Published January 26, 2009
I stared at your window across the street and thought
Do you love me?
After a long time I came to a conclusion.
You wouldn't have forced all those tears down my cheeks
if you did.
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I agree with Rosey Unicorn. You should make this longer. It was wonderful!!!
I would put the commas there, but I guess that you don't have to. I thought that maybe it would flow better. Not that your flow wa off. I can just read things easier that way!
So, awesome. Short, sweet, to the point.
Ta Ta for now!
_Writing for love is a passion_
~Lexie~
Short but powerful. It's too short really for a line-by-line, but my general comment is to expand this! It's such a deep theme that really could be explored in a poem of any length. Still, I really think this could be expanded.
A note on line lengths- Usually it's a good idea to keep lines about the same length for better flow. The only time a line could really stand to be short is if you wanted impact. That's what the last line does for me. It's a short punch.
If you have any questions, PM me.
~Rosey