I'm not to sure about this 
I would appreciate your reviews! Rip it to shreads if you want!
The girl in the background
Her words are lost, they're silenced by the ignorance
Of the people who don't know her, people that pass her by.
Every living moment she dreams of acceptance,
But her hope grows weaker no matter how hard she may try.
Whenever you walk past her, all you do is stare,
You never even think about how she fells, what she dreams.
But every time you stare, her heart begins to tear.
She may not shout out loud but inside her shell she screams.
Like a tree without any roots, she cannot grow.
Not because she doesn't want to, because she simply can't.
All she needs is care and love so that she can show
The things she can accomplish, not the things she can't.
Different is said to be good, but all it does is hurt,
Hurt and bury her soul deeper until her breath grows short.
She hides so she can cry, because she feels like dirt.
Just give her some attention, just give her some support.
She lives in a small world where the sky is not blue.
Her whole life passes her by as an unimportant blur.
All she wants is someone she can open up to.
The only friend she has is the lonely soul inside her,
For she is the girl in the background.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey Skins! Cakerissa here!
First of all, I will say I'm sorry for reviving this work that was done all the way back in 2009, but it intrigued me. So here I am, writing a review to a poem that was done seven years ago. Second of all, I just want to ask you, WERE YOU DISCRIBING ME IN THIS? BECAUSE YOU NAILED IT!! now who has a stalker... Okay, onto the review.Typically I don't like longer poems like this because people go too in depth, but you didn't. This was very well writen and I think so many people can relate to this.
we should band together and overthrow the popular peopleNow, I didn't see any grammatical mistakes and you described your character perfectly, though maybe add in a few of her good qualities? And how about her dreams? Does she dream of being popular, or is she fine being a shadow? Just a few tips and questions to help you, though its probably too old for you to care anymore. (That was not meant to be offensive in any way.)Keep writing and reviewing!
Cakerissa
Hahaha oh god, I really need to remove all traces of this stuff from YWS. But hey, you enjoyed it overall, so I'm not complaining
Thanks for the feedback, even if this thing is 7 years old. That's crazy to think about because I remember writing it... God, I feel old.
I just realized, you were my age when you wrote this!
That's crazy
Now I feel really old!
Wow...this was really powerful. I can feel the girls' pain and how she's fading into noneistance. Well done!
I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.
I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.
I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.
I feel like this girl. That is a good thing. I mean, I've been in that situation many times, so it's easy to relate, but still. I like the emotion packed in here, and I think other than the typo, you did really well.
I really like it. It shows a lot of feeling, and you are doing well in expressing your thoughts in different ways.
However, to me it seems a bit wordy. Not just length wise, but kind of in the way the lines are written. There are many little words that could be replaced or aren't necessary that just kind of throw off the natural pattern of this one to me. For instance, the second stanza:
that could be shortened to something along the lines of,
Whenever walking past, all one does is stare,
Never thinking about how she feels, what she dreams.
But with every stare, it makes her heart tear
On the outside she is solemn, but inside the shell she screams.
.. hm, well, maybe that doesn't do a lot for shortening it,
but it kinda flows better in my opinion.
maybe the people she doesn't know, the ones who pass her by.
maybe no matter how hard she may cry.
maybe She may no ask for help but inside she screams out loud.
maybe because the soil slips from below.
maybe not the things she'll never know.
maybe She passes by in life as an unimportant blur.
I liked this a lot, I thought it was very deep, capturing all the emotion it possibly could. Maybe re-tool some of it and it could be absolutely grade-A!!!
All I can say is: "Wow." It's crazy how much feeling is put into this poem. I can feel the pain of the girl, just as I can see her living in her "unimportant" existence.
Should be feels Or at least I'm guessing that's what you meant, which is fine because typos are typos, and that's the only one I found anyway.I really like this poem, it speaks in it's own brilliant language.
~tim8keeper