Young Writers Society

I agree with Suzanne. I'd try shwoing, rather than telling. Use imagery and characters instead of direct statements.
Now that I've said that, I'll look at this as a piece in itself. Firstly, I wouldn't twist the syntax as it sounds awkward. Eg, try:

"Drinking beer is a bad decision."

Also it should be don't make bad decisions.

I think you try to cover too much here in this short poem. These are all big issues and could all be poems in their own rights. I think isloating them would help do them justice.

The third couplet was a bit forced...why would doing drugs lead to being mugged?

I'd try this again without the rhyme as it makes it sound a touch frivolous.

Hope this helps.

Yup, you should definitely write slogans!

This isn't exactly a poem, but I think it's cute. I especially like how the last line doesn't rhyme. It's like you're smacking the reader in the face and yelling, "Listen to me, gosh darn it! I know what's best for you!"

So again, not a poem, but a nice jingle. I had fun reading it.

I agree with Suzanne. Your message is good but since it's just statements it doesn't move people that much. I think it would be better if you write about a point of view of a teenager.

I've already said it, but please critique two things when you post one, and don't flood the forums with your own work. ^_^

This is just a poem about preaching and... preaching is really annoying. It is like one of t hose commercials for teenagers, you know? It is a really good message, but why not tell us the story of a girl who had a bad affect from drinking, smoking or drugs rather than just saying "It is bad!" just like in any thing, it is better to support your statements with examples rather than just have statements.