Published June 16, 2011
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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Thanks the for the advice. It was really helpful. And I will work on fixing it.
wow! really amazing poem! It is incredable that you were able to write such a long poem that keeps you reading and drawn to what you are abouit to say next... becarful though with these long poems that you don't forget the topic of the poem. I've noticed once or twice that you swtched to something else that would confuse a reader until they read the rest. But other than that keep up the excellent work!
Howdy there!
This is very very good and the use of enjambment was great, however just a few things.
Firstly this is very long, possibly it drags on for a little too long so you may want to consider cutting it down a little, or splitting it up into stanza's?
Secondly, there was no use of punctuation what so ever, which I think this poem needed in order to flow properly as, as a reader I had no idea as to when to pause, or when the end of the sentence was. This like the above point could be helped by splitting the poem into stanza's!
Overall good job, well done!