Published May 19, 2008
I walk up the hallways alone,
Like I do everyday.
I can’t find anyone to talk to me.
So I just hang my head down in shame.
No one notices me
No one cares about me.
I hate this life,
I wonder why I have to go here.
You want to know how much a loser I am?
Well every time I go online and I see others,
But when they see my name they go offline.
I don’t know why.
I don’t have anything,
But I want everything real people have.
I will never have it.
I will never have everything.
It feels like I am hanging on a cliff with my hands.
Everyday it feels like I am losing grip.
I am doing my best not to let go,
But if I let go I will die.
That’s how I feel,
I don’t think anyone can change that.
I don’t care about what I want anymore.
I will never get to the point that I will get…
Everything.
Oh Dear God!
Please Take me away!
Take to that secret place,
I don’t care take me anywhere.
Help me!
I fall to my knees and start to cry.
I wish to die right there.
I will never get to where I want,
I am not going to get everything.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
Very emotional poem. I also agree ChernobyllyInclined. It isn't very original, but it was a good start.
Try to add some metaphors and describe what it feels like to be lonely. Make the reader feel like they were lonely and feel for the author/narrator.
The online thing has happened to me a few times. But only with one person. I felt like I could connect with that.
I think this was a good poem. Please continue writing!
This is a nice and emotional piece, but as ChernobyllyInclined said, it was not so original and uninteresting. Try putting more imagery into it, like for example, adding some metaphors. And also, there were some parts that were kind of cliche.
But overall, I think you did a good job.
Good luck and happy writing!
Hmmm... I don't know too much about poetry but I'll try to give you a good review.
This was not very original. You told alot but did not show very much. Loneliness can be a good topic for a poem but the way you did it was whiny and fairly uninteresting.
If you want to make it more real and less cliche try adding pictures. What does the despair look like? What color is it? How deep or cold or odd is the feeling?
I would also reccommend reading some good poetry before writing anything else. Even if its only the good poetry of other YWS members. Incandescence and Imp are both good but I know there are others if you look around. Libraries are good too.
Good luck and if you have an questions feel free to PM me.
sad, very sad. You have nice taste in usage. I like your style. I wouldn't read it everyday. Who knows? Maybe if you try hard enough, you may become the next Robert Frost.
This gave me goosepimpless
Tis really sad, really emotional and powerful
I've felt like this loads
Lonliness is one of the worst things ever, especially like this =[
Theres not really much i can say, except this is too good to just be a poem
If you ever want to talk, email me, msn me or just catch me on chat ^.^
You seem very interesting hehe
Still, very good,
Eva XxXxX