Hello!
This is a really neat story.
I like your use of descriptive words.
The topic is one that I don't think I've ever seen before which is cool!
I could feel everything as if I was the character in that story.
I see this in some reviews and I have to agree with them when they say that a few of the sentences didn't make sense. I'd say that your weakest point here is writing vivid descriptions. Some things are questionable like, what is a break wall? I as a reader would like to know how certain objects operate or the positioning of the item.
Overall this is a really good story!
I hope you keep up the good work and as always, KEEP WRITING!
Points: 2144
Reviews: 21
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