Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Pour me some wine and let me be filled

Fill the cup with playfulness and joy

Joy so full that I get drunk

Drunk in love in a 'ship

Ship we sail till Earth's end

Play me some fine music to the ear

Ears will be rhythm full

Full at heart with love

Love that sings David and Jonathan

Jonathan, leave me not

Read me some fine words worthwhile

Worthwhile like the ink of this

This reality will never end

End to all games and gall

Gall won't,with you, spoil supper

Give me some kisses to my wounds

Wounds that only you can heal

Heal me with your kind words

Words that will ring in my heart forever

Forever we will be friends

I was just searching around for a random work to review and this one really caught my eye here. Its a little old and I'm not usually one to review poetry but this one seemed to really resonate with me when I read so I thought I should leave a little review with how my impression of it. Its such a simple little topic to talk about but one that has so many other facets to it and I think its a beautiful way you've chosen to bring it all out onto the table in this particular piece here.

Its not as joyous as one would initially think from the general tone of it and several lines indicate things aren't so great and these friends are just trying to survive together with each other more than thrive even though we have such moments and I think that's quite beautiful. Often its forgotten sometimes how much impact hard times can have and being able to heal each other's wounds and that part especially resonated with me. This feels like a beautiful little list of everything that symbolizes a lovely friendship just brought together as one and laid out with the simple message of how a connection that powerful and loving can be sustained forever and how it sustains everyone involved when its shared so beautifully.

I don't know if that is quite what you intended for this poem to say but its what it says to me and I thought it was a beautiful read.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

uhh hi i'll get this out of the green room for you

Pour me some wine and let me be filled

very strong opening line i think. it sets a good atmosphere for what's going to come, especially with the whole food is family type of thing i see. it almost feels kind of on the religious air of things if i'm being honest? the wine can be a metaphor for a lot of things and then "pouring" can be another metaphor for even more things. there are a lot of ways to tie in the friendship aspect if you're going for the wine route of this kind of thing.

i think the usage of "let me be filled" instead of mentioning a cup is what brought it up for me, mostly because when talking about metaphorical ideas such as religion or family or strong bonded friendships, a person takes the form of the cup. the wine in this situation is honestly a hard thing to place because as i mentioned before, there are many ways to view this as poetry and it all depends on situational occurrences.

Drunk in love in a 'ship

Ship we sail till Earth's end

i'm not sure how i feel about the sudden change into these sea/ocean images? i feel like they could pair nicely with the friendship base you have, but if you look at it from where we started in the poem, it feels too much of a sudden change. i personally like "chaotic" or even at times "clashing" changes in imagery, but that kind of thing requires the change to be swift and some foreshadowing may be needed for it to work as well.

Love that sings David and Jonathan

i could say the same thing here as i said above, but instead of imagery, it's just in general. no reader will know how these people are, and no reader will know if these people are important to the poem or if they are just used to prove a point. i'm a fan of personalizing poetry with names and stuff, but if you're going to commit somewhat to having that being a focus, i'd say just go all out with it and don't hold anything back.

knowing that, i think that's the biggest actual critique i have to mention. there's a lot of stuff happening here and all of it works on its own, but most of it feels mashed together when you have it right next to each other. if you're committed to those characters, i'd say flesh out how they fit in the theme more and focus on metaphorical language.

happy writing!
- tweezers