What's wrong with me?
Maybe I am a hypocrite.
I laughed at the same people, the same jokes I did.
But finally, came to my senses.
Slap on my face, fell down ashamed I did.
Since I realized, oh too late...
Those people, those jokes.
They were as real as you and I folks.
And if you and I were in their place;
These words, these jokes, wouldn't they sting?
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
I LOVE THIS!! I read this poem because the description really stood out to me. I am a huge supporter of anti bullying and I try to stop any form of it that I see. Like any teenage girl, I have gone through my fair share of ridicule from my peers, however I have always gotten a lot more than the usual. Back to your poem, though. Using an ellipsis can be tricky and most of the time it doesn't fit in with the flow of the writing, but you used it perfectly and it adds a great little pausing point in the poem for the reader to think. I also really liked the rhetorical questions for the same reason of adding a spot for the reader to think. I couldn't think of much to change besides making the jokes you discussed appear even meaner to the reader. This way, the reader will develop a stronger anger towards bullying. Many people view bullying as just jokes and, like your poem says, realize too late how much these jokes truly hurt people. I think you should find a website or organization to share your poem with because I think it could help make a difference!
Yo, Guy here to take you to Flavortown
I don't have too many (nitpicks?) There's a couple of things that kind of just stuck out to me-- you know, that didn't seem to fit.
1.
Why would you be a hypocrite? A hypocrite, which I'm sure you already know, is basically a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he/she does not actually possess, you know what I mean? Or you could say that these people could tell someone not to do something, but then turn around and do the exact same thing. So what is the person doing that's causing them to believe that they're a hypocrite?
2.
The majority of this poem is confusing, man. Mainly this part, I'd say:
'Slap on my face, fell down ashamed I did.'
I can (kind of) see what you're trying to say here, but you're not wording it right, so it doesn't make a lot of sense.
All in all, this was a mediocre drive thru (@Stranger I hate you)
I came to review this poem, scrolled down, and oh my God.
Hey Sky, nice to see you've written some poetry.
I like the simplicity of this poem, but I do have a few nitpicks on it.
This line confused me a tiny bit. Did you mean to say you slapped yourself because you felt ashamed? This line just sounds a bit wonky and is worded awkwardly, try rewording it.
If you are recalling something you've said or simply stating a quote from either you or anyone, put it in quotations! For example: Since I realized, "oh, too late..."
This is a sentence fragment, it'd be better to use a semicolon or maybe a comma, because it's not a full sentence.
You have one rhyming part in this poem which wasn't needed as the rest of the poem has no rhyme scheme. If you didn't mean for it to rhyme, still watch out for it. If you're going to have a poem without a rhyme scheme, then watch out for unnecessary rhymes.
In the end, the best you can do is check over your work and listen to the advice of your writing buddies <3
~Gladdy
Okay, Atsmai here for a review.
The topic is interesting.
I think I'll review this by paragraph:
What's wrong with me?
Maybe I am a hypocrite.
I laughed at the same people, the same jokes I did.
But finally, came to my senses.
Slap on my face, fell down ashamed I did.
Right here I feel a little iffy about how you started off and what you're trying to convey. I don't fully get the message you're trying to send here. I get it, it's just a little messy and it could be fixed by putting some more direct things as you did in the second paragraph.
Since I realized, oh too late...
This was one of the lines I really liked. It wasn't much out of the ordinary but it shows the message of realizing that jokes can be hurtful.
Those people, those jokes.
They were as real as you and I folks.
And if you and I were in their place;
These words, these jokes, wouldn't they sting?
This was my favorite part overall. You do a good job of saying that you realized that jokes can hurt and are real and people barely take notice when they're making them.
You do a good job on making strong lines like the sixth line and the last line, but all the others feel kind of weak compared to the strong lines you have.
Overall: Some great lines, trouble in understanding a bit, inconsistency of how the lines were on how much effort it seemed to be put into them. The great lines were great, while the others were okay.
Goodbye!
I have to give my utmost gratitude to @Winter257 for their unsolicited donation that allowed this work to be published.
Have other poems in work which ARE (hopefully :p) more worthy of their generosity, but since I have been too indecisive and busy to make enough reviews myself, I wanted to at least publish this as my own contribution (even in a way Winter257's?) against Cyber Defamation and Cyber Bullying, as well as back biting as a whole, hence the protracted piece of work in its mostly pristine form here! :3