Young Writers Society

Hey Skins! Cakerissa here!

First of all, I will say I'm sorry for reviving this work that was done all the way back in 2009, but it intrigued me. So here I am, writing a review to a poem that was done seven years ago. Second of all, I just want to ask you, WERE YOU DISCRIBING ME IN THIS? BECAUSE YOU NAILED IT!! now who has a stalker... Okay, onto the review.Typically I don't like longer poems like this because people go too in depth, but you didn't. This was very well writen and I think so many people can relate to this. we should band together and overthrow the popular people Now, I didn't see any grammatical mistakes and you described your character perfectly, though maybe add in a few of her good qualities? And how about her dreams? Does she dream of being popular, or is she fine being a shadow? Just a few tips and questions to help you, though its probably too old for you to care anymore. (That was not meant to be offensive in any way.)

Keep writing and reviewing!
Cakerissa

Wow...this was really powerful. I can feel the girls' pain and how she's fading into noneistance. Well done!

I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.

I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.

I really love it! I can totally relate to it.You should write more poems like this.

I feel like this girl. That is a good thing. I mean, I've been in that situation many times, so it's easy to relate, but still. I like the emotion packed in here, and I think other than the typo, you did really well.

I really like it. It shows a lot of feeling, and you are doing well in expressing your thoughts in different ways.

However, to me it seems a bit wordy. Not just length wise, but kind of in the way the lines are written. There are many little words that could be replaced or aren't necessary that just kind of throw off the natural pattern of this one to me. For instance, the second stanza:

Megan White wrote:Whenever you walk past her, all you do is stare,
You never even think about how she fells, what she dreams.
But every time you stare, her heart begins to tear.
She may not shout out loud but inside her shell she screams.

Her words are lost, they're silenced by the ignorance

Of the people who don't know her, people that pass her by.

no matter how hard she may try.

She may not shout out loud but inside her shell she screams.

because she simply can't.

not the things she can't.

Her whole life passes her by as an unimportant blur.

For she is the girl in the background, destined for a life, nevermore.

All I can say is: "Wow." It's crazy how much feeling is put into this poem. I can feel the pain of the girl, just as I can see her living in her "unimportant" existence.

fells