Hello Silv! ^-^ I think I read,,, the first chapter of this? A while ago? But I'm here to get this chapter part out of the Green Room, and hopefully it inspires me to read the rest of The Last Spell as well! I keep seeing your wall posts about it and it seems very chaotic interesting. =PP
So, first thought: that cover is super cool. 0.0 I'm loving the glitchiness of the text, and it gives me magic + tech vibes, which is neat!
Alright, I think I'll leave more specific thoughts as I read, and then have a recap at the end. ^^
The Heirs largely sat in the same places of their sitting room each time. Shane and Kaja usually split up between two couches, while Dawn and Leilan opted for their own armchairs. Kasumi, meanwhile, preferred to sit on the floor with a cushion.
This was probably not the best chapter part for me to jump into, haha. You've got quite a cast of characters here! I do remember Cyrin and Mireya from that first chapter, though.
My impressions of the setting just based on these paragraphs so far: it seems like they're in the dwelling of one of the Heirs? Or a safe space that they come to often, at least. Maybe you've described it earlier, but I feel like it'd be cool to get a little more description of the sitting room. Are there patterns on the furniture? Are there curtains over the windows, or a fireplace? (Please ignore this if you've already covered it. I'll probably go back and read the other chapters later. xD)
“I control electricity,” Mireya explained. “There are a few things I can do with it. I can drain a power supply, reroute current assuming there’s another possible circuit path, disable electronics, and so on. If I drain power like I’m doing right now, I can release it for myself as electrical discharge, like that attack you and Shane saw.”
Oooh, that's a neat power! 0.0 I wonder what else she can do with it. :D
(She could definitely cause a lot of havoc in our world, if she wanted to... And here, as it seems they do have modern technology in this world as well.)
“Also, she gives off a lot of static shocks,” Cyrin added. “That’s the most fearsome part.”
Mireya huffed. “I can’t sound cool for two minutes, can I?”
XD I feel like you write banter very well. These two have such a fun dynamic, lol.
“Are you seriously a Major Mage?”
I have no idea what a Major Mage is, but I am loving the alliteration. =P
When he looked around at the faces of the other Heirs, Shane saw awed respect along with shock.
I'm not sure why, but this sentence sounded a little awkward to me. Maybe describing the other Heirs' expressions more specifically would help? Like, [x person]'s mouth was slightly open, and their eyes were wide. Or it could just be me! :]
Shane broke the amazed silence by clearing his throat. “So, where are we travelling to for… acquiring the First Spell?” He knew stealing was the right verb, and the other Heirs would know as well, but he could imagine the grimaces he would see if he said that.
:eyes: Heist! Heist! Heist!
If they could go into that chasm of danger and certain death and come out again not only alive, but victorious… What else were they capable of?
Dang, they're cool. XD
Shane wished he could have stayed out of the Arcade entirely and away from people who tried to throw fire at him.
UM. What happened at the Arcade. >_> Okay, I need to read this now, lol.
“You’ll have to talk to Shane on that one,” Kaja said with a snort.
Oh, does Shane own this place? From what I've read so far, he seems responsible, and maybe like the one with the most common sense in this group.
“…No,” Dawn said finally from the other room. “It’s a hotel property in Storm City that Kaja’s family owns, much like this suite. She always has access to it.”
Wait, so all the Heirs own this place. 0.0 Wow, that's nice.
“Sparrow is… a sly person,” they said finally, pressing their lips together in a pause like they were restraining themself from calling him worse.
Interesting~ So we have an antagonist here. I'm intrigued that he calls himself Sparrow instead of a more intimidating name!
“He asked me if we’d met before, but I know I haven’t,” Shane explained. “Something about me having a familiar face. He didn’t figure it out, but it worried me, because he shouldn’t recognize me.”
It was only in the silence after Shane stopped talking that he saw Cyrin looked… a little shaken. Their eyes were wide, wide enough that he could spot flecks of soft gray in the dark of their irises when they were standing this close.
Things just got more interesting. Even though I'm not caught up, I can tell that Sparrow finding Shane familiar is not a good thing, and I'm very curious as to why Sparrow said that. I think you've got the mood of this scene just right!
“Yeah, I’m ready to go,” Shane said. Leilan left again, and with the faintest of sighs, he followed after him.
Good luck, Shane. I hope no one throws fire at you this time.
Okay, so overall thoughts! You have a lot of characters, but you managed to balance them well. I didn't feel confused because the main focus was on Shane, as the POV, and Cyrin and Mireya, as the heist leaders (or so it seems). I wasn't totally lost in terms of plot either, which is a good sign. And I was able to stay invested in the story despite not being completely aware of the stakes! So yeah, great job with this! ^-^
The only thing I wanted to see a little more of was description. I loved the detail about the flecks in Cyrin's eyes, and I think it'd be neat to be able to visualize the room a little better as well! But of course, it's entirely possible that you've already described this room, haha.
Thanks for the story, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D
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