Okay, Sio!
I love scripts! I've read a few of them but honestly, I've never actually reviewed one! So you're going to be my first and this is your first script. Cool! Anyway, I'll be reviewing as I read so bare with me.
(Set: One room with worn carpet, old yellowed chairs, peeling wallpaper, boarded up windows, frames with no pictures, a ton of magazines and books and half finished projects, small old TV with antennae, bed with quilts stage left, kitchen stage right)
First thing that pops out to me in the setting area is the bed and kitchen stage. I'm wondering about this set-up because normally, Kitchens are near a family/living room or dining area but in here, a bedroom (If it is a bedroom because that wasn't stated clearly) is next to the kitchen. Unless, there is a bed in the living room! xD Also, I'm not sure if this is a type of studio set with just one room where there is a kitchen on one half of the room and an empty space that could be filled with something else on the other side of the room. Then again, studio's are usually in apartments. Anyway, setting is important and it's best to be as clear as you can be with few words. Such as ->"Studio style small cabin in blank forest. One room: half kitchen, half bedroom." Or something like that. Sorry for the paragraph on setting. :/
John: Wake up Hannah.
*Wake up, Hannah.
Make sure you use proper punctuation in scripts too. :3
If you're unsure on the right places to put commas ( I was at one point, too) you can always google it up and they have many articles that can help you. :3
John: If you want fresh air, we have Febreze right here. [motions toward bottle]
*Febreeze xD
Also, I love this line. Little things like this make me happy. <3
Wide-eyed, John moves out of the way as she makes it to the door in the corner. Hannah starts to unlock it.
But she was sick and dying! How did she manage to get up?
As for the ending, I find it really, really odd. If the world was plagued by aliens, would 911 still be working? This makes me question his motives and find it really odd. Next, I also wonder why he would wait all these years for her to die if that was the case. Anyway, the ending just left me with lots of questions and I guess that's a good thing. xD
Now, I'm not exactly sure if this script is for a play, based on Horibliss's review or actually a script for a movie or show. So that would change my thoughts on the setting based on what type of stage it was. :/
One piece of advice I can give you is that while in scripts, you don't exactly have the convenience of character thoughts so the dialogue means double and you have to choose your words a bit more carefully. Also, don't be afraid to put in more action cuts in between like you did there while using more description and 'telling' us what they're feeling. Such as, confused, scared, happy and whatnot. In fiction writing, you're told to 'show' more but when it comes to scripts, the showing is done by the actor and the script 'tells' the actor what to show. Therefore, try to concentrate a little more on the telling part but that doesn't mean you can't 'show' emotions when it's too complicated for words. I hope this makes some amount of sense.
Overall, it was a very interesting script with an ending that left me in question. The things you'll have to work on though would be making sure you have the right punctuation and grammar to match. Alrighty, so let me know if you have any questions or comments and keep writing!
All the best,
-Pink
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