good and appropriate for it, too; also a bonus.

I'm really interested in this story you have here. I find all of the mystery and action really cool and exhilarating. You're also good at describing, which is a bonus.
There were, though, errors that are necessary to point out:
*"Vivien! Maria! Time to come inside!" She called into the open air in her distinguished french accent.
*"Yes... M-momma..." She trembled.
*"Hey, you put that bitch down hard. That was some pretty sweet." The other soldier replied.
These and pretty much every bit of dialogue you've got here. Unless it's a name, the word after the dialogue should be lowercase (unless it's describing an action or something). This only applies when you're writing 'he said', 'you said', 'they shouted', etc.
Also, when you have a period at the end of your dialogue (unless the movement exceptions are applied) should be a comma.
I do believe that this is also an exception with ellipses. Speaking of the ellipses, I do find that you use them a little too much. Maybe you should use something else. Of course, that's just my opinion.
'"Yes... M-momma..." She trembled.'
Unless she is actually trembling, you probably mean something else. But if this is the right word, it's probably not right there. It won't look right or sound right, really.
'"Vivien, Maria. I need you to listen. You need to go into the basement, and take shelter in the crawl space, right now. There's no time to explain. Go!" She exclaimed.'
I don't really think that 'explained' is really the right word here. 'Screamed', 'hollered', or maybe even 'commanded' would probably be better here.
About 'Angel Actual', when you first started to mention it, you used 'Angel actual'. You later switched to the other one. Which is the right one? Whichever it is, you should probably make the appropriate adjustments.
'"Douces enfants de mes amis! Le dîner est prêt!" She called upstairs'
I don't know if you speak French (forgive me if you do), but I have checked with Google and it says that you're basically saying that these are her friend's children.
You've also forgotten the period at the end, too.
'"Vivien! Maria! Time to come inside!" She called into the open air in her distinguished french accent.'
'French' should be a capitalized word.
There are also a few other mistakes that I have noticed (Something about a semi colon?), but I have clearly forgotten them and can't find them.
I hope I have been of some use to you! I'm eager to find out what happens next!
~Holographic Ladybug
.P.S. I've noticed that you've joined yesterday! Welcome to YWS!
Thanks for all of the feedback. I'll definitely get working on hammering out the kinks. Also, to reply to one of your concerns, I don't actually speak French. The dialogue is just in there as a place holder, mainly so I don't forget about it. I would like to find someone who could actually provide a proper translation. I had a friend of mine say that it was really off too. This storyline has been in the works for a quite a few years now, so I'm gladly taking any and all feedback so I can continue to improve upon it.