Published January 22, 2009
The leaf bed is a crunching carpet of gold and orange.
As the breeze blows, branches sway like acrobats on a tight rope.
Sunlight shimmers through the trees, making the morning dew sparkle.
Early red-headed woodpeckers chip the bark away frantically, resembling a carpenters at work.
A small pond is home to croaking frogs and buzzing flies.
Fire-coloured ferns rest on the borders of a dirt track, armies of ants trekking along it, silently.
Scarlet butterflies flutter through the air in search of flowers bursting with sweet smelling nectar. Rust-breasted robins fly from tree to tree collecting shiny berries for breakfast.
Smokeless flames decorate the forest.
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Sorry it's a bit big but here's the image that inspired me to write this poem.
The imagery in this poem is very beautiful. I especially liked the last line. It was so unexpected and just hit you right in the face...I LOVED it haha. Very nice work. I do agree with Hannah however about building more on the fire aspect throughout the lines.
In all, it was great!
-OfferingUpMyOwnConfusion
^_^ Hello. Just a friendly reminder that you should review two pieces of others' works before posting any of your own and then try to keep it at least a 2:1 ratio for the rest of your time here! ^_^ Here are a few of my comments. First of all, I thought it was apparent that you made the beginning of each line a noun and followed by a description. Though that keeps some kind of continuity throughout, it begins to sound kind of repetitive -- the same kind of sentence over and over again. ;=;
Ahh, would acrobats really want to sway on the tight rope? If you're relating it to how they'd sway IF that same breeze were blowing, maybe try to make that clear, otherwise the image you're trying to draw out doesn't really happen.
I'm just wondering how a woodpecker might be early? I mean... it can get out early in the morning, but I do think that 'early' is a term that is only really applied to humans and their schedules. The allusion to carpenters at the end is also kind of over-used and you might want to try to find a different one that has the same kind of meaning. ^_^
I think you should probably use 'grow' in place of 'rest'. ^_^
Shiny is kind of a week adjective here. >_< But I like that you said 'rust' instead of 'red' for the robins! ^_^ Creative!
THIS was beautiful, but I think you should work the fire imagery more deeply into all the lines of the poem. ^_^ It's pretty good!