Published February 27, 2005
I'd rather grind glass into my eyes.
The pain is laughable
When I compare it to what I see
When you talk to her.
Her voice is high and ditzy
Ignorant
And yet you still stare at her in awe
YOur mouth hanging slightly open.
She flips her hair and swings her hips
And walks off.
You follow
Drooling.
Keep her.
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
That was okay, I guess. To me, it didn't really have any major meaning and didn't really move me or make me think. It was hard to tell what aspect you were trying to get through. Whether it was love, obsession or some of both. It could use a lot of improvement, but I liked your beginning
Cliche, obviously. I liked the title and the first line. The title was short, yet seemed to hold contempt. The first line was sort of cool, it was original which it made it really stand out. After that the poem descends into the usual cliches, the usual ideas. Try strectching out the poem, making it longer. Eliminate the kind of highschooly-teenage-soap-opera vibe. If you could write about this subject ina fresh way, and the first line shows maybe you ar capable of this, then that would make for a very good poem.
starts off pretty good. but it just gets too blah and predictible. makes you sound immature.
Cliche end, decent beginning, so-so middle. This could do with a lot of improvements - don't get me wrong - it has potential, but it's biggest shortcimings are it's short length and very cliceh, uninventive language and lexis used.
I agree with hekategirl...it started off well but it kind of read as a bit of a joke from then on. I like the image of grinding glass into your eyes though...very cool.
I loved this!!!!!
Haha, it reminds me so much of this guy from school...*rambles off into description of hot guy* But the first line...it's kinda...cringe. You're grossed out the entire poem because you're thinking about grinding glass into your eyes. Niiiice.
but i seriously loved this poem soooo much...
This poem is O.K, but its not one of my favorites of yours. I liked the beginning of the second stanza the most but then when you got to the very end it was horrible. The first line of the first stanza was very funny to read, but the rest I didn't like.
With some tweaking you could make this a good poem!