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Young Writers Society



A tribute to my baby bugsy x

by SivartNagem=P


The fiery horse ran away from the terror behind him, without realising he found himself wedged between a stable and fence. He panicked as he valiantly tried to free himself his strength alone was not enough to get him past the sturdy wood that was crushing into his shoulder. He let out a petrified whinny yet there was no one around to hear his desperate cries. He thrashed out with his legs, raising his head throwing it about, yet no one came to his aid. The one time he needed anybody, nobody came. Slowly but surely the rope that kept his strength and stamina strong started to fray. Thread by thread his fight for survival turned into a whimpering, terrifying and mournful death. His heart that had once beat with the rhythm of his spirited ancestors, slowly turned into an empty beat. One tiny faint empty beat and with it came one last short and sharp breath. This was the end of the great racer, Totem.

Something I wrote about two years ago when a pony I used to look after died this way. It wasn't my fault as i had given him back to his owners who have been known to mistreat animals. I gave him back to his owners because alot of stuff had been stolen from my stable. I regret ever giving him back to them as I wander if i had kept him would he still be alive?


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Tue Dec 06, 2022 7:01 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The fiery horse ran away from the terror behind him, without realising he found himself wedged between a stable and fence. He panicked as he valiantly tried to free himself his strength alone was not enough to get him past the sturdy wood that was crushing into his shoulder. He let out a petrified whinny yet there was no one around to hear his desperate cries. He thrashed out with his legs, raising his head throwing it about, yet no one came to his aid. The one time he needed anybody, nobody came. Slowly but surely the rope that kept his strength and stamina strong started to fray. Thread by thread his fight for survival turned into a whimpering, terrifying and mournful death. His heart that had once beat with the rhythm of his spirited ancestors, slowly turned into an empty beat. One tiny faint empty beat and with it came one last short and sharp breath. This was the end of the great racer, Totem.


Well this is quite the start. I don't believe I've ever felt quite so concerned about a horse's wellbeing ever before so that's quite something that you've managed here. You really seem to hit the perfect notes here as we go about things because we really do feel so much sympathy for this horse with the way you've chosen to showcase its predicament and that really lends itself very powerfully to the whole situation here.

I think the last moments you capture there are also really powerful and despite us barely knowing this character and it being an actual horse you feel a bit of sadness there as it goes through which really shows just how much emotion you managed to pack into such a small package here.

This piece really does end up resonating ever so powerfully withing and it can actually almost be seen that there was some real powerful emotion behind it as it was written. Overall, well I'll just have to say good job here honestly, it is quite the feat to be able to pack this much of a punch into such a short piece.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





Brain freezes are temporary, but milkshakes are forever.
— SilverNight