Young Writers Society

I liked it a lot. However, I think you should go a little more in depth with your feelings and provide more imagery and posibly some metaphors. And do go more into detail about the guy and why you have those feelings.

I think this poem is weak. This is what I call a "woe-is-me" poem.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Love is the thing that makes you crush
But that is never going to happen to me

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Love is my worst enemy
I just ignore it

My life is hell already
Why make it any worse?
I want love to go away
To never come back again

SimonCowellLuver wrote:Then one day i felt strange.
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach
It felt real stange
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:It was the love
It starting off with its stupid first stage,
which was crush
which i hated.

SimonCowellLuver wrote:I want it to leave me the hell alone
I don't want it
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

That was good. But give more info on the guy. How did he charm the speaker, why does she hate it, and how is she drawn to him? i like the cynical ism in the story

i like it but you need to finish it you just stopped without completeing what you had to say

It's me, and i am here to comment on your poem.
There was one or two typos, and i had a little problem with your story line:
1. you didn't really make the reader feel what you felt; you should have put a little more feel to the story, to make us feel and understand what you were going through (if this is really what happened to you)
2. You also could have what happened over the course of a few days, but in poem like song:
The first day that I saw his face
he looked right through me
Like water in the sea
And diamonds around my neck

Weeks have pasted
And presence is clear
His mouth opens to talk
And my heart begins to beat

You know something like that to make it more enriched, (all thought that was horrible, that's all I got)
I think you should pay more attention next time when your doing something like this and put maybe a little more effort into it, k?
See you around!

Via is wise, listen to her. I'd add that imagery will help. Maybe describe what Love looks like, and how it has become your worst enemy.

I'd describe the guy, and how you knew a crush was developing (try to avoid cliches like heart beating faster and stomach fluttering, if you can't, try saying these things differently.)

As I've said many times before, maybe to you, definetely to others, show, don't tell. This is a bit too narrative and a bit too colloquial. Telling me this guy was 'kind of cute' doesn't make me see or feel anything.

I'd add full stops after 'it' and 'again.'

The flow is good.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Hello, Goth! Here upon request. I'm not a poet, so we'll see how well of a review I can give...

Love is the thing that makes you crush,
But that is never going to happen to me.
Love is my worst enemy--
I just ignore it.

My life is hell already--
Why make it any worse?
I want love to go away,
To never come back again.

Then one day i felt strange. [comma instead]
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach.
It felt real stange--
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

It was the love
It starting off with its stupid first stage,
which was crush
which i hated.

I want it to leave me the hell alone.
I don't want it.
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!

Hi gg--

Then one day i felt strange.
Felt strange in the pit of my stomach
It felt real stange
There is no way to explain it.

It was this guy,
a new guy,
He was kind of cute,
but something was happening to me.

I like this, and I am sure many readers understand where you are coming from

I am in full agreeance with not wanting love!!! I also want to be alone, but please think about what that means if it is for the rest of your life!

The structure is good, but I do agree with Alone_But_Surrounded it could do with a change in the ending, you could possibly leave your ending there but it then needs a couple of lines added (not too much, just simple) to portray the ending as a true heart-felt emotion!!

Great and nice structure


Dofs...

i like it . but you need to finish it , it just kind of stops.

I want it to leave me the hell alone
I don't want it
I want to be alone
for the rest of my damn life!