z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence

Wait For Me - Chapter 1 (Never Came Back)

by Sivershade797


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

June 15, 3037.

“Yes, yes, I promise, Les.” He said, grinning at her. “Like I always do.”

“It’s just that I’m sc-” she paused, then hugged him tightly. “Just be careful. You’ll come back, right?”

“Of course I’ll come back.”

———

“What do you mean you won’t send a team out?” She screeched, “They haven’t contacted us in three days! Three days!”

“We can’t lose more people. We’ve already lost Mercedes, Jace, and now Az and Caspian! Leslie, don’t you see? This is not about us. There is a limit to how many lives we can sacrifice for a futile cause before it’s unreasonable.”

“Fine.” She whispered, “I’ll go out there alone.”

The other girl shook her head. “The others are trained, but nothing will stop them from tearing all of our secrets from your mind. Jace would have taught you how if he’d been here.”

“And you can’t teach me?” she said, taking a step forward.

In response, the girl only shook her head. “I’m sorry, Les.” Agents rushed into the room, grabbing her. “We can’t have you leaving. It’s for your own good.”

“Ana!” She screamed as they started dragging her away, and dug her feet into the ground. “Don’t you remember Jace? Mer? Did you forget all those times that we went out together? Did you forget those times when you used to laugh with Cas? How you teased Az about his stories?”

For a second, she thought the girl looked pained. “I’m sorry, Les. I just want you to be safe.”

“Let me go!”

“Take her away.”

She felt tears slipping down her face. “I hate you.”

The girl’s face morphed into a sneer. “Wake up.”

“I hate you so much.” She screamed.

She turned away. “Wake up.”

“You-”

“WAKE UP!”

———

“WAKE UP!” A hand shook her shoulder and she bolted upright, hands instinctively shooting towards her belt where weapons would have been. But there were none.

The Capitol. The lights were dim, but she could make out the face of the guard, a look of pure disgust etched onto it.

"Shit girl, you’ve been writing in your sleep for thirty minutes now.” He said, retracting his hand and wiped it on his pants. “I’m starting to get annoyed.”

“Oh well, I’m sorry.” She sneered, “What time is it?”

“Three o’clock in the morning.” He rolled his eyes, “I was supposed to meet my girlfriend a few hours ago.”

“Then why are you still here?” She asked, trying to act dignified by straightening the scraps of what had once been a dark leather jacket, and a black camisole and jeans.

“You think Akira would leave you here, unguarded, for the whole night?” He scoffed. “You’re crazy. And we agents know better than to disobey him.”

“Fine.” She said, and lay back down. “I’m going back to sleep, so get out.”

He shook his head and left out of a section in the bullet-proof glass walls, fortified by iron bars and multiple deadbolts. She grinned to herself.

They must expect that I’m extremely good. She thought with satisfaction, I don’t even have the strength to walk more than a few steps right now, let alone break down a door.

She closed her eyes again, and this time, the darkness welcomed her.

———

"Fuck it. Nothing again? You've got to be kidding me."

"The programs don't seem to be working. It looks like she was trained to resist it."

"She also won't answer any of our questions, either."

"The other option is that for some reason, her memory was wiped."

"How, exactly? You know that the government oversees every medical procedure relating on that topic."

"I-I'm not sure, Sir."

"Well, you better be fucking sure soon, Hex. I'm fed up with your shit already."

———

Leslie woke up to the door closing with a loud slam. Her eyes fluttered open and she glanced at the figure that had entered the room. A Leader. She sat up. They usually didn't come into the cell, though. But the boy seemed to not be under orders. The top button of his fleecy shirt was unbuttoned and his hair was tousled like he had just rolled out of bed.

"Do I know you?" She suddenly said, squinting, and feeling the familiarity of his face.

"Ah, so you're memory has been wiped, after all." He ran a hand through his hair, sweeping it to the side. “Not a surprise, though.”

She blinked. "How do you know?"

"Never mind that. I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about. I came here to tell you that tomorrow, you will be told that you have been given some freedom - you have been classified with the other unthreatening prisoners. You will be permitted to join them at the common room through that door-" He gestured to a door that hadn't been there the night before, "-during meals. But if they find that you are collaborating with them to plot an escape, the program will be diminished."

“Why did you have to come tell me now? I assume you’re not here under orders.”

The boy paused for a second, just stared at her with a sort of… sadness. He finally sighed, and his face immediately. “You’re right, I shouldn’t be here. I just don’t want you to make a fool of yourself tomorrow. I captured you, after all, and it's already embarrassing that you were classified as unthreatening.”

There was a certain air of viciousness around this man... boy, rather. He looked around her age, seventeen, but his eyes looked older than twice his age. “All right.” then after a second of silence, “What’s your name?”

“If i told you, where would the fun be in it?” He slowly turned around and started to do the three-layered unlocking system. The boy scanned his fingertips, then entered his passcode behind his hand. Finally, he let out a breathy laugh.

"You asked me before how I knew that your memory had been wiped." A scanner scanned his retinas and the screen in front of him flashed green. "It's because if you remembered anything-" The door clicked open, "You would have remembered me."

The door closed silently behind him.


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126 Reviews


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Thu Apr 04, 2019 8:12 pm
papillote wrote a review...



Hi, Sivershade797, my name is Papillote. I’m here to review. It’s supposed to be constructive critic, and I’m going to do my best, so please, don’t take anything I write the wrong way.

It’s a strong beginning, although I’m a little lost, I confess, right now.

I think there might be a couple of small misspellings. You wrote “Shit girl, you’ve been writing in your sleep for thirty minutes now.” I think you meant to write “Shit, girl, you’ve been writhing in your sleep for thirty minutes now.”

You also wrote “Ah, so you're memory has been wiped, after all." I think you meant “Ah, so your memory has been wiped, after all."

There are a couple of instances where I thought you could have minded your commas a little more diligently, but that’s it really. Nitpicks over.

I liked it. I’m curious to read more. A word of advice, though: you should, as best you can, make sure we start understanding some of what’s going on in the next chapter. You don’t want your readers to lose interest because they’re too lost.

Good luck.






Hey Papillote! Thanks for the review! I read through before and saw my mistakes.... Thanks, though! I'll definitely start explaining stuff - idk it's supposed to be kind of confusing bc she's lost her memory and all but i totally get where you're coming from.

THANKS AGAIN!!
~Shade



papillote says...


I thought that was probably what you were going with. A small thing that tripped me up is that you refer to your MP by her name even in the paragraphs where she's supposed to be completely unaware of who she is. It's not a mistake per se, but in memory-loss story, I often feel that it takes you out of the story a little.





thanks i think I'll make it clear that she was told that her name was Leslie...



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Sat Mar 23, 2019 6:46 pm
Miraculor77 wrote a review...



Hello!
I just wanted to say... this is very interesting.

Now for the review part:

I honestly don't think there are any actual mistakes in spelling and grammar and such. But it would be very helpful to have an explanation for the many names here (like Leader, the Capitol, Hex, etc.). It would be good to explain those near the beginning of the book, so put more information in the next part.
Also, put in more details about what I assume is her prison cell. There is not enough description, which makes it hard to imagine the place.

The feel of this chapter is similar to another book I have read: Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. Perhaps you have heard of it?

Either way, I really liked it, so do tag me when you release Chapter 2!

Keep writing,
Mira






Hey Mira!

Thanks for the review! No, I haven't read Six of Crows yet, but I got a few recommendations from friends to read it, and I'm currently waiting on it at my library! I'll definitely add more explanations and details!

Again, thanks for the suggestions!



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Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:41 pm
Honora says...



Hey shade! So I will tell you one thing...it is intriguing. I don’t really have to time to leave a review right now but be assured that I will be reading more of this. It is interesting! Good job! :D
Your friend,
Honora






thanks! %uD83D%uDE04




Stupidity's the deliberate cultivation of ignorance.
— William Gaddis