Dear diary,
Today was my wedding day. I looked beautiful, different, all dolled up. Everything was so exciting and new. Everyone fussed about me. They all gave me compliments and wished me a happy life ahead.
I barely knew Rohit when we first met. He was the son of my father's colleague. He had come back from Delhi after completing his MBA and was now searching for a bride. That's when we met. His parents had come over to our house asking my hand in marriage. We were sent out to have a talk. He asked about me, and I also asked a little bit about him. I liked him, what was there not to like? He earned well, he was good-looking and most importantly, he was the person whom my parents had chosen for me.
So the match was arranged, the date decided, and began the preparations for my wedding. I wish I had more time to know him, but then I thought that there would be more than enough time to know each other after the wedding. Thus, I was excited for the new phase of my life.
The wedding took place, and I found myself sitting with my husband Rohit in the backseat of the new Ford Endeavour, which was all decorated with flowers. Thus began the journey towards my new home, my husband's home. He smiled at me, while my eyes were still moist from the bidaayi (goodbye ceremony). He tried to make me comfortable by asking me if I needed anything. I just shook my head. We sat there in silence, processing that we were a married couple now, letting that feeling sink in. The journey was long. He put his arm over my shoulders and I nestled in the embrace, feeling warm. Everything was blissful.
And that's when it happened.
The road was narrow so the vehicles were going at a slow pace. Suddenly, I felt the car jolt accompanied by a bang. The car behind us had collided with our car. The driver stopped the car in the middle of the road and went outside. Rohit cursed loudly and also went outside, without even a glance at me. I looked outside and saw the driver, Rohit and the driver of the car who had collided with our car in a heated argument. Suddenly the argument turned ugly and Rohit hit the other driver. He said something, and then Rohit and our driver began mercilessly beating him.
I was horrified. I got out of the car, barely able to walk properly in my heavy lehnga and high heels. I tried to stop Rohit. He told me to step back and let him handle it. I tried to reason with him that there was barely a scratch on our car, and the fight was not worth it. He instead pushed me back, hurling abuses at me and the driver. I was taken aback. I was terrified. Was this the person I married? He was not able to control his anger at such a small issue, what would happen to us in the future? He did not consider even once that it was our wedding day and he should behave properly. I was his bride. Was this the treatment I was going to get in the future? I began sobbing uncontrollably in the car.
In the meantime the passerbys had broken up the fight. A compromise had been reached and the driver had paid some money to Rohit for the damage. He came back into the car and we drove off. He did not utter a single comforting word as he saw me crying. Was this to be my life now? Was this the person my parents chose as a life partner for me?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Greetings,
I must say that for a diary of a newlywed wife, it seems to lack a certain amount of emotion in it, like what the previous reviewers have said. But being told what was lacking again and again doesn't help. So I am going to try and take a different view on this.
The characters themselves are a little flat. What I mean by that is that they seem very stereotypical. He's a business man that seems to be absolutely perfect until someone accidentally flips his switch. I realize that this is supposed to be a diary entry and, therefore, doesn't have all the details that a story would have; but, there still has to be enough there for us to get a full understanding that of what the character is like.
A suggestion to help with the emotion would be to maybe introduce who she dreamed of marrying or what her fantasy husband would be like. By doing that you can really drive home the idea that who she thought was her perfect husband has now been diminished and perhaps the husband that she wished for is now farther away. Food for thought.
All in all it was a good story and concept. I would just work on adding a little more life to your characters and make sure the emotions are fitting to the concept you are wanting.
Happy Writing!
Thanks
that's a detail I seemed to have missed. I'll keep it in mind when I get around to editing this again.
Hello, and welcome to YWS.
Its Abhipsa, just here for a review.
Before reviewing I want you to know that whatever I write is solely my opinion, so no need to take it too seriously.
First of all, its to do with what in your sense is this - a story (as you have mentioned it is) or a diary entry (as the description says)?
According to me, it is a fictional diary entry, which is somewhat not appropriate, because that way it lacks as both.
What I mean is if it is a story, there should be other things mentioned, like the life of the girl and how had she been a bit, before the disaster and then you could have mentioned the diary entry in her diary. Then there is the fact that I think starting a story with ''Dear Diary'' is inappropriate. And then maybe a better consideration to the title of the story, could have been looked after.
And if it a diary entry, just like Fahim526 says, it lacks the emotions and more importantly, the sense that it is an event from the past.
Now coming to the content, it was very nicely written and there was a touch of naturalism. You seem to raise a question on the system of arranged marriages. It was good to read, especially at the beginning and the end, which was a great job.
Keep writing!
Thanks Abhipsa
Thanks for pointing out the 'diary entry' bit. I see my mistake clearly now. Also, I'll try to improve from the next one onwards. Thanks once again!
Its always a pleasure
Well, I was going to review this until I read @Fahim526's review, who basically said everything I was gonna say and more.
Now, I'm just gonna say that I really enjoyed this. You did a good job--especially towards the end--of portraying the emotions the bride felt with the words you used. I feel like this is a very strong piece with an important moral.
Nice work!
Thank you
Hey there Simran! Gotta say, it was an awesome tale.
Would be looking forward for more! I'm certainly not the best reviewer around (well, i'm almost an amateur, a newbie) but I gave my best.
Well, a 'tale'. That is what it seemed to me like. A diary entry will have more emotions and thoughts than a story, not the other way around. And the problem with it was that it lacked the emotion. Only in second last paragraph did I understand what was going through you. It was a bit dry.
Near the beginning, it started out as if you were really enjoying it. By the end, you were horrified. Traits of a story, not a diary. See, when you are writing a diary about an event, you are writing 'after' the event had occurred. You were already through this disastrous situation. So, even if you 'did' begin by defining your happy emotions at the beginning of the day, it should have held a bit of mock, foreshadowing that all did not all go happily and all. A diary is where you store your emotions, not vivid descriptions of what's around you. I couldn't imagine any tears in your face in the beginning when you started writing it. But I should have. I should have gotten that you were broken, and that you were trying your level best to put in all your sadness into the piece. The picture of you I got at the beginning was a happy one, a smile etched upon your face. The wrong one.
But I have to say, the ending was just what the situation required. You ended it wonderfully with a great question. The piece reflected talent, but it would be more wonderful if you worked a bit on the middle. You could begin by saying something .... well, something weird. By the middle, when you expressed that you were the kind of girl who relied a lot upon your parent's decision, you could have elaborated by saying a bit about how every decision they took always worked for you ... but how their last decision had such disastrous effects on your life.
But anyways, great story.
Hi.. Thanks a lot for your review. This was my very first attempt at writing. I hope that I can improve a bit from the next one onwards. I'll keep everything in mind and once again, thanks!