I thought it was a trick of the light;
This couldn't possibly be right.
But - up there,
High above.
The moon's blood red
And the sky is dead.
The seas are lead,
No more paths to tread.
The moon's blood red
And the sky is dead.
We are no more than thread.
What more can be said?
The moon's blood red
And the sky is dead.
No where else to head.
Now only dread...
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Cooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!
Mysterious and haunting my two favourite words!. I love the layout of the poem and how it flows from line to line.
I'm a big fan of descriptive language and you have used it perfectly in the poem.
I read over 5 times and still it's just great! Well done!
Keep up the awesome writing!
-TheDarkWriter
Hi Felistia here with a review.
Brilliant, haunting poem. The sense of foreboding is fascinating and the rhythm is perfect. Is there a underlying message in this, because it sounds like there is. I can't find any faults in this, because it is flawless. The description is excellent and the motion is just right.
Good work.
Yessssss, you wrote it ^^
Hello, priceofwords here!
This was a pretty cool poem. I particularly loved your use of repetition of the lines,
'And the sky is dead,'
'The moon's blood red,'
as it feels like there's a constant rhythm going round and round in my head now. Very catchy, but enjoyable rather than irritating. Your use of rhetorical question in the line,
'What more can be said?'
It really adds that Something Else to the poem that, as well as the catchy rhyming you've go going on, really makes it stand out.
The only improvement I would suggest is, like the others have said, to expand on it a little. We're given all these severe words like 'red' and 'dead' but we're not told why the moon and the sky are red and dead. If you could add a little more imagery and/or depth your poem would be even more awesome.
Keep writing!
priceofwords
Judging by your poem, I'd say not much more can be said. Was that the point?
ABABABABABAB rhyme scheme is like when you are riding a bike on a really bumpy street, unpaved for so long.
A lot of this doesn't make sense. Freudian association writing? Are you inspired by surrealism?
A lot of emphasis on nothing too meaningful. Tires the reader, this one at least.
Give it another go perhaps.
Hey! Cello here!
This review will be short for the poem was only sixteen lines long.
It was a really interesting concept and I'd love to see you expand on it. The 'ed' and 'ead' rhyming got a little repetitive though. I'm not saying change it, just watch out for 'over doing it' in other poems.
Take out the "-". It screws up the flow and isn't truly needed. It would be fine as 'But up there'
Hm. You change tenses. The first line says 'thought' (Past tense) and in the fifth line you said 'Moon's'/moon is (Present tense).
You can go through and change everything to past, but it would be easier to change the first two lines to present. 'It seems to be a trick of the light, this can't possibly be right'. Hm. No. That sounds weird. I trust you'll find a solution as you're clearly a good writer.
Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello
This was a somewhat depressing poem, especially the title "The Sky is Dead".
This part was what intrigued me the most:
"The moon's blood red
And the sky is dead.
The seas are lead,
No more paths to tread"
It gave the poem a sense of nihilism and death; a great aspect of magical realism, too, as well.
Anyway, I hope you keep working on some more stories; i would love to read them.
You have a cool way of writing, like you have your own niche. Very pleasant poem.
Personally, I would not have this portion immediately following the quatrain before. I would add more lines like .
Other than that I really do like this poem, it has a nice rhythm to it I can connect with.
See you, Aaron.
Thanks for the review!
Cool way of writing? Woohoo!
I understand yourself not wanting it - but I myself had wanted the 'flow scheme' of the poetry to first be slow, gradually quicken up, till a sort of climax point, where it stayed, until it died down again finally at 'Now only dread'. :3
Really glad you liked my poem and thought it had a nice rhythm as well! :p
To conclude, thanks again for your review!
I really liked this. The imagery was nice, and I loved the part where you talked about the moon being red. I feel like red is a daunting, almost evil color, so it fit very well in with the poem. I also liked the first two lines. They were very powerful and they drew you into the poem and made you want to know more. The rhyming was very good, but I did think a few lines could have been rearranged a bit.
I've looked over the other reviews and read its explanation, but I thought that having a metaphor like this might need a bit more explaining. Maybe it could go like this:
We were no more than bread.
Devoured by a crimson moon
What more can be said?
This or something else along these lines. Having that extra line might break up the rhyming pattern a bit, but in my opinion, the poem would be improved with it.
There is also this last stanza:
Okay, so this first one is a nitpick, but it is "nowhere" not "no where". Just a small error.
Next is the last line, "Now only dread..." I feel like this poem is very dramatic, and its ending should be too. Maybe add some short imagery or another strong feeling. In the end, it could look somewhat like this:
Nowhere else to head.
Left alone with our dread...
Or maybe:
A creeping sense of dread...
Another thing I wanted to address is the punctuation. With periods at the end of most lines, it seems a bit choppy. I suggest replacing them with commas of something like that. Other than that, though, I have nothing else to say. I think your poem was very dramatic, and I loved the rhymes. Great job!
Thanks a lot for your review, constructive criticisms and suggestions! :3
Addressing the whole 'bread' thing, I understand where you're coming from, and your recommended input is quite interesting. Alas, the reiteration of moon doesn't feel right, and I hadn't exactly wanted to make the Moon a villain/character here (though I am pleasantly amused at the prospect of it being personified - or thought of as such in a reader's mind! :3 ).
Yes, the 'Nowhere' thing, my bad. :p
Actually, I had meant 'Now only dread...' to be an ominous slow ending to the poem; especially make it that much more damning due to the use of 'only' in the sentence. Will indeed consider other ways to end of or indoctrinate your instructions, but yeah. :3
Indeed, I am a newbie when it comes to punctuation in poems, never really had any guidance to this end, hence thanks for your insight here - may need more experimenting to get it right but yes, commas would surely make the flow possibly better!
Once again, thanks a lot for your nice words and well reasoned appraisal of my poem! :3
You're welcome!
Hey SkyisDead! Gonna review this for you c:
When I first saw the title, and your name, I was expecting something of a poetic autobiography or somthing. But I was pleasantly surprised with this wonderful poem you've written.
I love the almost future worldly (apocolyptic) feel this poem has. It's as if you're giving us a glimpse into the future-a dreaded one though.
Anyway, your first two lines are a fantastic way to start this poem. As the reviewer below me mentioned, it's giving the reader a sense of surprise, like, "What do you see, what's so surprising?" and thus making the reader compelled to read on.
Then you went on to describe the surrounding-- a blood red moon, dead sky, lead seas, and no paths to walk on. I only added this part of my review, to applaud how well you captured the imagery in this part. It was at the pace of the rest of the poem, covered what you wanted it to, without info-dumping and messing with the flow.
My only issue would be with this line- "We are no more than bread"-- im not sure I understand what this means. In comparison to the rest of the poem, it seems so meaningless and out of place.
Okay, that's all I have to say, other than your last two lines made me feel a sense of dread as if this land you made, really will come true one day. Anyway, fantastic job on this poem! I'll be sure to look out for more of your work! ^~^
Thanks a lot for your review!
Really do appreciate it; sorry, didn't have time to reply earlier. :p
I am glad you were pleasantly surprised (yay ambiguity! xD), and was particularly amused by how you yourself interpreted it as a possible future that our own could be headed towards! As I have mentioned earlier, I feel a lot of the beauty of a poem comes in how its readers interpret it, and this is one such interpretation that I really enjoyed!
Relieved you appreciated the imagery part; I wanted to keep it simplistic to follow on with the trend of 'drawing out the reader's interpretation'. What would be a dead sky to a person? A black sky? A stale, cloudless sky? :3
That is the very line I have recognized as a weak link owing to the previous review as well; what I wanted to express was how we would be as 'insignificant as bread' if such an event where the 'moon's blood red' and 'the sky is dead' were to come to pass.
I feel perhaps 'thread' in its place could work, to exude a more obvious and proper effect, but yeah. :3
Finally, again, gratified for your kind words, and thanks again for the review!
No problem! And I think that might work better, yes. You're a talented poet, for sure. c:
Hey, TwilightMuse here to review!
I like this as an opening because it shows a sense of surprise at what's happening. Like they/you can't believe what you're seeingThis sounds so apocalyptic, I love it! Really nice work here.
This stanza describes the world in this possibly apocalyptic world as being dead an uninhabitable.
I'm not sure I really understand this line, it fits and flows well but I don't quite know what it's trying to say.
The line is good but the ellipsis seems a little bit corny to me. That's more my personal preference though.
All in all I really enjoyed this poem and I look forward to reading more from you!
Thanks a lot for your review!
I really like how you found it 'apocalyptic'; it means the effect I wanted to create came across, more or less.
More so, I feel poetry is a form of art, and isn't art in turn open to its viewers' interpretations, within which a considerable amount of its beauty lies?
I feel in very much the same way about poetry! :3
Concerning the "We are no more than bread." part, I really wanted to let it be open to the interpretation and imagination of the reader.
For instance, you could draw out metaphorical conclusions to what 'bread' may have meant here, and as long as it matches the context, you would be right! Heck, for instance, what if, in our apocalyptic world or whatsoever, humans are being literally DEVOURED, by perhaps creatures that came out since the "Moon's blood red"? What creatures would those be? YOU decide! :3
I disliked using the ellipsis at the end for the relatively corny aspect of it too, but I figured it was useful to, quoting Wikipedia, "indicate an unfinished thought, a leading statement, a slight pause, a mysterious or echoing voice, or a nervous or awkward silence."
Glad you enjoyed it, the first piece of work is always quite nerve racking, and hope I can keep to the standards of this poem or usurp it in the future!