I woke up slowly. Every bit of my body ached. I decided not to move. As my surroundings came into focus, I tried to sit up. I was in some sort of box. I discovered that I could barely move at all. My limbs seemed to be frozen solid and I tried to cry out for help.
My voice was horse and hardly made an audible noise but I tried again.
Suddenly a hand clamped over my mouth. I tried to struggle but I knew it was hopeless. I felt something move behind me. Whoever’s hand it was was lying beside me where I couldn’t see them.
“Don’t make a sound!” Said a hushed voice. “I promise I will take my hand away if you promise not to make a noise. Okay?”
I nodded feebly.
“Good.” He removed his hand and I felt him sit up behind me. “You are on a pirate ship. I found you floating on the sea. It is not safe for you to be with the others because they will, well, they will try to take advantage of you. I could never be responsible for handing you over to them. So, I have hidden you in here and kept you warm and made sure that you won’t be found until you are well enough to look after yourself. Understand?”
A weak reply escaped my lips, “Yes.”
“Okay. So, um, I am Noctivagus by the way, Nox for short.”
“I… I am… Arrie.”
“Oh. Nice, nice to meet you Arrie.” He paused for a long time before adding, “Diner will be here soon I think. It won’t be much, a sort of mushy mess of fish and potatoes really.”
Sure enough the food arrived with a knock on wood and a cry of “Oi, Batboy! Your slop is ‘ere. If it were up t’me, yuh wouldn’ be gettin’ any of this so count yer lucky stars!”
I couldn’t see Nox. Only his shadow was visible to me and it looked as though it was distorted with a large cloak so that didn’t really help.
He put the food down in front of me and sat down behind me.
“It tastes better cold.”
I nodded and tried to turn over to see him but once again my limbs failed and I only managed to move my arm into a slightly more comfortable position.
“Are you alright?” He sounded genuinely concerned.
“C… c…cold.” I stammered. My mouth didn’t seem to want to form the words I was telling it to.
“Oh, right.”
I felt him lie down beside me and he wrapped some sort of leathery blanket over me. I smiled and drifted slowly off to sleep in his warmth.
~SishBee~
x
I like the switches of perspective you have but I think you need to characterize more. Fin and Nox both seem to be rather similar in that they're both outcasts and they're both rather depressed so try to give them their own personalities. I like your use of dialogue though and altogether, I enjoyed reading this part but it was a touch short.
Interesting. We have a new character named Arrie. I wonder what role she'll play. Didn't spot any mistakes and I can't say anything else about this part since it's a bit short.
Overall, I'm interested in your fantasy. You used conflicts between characters to move the storyline which is quite clever and makes the storyline unpredictable. Sorry if my critque is short, I just don't want to repeat myself.
Anyways, keep going! I'll watch over your work closely.
Thank you for the crit, by the way the leather blanket is in fact his wing, but she doesn't know that he has them yet, so it would probably feel like a leathery blanket.
Thanks again! 
~SishBee~
x
I woke up slowly. Every bit of my body ached. I decided not to move. As my surroundings came into focus, I tried to sit up. I was in some sort of box. I discovered that I could barely move at all. My limbs seemed to be frozen solid and I tried to cry out for help.
-For the first paragraph, don't start the sentence with the same word so many times. You could also join some of the sentences together to help eliminate pol's problem.
My voice was horse and hardly made an audible noise but I tried again.
-hoarse
“Don’t make a sound!” Said a hushed voice.
-no caps required.
I felt him lie down beside me and he wrapped some sort of leathery blanket over me
-leather blankets? Correct me if they do exist.
Anyway, good story apart from the quibbles. Nothing wrong with the plot and grammatical errors can always be sorted easily.
She called it a box because she is hidden inside a crate, she can't see the room outside it.
Thanks for the comment though, I will try and work on that first bit!
~SishBee~
x
YYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! Your stories back up! Hooray! Ahem! Okay, the begining was a tad bit confusing. I realized you needed to get the point across that she couldn't move but you kinda reapeated it for an entire paragrph. Only spend about two sentances at most.
I would describe the room or whatever more. "Box" Doesn't really paint a picture. I would also desribe Nox, who for some reason is really cool. I would describe the food more to. I know I'm telling you to do that a bit much but its a short piece but needs to be a good starter.
That was just about it...
~Pol~
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